love triumphs over eternal slumber

there was this guy who loves being happy all the time. he seems to be in trouble oftentimes but he handles all these with ease. he has a sanguine personality and never fails to make all his companions happy. he is that ideal guy all girls would willingly die for.

computer.computer.computer.

Our section likes to be inside the CSlab 3 for one particular reason- HANDS-ON. We're having a group activity and our task is to search for computer trivia.

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My mom and I quarreled last night about the conflict of my subjects to the pageant I'm joining. She told me to just get a delayed exam if ever there is an exam I won't be able to take. But I insisted that I will have a hard time getting a delayed permit if that happens. Bottomline- Mom tyold me to just withdraw from the pageant. And for sure she does not want that because she does not talk to me this morning.

The never ending replay

I want to call him mine though he will never be my boyfriend.

He used to call me his princess and often regarded himself as my slave.

While lying at my lap, he once told me, "Oo baga..aso mo lang ako, alipin mo...ano pa nga ba?" Then I gave him a torturing look and said, "Bakit? Nagrereklamo ka?" With his loving smile he took my hand and apologized sweetly, "Hindi naman po, gusto ko naman talaga 'tong ginagawa ko. Prinsesa baga kita."

He means everything to me.
He used to give me more kisses than heartaches.
He used to be drown from my breath than to be drown from liquors.
He used to stay beside me and at the same time takes me to a place of colorful butterflies, fluttering birds and enchanted trees.
He used to love it when I'm jealous of someone.
He used to bite my ears when he wants to hug me.
He used to respect all the things about me.
He used to tell me he loves me.
He used to make my blockmates think that he's madly in love with me. And yes he used to.
He used to like it when I'm eating more than what he eats.
He used to stammer everytime I make him feel I'm staring at him.
He used to say "thank you" whenever I look into his eyes and say "I love you"
He used to mean I love you when he's telling me he's gonna leave me.
He used to tell me he will look for someone better than but can't find one.
He used to smile at me when we accidentally and intentionally taking a glance at each other.
He used to make me feel LOVE.

I never imagined that all the things about him would now be in past tense.

Disasters and catastrophes are not synonymous.

I've been busy since yesterday and this torturing moments will continue until the 14th of December. This is mainly because of an upcoming beauty pageant I'm joining. I don't know what I'm exactly doing in this prestigious event. Yesterday the screening for the 20 official candidates took place and luckily but not so fortunate I was one of those candidates. I never thought I would reach this far though I often tell myself that one of these years I would try to join one. But it's definitely not this year.

I was trembling when I got vis-a-vis with the seven horrific judges. They were all elite-looking persons who were ready to belittle anyone they would not like. Waiting for my number (20) to be called was like waiting for the earth to burst. My nervousness was added by the fact that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit which I never tried in my entire teenage life. Add there another undeniable truth that most of the contestants are very voluptuous and mestiza-looking. I was just waiting for the earth to open up and swallow me alive but it never did happen. So there was I, giving the judges my best walk,turn, and smile. The closed door interview seemed to be an endless flowing river...hay

katamad ng magkwento..miss kamundagan nga pal title nun.

Someone told me happy endings never exist.

I talk. I laugh. I cry. Then I hush myself to sleep.
I shout and then whisper. Cry and then laugh. Then I hush myself to sleep.
Every time I mumble the words of laughter I hear someone sing the song of sadness.
A bit of me is bursting out laughing yet the other side keeps on weeping.

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Again, I type alot of non sense stuffs. I forgot the things that are needed to be done. I talk alot of non sense and this is crap.

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Pardon me for what I type. I may seem to be out of thy self. Putik. I remember our English way back in high school.

Once again I was betrayed by heavens.

How could things seem to fall out of pieces. Fuck. I have nothing in mind but to shiver and mouth vulgar words. I hate being like this because I often feel out of control. I crave a peaceful refuge in a familiar computer shop at downtown but instead I found myself inside a vague looking shop with all its strangers.

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I found myself wondering why I always tend to put myself in such scenarios where in the end I will end up either hurting "I" or "me". Sigh.

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An hour seems eternity I hope I was never this determined to do that crapish English project.Damn.

Just tell me to follow you at the other side of your world and I'll do it without hesitation.

It's not easy for me to think of words or even ideas to post here. It's just that I don't feel typing but it's contrary to what I'm doing. Sigh.

I had stormed out of our humble home and wandered through the downtown before I ended up sitting here and typing things coming from my mind. My mom already called me and after three missed calls I decided to answer her. How rude I am and I hate it. I'm too stubborn to let (even my mom) anyone else disturb my little refuge in sadness.


Well, my mom won after leaving this Internet shop I'll be meeting her somewhere. I know I hurt her for what I have just done. Though somehow I have the control over myself to do otherwise, I did not do it and maybe...I meant it. Sigh.


I just can't understand myself. I remember our NSTP facilitator who keeps on bugging the class with her question.."Who I am? Who are you?" Now it becomes worse for she eleven added "Who I am in the greater scheme of things?" I can't literally answer the first question yet here's another mind disturbing one.

....

Another thing. A guy asked me last night if he can court me. As usual my answer's NO. He insisted but I gave resistance. I told him to find someone better than I. Someone who he can share his feelings with. Someone who is not so weak like me. But, as what guys always do, he persisted. He told me that I am the "closest anybody can be to perfect." That was very fluttering but I still said no.

Who the hell's Celia?

haha..sya lang naman ang nagcomment ng "keep up the good work" sa blog ko sa friendster. at ngayon ko lang yun nalaman.

Celia's not the reason why I'm posting here again.

Today's the start of our second semester but I still can't figure out how time flies so quickly. Someone told me that he'll spend his sem break with me but it was a big joke. Duh, second sem na kaya! I can't blame him though. He has his own life and for sure he has more important stuffs to attend to. Haha. Cognitive dissonance. So what the heck if I wasn't able to spend my entire sem break with him?

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Eng002- Writing in the Discipline

I'd just met my teacher and my new classmates at that said subject. Our teacher Miss MJB enthusiastically told us our supposed-to-be task or requirement for that sem. Guess what? A research paper, survey type and some library reasearch as well. I did not feel any angst when she announced those things. To start with I already had the experience in making research works. Yeah,yabang.haha. As if?! well the contents and format are almost the same, only this time we should hit the deadlines.

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>this is not for anyone of you.but for him alone.so shut up and just read.

Hindi ko alm kung pano ka uumpisahan burahin sa buhay ko. Marami ng gustong tumulong sakin para kalimutan ka pero hanggang ngayon di ko pa rin magawa. Tinutulungan ko na rin sarili ko pero paulit-ulit pa ring bumabalik ang alaala mo sa isip ko. Mahirap intindihin yung ginawa mo ksi wala ka namang malinaw na paliwanag na ibinigay. Ang paulit-ulit mo na lang sinasabi nhidi ko yun kasalanan. Pero kung hindi ko kasalanan, bakit mo ako iniwan? Hindi mo pa rin maikakaila na mahal mo pa ako. Alam kong isa ako sa mga huling taong gusto mong masaktan. Alam kong ginawa mo yon dahil may mas malalim kang dahilan. Alam kong hanggang ngayon hindi mo pa rin ako magawang palitan sa buhay mo. Hindi ko alam kung ako lang nag-iisip nito. Nararamdaman ko pa rin kasi. Crap, this isn't a hallucination..di po ko nakadrugs! hindi kita makalimutan..kaya ang ginagawa ko na lang ay intindihin at tanggapin yung nangyari..kahit gaano kahirap at kasakit. Alam mong mahal na mahal kita. At alam ko ring hindi mo gustong sayangin yung pagmamahal kong yun..mali lang talaga ang panahon. Siguro bukas,makalawa..matauhan ka o kaya makalimot ako ng bigla..bahala na lang..Masakit lang talaga yung nangyari kasi ikaw lang ang hinayaan kong lumapit sakin ng ganun. Ikaw lang yung hinayaan kong mahulog sakin ng ganun. Alam kong nakukulitan ka na rin sa paulit-ulit kong pagtatan baduyong kung bakit mo ako iniwan..kung bakit ganito yung nangyari..hayy..putik ang baduy na..

peace kung may masktan..am i talking to myself?damn it.