:(

Whole
by Katrina Wendt

Stop showing
You love me
A little at a time.

Stop saying
You care
Bit by bit.

Stop keeping
Me here
For tiny pieces of time.

Because I need
All of you
Not piece by piece.

I love
All of you
Not just some parts of you.

So love all of me
All the way
All the time.

Or let all of me go
All at once
For good.

Sick love note.

Hell. You are in love lady.

Hay. Hirap na hirap kang aminin kasi natatakot ka na once sabihin mo 'yon e makakaisip magwalk out ng buhay mo 'yung lalaki. You don't want to tell him you're already in love with him kasi baka mag-mukha ka na namang tanga in the end. Every day is a torment. Ang hirap kasi di ka sanay sa suppressed emotions kaya lang mas pipiliin mo 'to kesa masaktan ulit.

Hay naku. Parang di ka na nasanay sa ganitong sitwasyon. Pustahan, sasabihin mo rin tapos one day or two okay pa kayo then biglang maiisip ng lalaki na heck, ayaw nya pa ng commitment. Ayos di ba? Totally cool! Hay.

HEY!

Dear MR. LOOOOONG-DISTANCE,

...because you're trespassing my mind for days already.

Listen up, yow! Or most appropriately read this carefully, just in case you are indeed reading this. Anyway, READ: I LIKE YOU. Surprise? Yeah. I do, man. I really like you. You are sooo nice and I find you attractive. There are just some flaws that make this confession a crap.

To start with, I'm a stubborn lady. I do what I want, and I do not do what I do not want. Does that make any sense? Er, who cares? Yeah.
Second, I'm restless, spontaneous and very adventurous. I don't give a damn what others do or plan to do. It's just me being freeee and outgoing. I have this impulse to watch a movie ALONE whenever I want to even if it means I should walk my ass off after that movie. I have this little dream of climbing the Kadlagan wall in downtown. I go on jogging almost everyday of summer mornings and I don't care if I'll be doing it alone.
Third, I have the tendency to flirt and mingle with other guys. Flirting (not on its finest, actually) with guys who are awesome and having a crush on a random guy who has an awesome personality is normal to me. I mingle with them and of course befriend them to the most mundane way. Okay, flirting is such a strong word against me. Alright, I'm just being friendly. I've got a bunch of guy friends. I hang-out with each of them and I really love them.
Fourth, I hate being annoyed. Who wanted that? I don't want someone texting me all the time. I don't want someone asking me my whereabouts. I don't want someone asking me details of common things. I don't want mushy things all the time.
Fifth, If I like you, don't over react. I used to like many guys too.
Sixth, I'm all screwed up. I mean, I can't handle a damn long distance relationship thing. I cannot commit myself to a person who is miles away from me. That's exhausting and sad.
Seventh, I don't believe in your god. Oh, that's a harsh one but that's true. I don't pray. I don't acknowledge the belief to an invisible supreme being. Nietzsche once said, "I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time." I'm sorry I cannot be in one with you and your faith.

Eight....hey, you sure you still like me?

Oh well, eight, I'm not a rich kid. We rent in this small house. My parents aren't professionals but I love them with all my heart and consciousness. I'm trying to go up to the stairs of life for them but right now I'm a poor, educated, and self-absorbed kid.
Ninth, I fall in love deeply. Many times that I had my heart broken. I have this constant ability to lose guys I love. After I fell for them so deeply, they simply started to disappear. Brilliant, isn't it? If you are planning to love a lunatic like me, you should prepare yourself for an emotional adventure of a lifetime.

Okay. Now. I don't know if you still like me. But, oh well, this is better. I never thought I would say this to any guy, but yes, you are tooooo good for me. Not that the guys I go out with are inferiors, it's just that we are not in the same sky.

I don't know. I just wish you aren't giving up on me yet.
Hahaha. Ang arte lang e. Hay naku.

Truthfully,
El

screenplay blues.

yeah. i'm troubling myself on how to write a film-able script. one that is comprehensive for any director and is based in a high quality narrative. challenge, genuine challenge. at the moment, i'm in a dilemma whether to put camera angles on the script or let simple camera directions lurk the whole paper. i've read a couple of articles about it and came with similar answers.

CAMERA DIRECTIONS are good, CAMERA ANGLES are not.

hmm, maybe i misunderstood what our adviser said. maybe he really meant, CAMERA DIRECTIONS not CAMERA ANGLES. my bad. but i have to verify it first. i'm quite serious about this film thesis. last project in my college life so i'd give my best shot. ^________^

Wish us luck!
Oh, I think we need more than good luck.

Wish us MORE CREATIVITY, CLARITY of MIND and KINDNESS of HEART!
We WILL PULL THIS OFF BEAUTIFULLY! ^______^

Lady ang Gaga.

You have successfully shun the person who cares for you.
Congratulations! Happy now?

Takte. Tara shot! Hahaha!
Hay naku.

when someone tells you,

"...i like you."

the proper response is,

"i like you too"

not

"i like myself too!"

Hay naku Malean. Anong klaseng excitement ba ang hinahanap mo? Ang nice naman nung tao sa'yo. Sobrang pantataray na nga ginagawa mo pero ang patient nya pa sa'yo. Tsss. Bakit sino ba gusto mo? Yung four-leaf clover na masaya na sa girlfriend nya ngayon. Come on! Cut that bullshit, move on. Ayan na ang chance of a lifetime o. Pfft.

Rude, too rude.

Another Weird Moment.

Asking the person you used to love about falling in love again is a bit, er, awkward. It is a weird crap that nobody in her right mind would do. Well, I would like to believe that this does not apply to us, or the least, not to me. Asking him is really a crazy idea especially in the middle of the night. Good heavens! I'm really a heck of a lady!

Anyway, I got an essential insight from him. One must not think of expectations when falling in love. That's a good one, right?

So, what's next?
I don't know. I should not be thinking about this in the first place. Pfft!

Oh crap. Masyado na namang nagrarationalize. Weighing the consequences na naman. My bad. Eeeee. Ano na kaya yan? Hahaha!

Somebody's there waiting to take care of you. But here you are pushing that person away. Ang galing! Tapos mag-da-drama ka na walang nandyan para sa'yo. Magulo ka lang 'te? Ang arte-arte lang!

Well, the easiest way to escape this bothersome situation is indifference. Hahaha! Sige lang, suppress your emotion. Anlayo ng mararating mo nyan, iha. Whew. Sige lang, push people away and eventually you'll get what you want- to be alone and in total control of your precious self. Hay, ewan. :|

Charles Bukowski.

"When I begin to doubt my ability to work the word, I simply read another writer and know I have nothing to worry about. My contest is only with myself, to do it right, with power, and force, and delight, and gamble."

"There's nothing to stop a man from writing unless that man
stops himself. If a man truly desires to write, then he will.
Rejection and ridicule will only strengthen him. And the longer
he is held back the stronger he will become, like a mass of rising
water against a dam. There is no losing in writing, it will make your toes laugh
as you sleep, it will make you stride like a tiger, it will fire
the eye and put you face to face with death. You will die a fighter,
you will be honored in hell. The luck of the word. Go with it, send it."
— The Captain is Out to Lunch and the Sailors Have Taken Over the Ship

"No wonder Van Gogh blasted his head off. Crows and sunlight. Idle zero. Zero eating your guts like an animal inside, letting you shit and fuck and blink your eyes, but nothing, a nothing."
— Screams from the Balcony

"I was their bar freak, they needed me
to make themselves feel
better.
just like, at times, I needed that
graveyard."
— You Get So Alone at Times That it Just Makes Sense

"it's colder than hell (yes) but
the blankets are thin,
and the pulled-down shades
are as full of holes as love is."
— The People Look Like Flowers at Last

"we know God is dead, they've told us, but listening to you I wasn't sure."
— Love is a Dog from Hell

"I can never drive my car over a bridge without thinking of suicide.
I can never look at a lake or an ocean without thinking of suicide."
— The Captain is Out to Lunch and the Sailors Have Taken Over the Ship

"I often carry things to read
so that I will not have to look at
the people."
— The Last Night of the Earth Poems

"For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us."

Panic Tuesday!

Head aches.
Body aches.
Heart aches.

Fuck. I'm totally screwed!

I should start writing that integration paper thing. Or maybe not. HAHA!

Cough.
Colds.

Crap! I'm in deep shit.


-------------------

Dear Crush na Mahilig sa Mountain Climbing,

Bigla kitang naalala.

Ako'y hands down sa'yo. Grabe! Napaka-out going mo! Geeez. I hope I would also have the chance to climb a mountain. Buti ka pa. Hehehe! And to think na magaling ka rin magsulat tapos you're into Creative Writing pa, wala na, ikaw na! Ikaw na talaga! Demi-god ka siguro! Hahaha! Did I mention na good-looking ka rin at sobrang bait? Grabe. May tao pa palang tulad mo. Hahaha! Anyway, isang beses lang naman kita nakita sa Wharf pero heto't FB stalker mo na ko. Hehehe! I know it would be difficult to see you again pero solb na ko. Solb na ko lalo pa't paminsa-minsan tayong nagkaka-chat. Whew! Thank you nga pala kasi kahit unaware ka e isa kang inspiration for a struggling writer like me. 'Yun. Thank you!

E wag daw pa-obvious na may crush ako sayo. Dapat daw e hindi masyadong comment nang comment at like nang like ng mga FB post mo. E ano naman? Malabong mag-krus ulit ang ating landas. Hahaha.

I'm a fan! ^_______^

What now?

You want to let the person know you but you do weird things just to push the person away.
You isolate yourself from the chance of love just because you are too afraid. Afraid to fall in love again and be rejected for the nth time.
You turn people down just to let them see how strong and independent you are. But you are not, so stop faking it with yourself.
You hesitate and become a master of suspicious hypotheses.
You rationalize things so that any element of unpleasant surprise would not keep you in dark.
You try flirting, dating and faking. Not a thing works. Even handsome and cool crushes do not satisfy your heart's yearning.
You have an array of choices, from the almost-perfect guy up to the most mediocre being. Yet, you do not pick easily. All of them undergo nerve-wracking personality tests without them knowing such game.

You are hideous
or maybe you're just a douche bag.

There is nothing. Nothing but you and your ego.

*wateber Malean! Shadap!*

Good morning!

Bago ako mag-kwento ng tungkol sa 3rd day ng ADCONG22, I want to brag to the blogging community na nag-confirm si sir JOERI VAN DEN BERGH sa friend request ko!

*tumbling*

Wohooo! Akala ko di nya tatanggapin pero heto, nag-like pa siya ng picture namin ni Shamcey! Woooot! ^_____^ Sobrang saya lang e! ^_______^

Ay sino nga ba siya?

Joeri Van den Bergh

Co-founder and Gen Y Expert at InSites Consulting

Joeri Van den Bergh is the co-founder of InSites Consulting, a global ‘new generation’ research agency with offices in Belgium, the United Kingdom, the Netherlands and the US. He has extensive experience of all aspects of branding, marketing and advertising to kids, teens and young adults. His clients include global customers such as Lego, Nokia, Sony, MTV Networks, Danone, Unilever and Coca-Cola, for whom he has provided youth research and advice on how to target the youth market. As author and contributor to numerous journals, he also lectures throughout the world on marketing topics. http://www.howcoolbrandsstayhot.com/the-authors/

Hayaaaan. Basta bongga! ^______^

(picture to follow on Monday)

Opening Doors.

Whew! It's the second day of the ADCONG22. And from the first day until the last day we will always be on our toes, either running to fetch the arriving speakers, strolling to secure their cabins, or assisting them before and after their talks.

Yesterday, I was assigned to help Shamcey Supsup and her companion in going to her cabana. Before they had arrived, I was inside their room, rolling on her bed and reciting my welcome note. When I was inside the wash room, I heard someone knocking. I was startled. Waiting for me outside the cabana to open the door was Miss Universe 3rd runner up, Shamcey Supsup. I was star struck! She is gorgeous in her mini-dress and six-inched heels. I was even captivated by her humor and simplicity. She is really nice.

*Shamcey entering the cabana*

Ako: Good afternoon ma'am, welcome to AdCong22!
Shamcey: Hi! Ihing-ihi na ko. Sandali lang ha?
Ako: *smiles (isip: hokeys pows) ^_______^

Shamcey and I at the backstage after her Invocation

----------------

Aside from Ms. Shamcey's door, another door opens to me.

It happened this morning when I was assisting one of the speakers during a press interview. The speaker, Ms. Li, was with a gentleman who is a part of the organizing committee. He stood there the whole time Ms. Li was with the press, and out of nowhere we started a conversation.

I asked him some matters regarding Ms. Li's activity after the interviews. I was surprised because he speaks in Filipino. And he really is a Filipino who looks like a foreigner, either from China or Korea. He is friendly. He even shared what happened during Ms. Li's rehearsal. He said that the technical staff thought Ms. Li speaks Filipino, when in fact she can not even understand a word they said. Hehehe. Even I think she's half-Pinoy, but he told me that Ms. Li is from San Francisco. She looks like a Pinay but she's an American. He and Ms. Li should switch features. Mistaken nationalities at that. Hahaha!

He then inquired for my name and my course, and so, I started talking like I was in a job interview. Who knows? He might be a potential employer. Hahaha! I told him that I'm from the great Ateneo de Naga and that I will be graduating this March 2012.

Mister: You are?
Ako: Eleanor, sir. Student volunteer po ako, I'm from Ateneo de Naga.
Mister: Ah, I see.
Ako: Kayo po, taga saan po kayo?
Mister: McCann. McCann Worldgroup ako.
Ako: Ahhh. *smiles* (isip: goodness! McCann! McCann! Ano ngayon?) Ano po sir pangalan mo?
Mister: I'm Donald Lim.
Ako: Oh. *smiles*
Mister: What's your course?
Ako: Communication po. Graduating po ako this March 2012.
Mister: Ah, e di maghahanap ka ng trabaho niyan sa Maynila?
Ako: Opo.
Mister: O, hanapin mo ko.
Ako: *in GREAAAAT AWWWEE*
Mister: *kapkap ng bulsa. labas ng calling card from his wallet. abot saken* Eto o.
Ako: *still in GREAAAAT AWWWEE* Oh, thank you sir! Thank you! *super smiles*
Mister: *smiles*

When I studied his calling card, my jaw dropped. I thought he was just a companion of Ms. Li. I even assumed that he is her co-author of the book. But NO! He is the Vice President/Managing Director of MRM Worldwide. MRM is the "digital and relationship marketing arm" of McCann Worldwide. Whew! Too much for me to handle, just too much.

and there goes the overwhelmed and optimistic me...

see you sir next year! i'll be doing an interview with you. HA! ^______^

Ms. Charlene Li and Mr. Donald Lim

bouncy no more.

and it just missed not to hit me...

-BAAAAAANG!

when will i stop being the nice girl?

for the effin HOMMMMMEEEE RUUUUUN,

can i start being somebody's girl?

READ!

i am not being self-centered anymore, i am sharing myself.

NOTICE. NOTICE.

Crap. This sucks. I'm like a valence electron. I should have a pair!
Pffft.


Alright. This is me with the dramatic and homo-erotic agitation between my estrogen and progesterone.

CCM's Christmas SID

When you once work with the great people in the industry, you can't help but be proud of them. The feeling runs deep even if it was only 126 hours of work. For me, it has been a 126-hour of pure awesomeness.

I would like to commend Creative Communications Management of ABS-CBN for producing such a wonderful Christmas Station ID. I honestly think it's good, especially now that I have the idea of how things around there work. Hands down.

I still would want to thank you for sharing your knowledge to me and my co-interns during our stay at your humble yet awesome division. If ever, (matanga ako sa job interview) I wouldn't have the chance to work with you again, I'm still happy that you awesome people do exist. And you actually know how to have fun while working seriously.


Geeeez. I'm hoping that one day I would be able to make awesome things like you do. For now, I'm a big fan of CCM.

Inspired.

For some unknown reason I feel so inspired today. Maybe I have to thank my friends, Nikko and Reuben. For always being there. Hehehe!

As of the moment, I am thinking of pursuing the production of another film. Not the one we will be making for thesis. It was an original concept of Marc. He shared it to us and we thought it's simply feasible. I'm hoping that we can pull this cool thing off. Weee!

So, script anyone? ^___________^

and I wonder if i ever cross your mind,for me it happens all the time.

Of course your default picture reminds of my burning and insatiable affection for you. An affection that should have been dead eons ago. But unlike the extinct dinosaurs, my love for you still breathes. I don't know. Maybe it doesn't take an intellectual and charming guy nor an almost-close-to-perfection guy to take my love away from you. It still continues to exist. It exists even if you're already into someone else and maybe even if you decide to go back to your former love. I don't know. I'm still trapped by your alluring silence. I'm still charmed by your wits, by your eternal complexity.

My heart never ceases to yearn for you.

Wasoy garo love. Pfft!

Hell. I'm crying again. Thanks to you.
Ansama na naman ng pakiramdam ko.
Ako ba may mali?

Mali bang tumahimik sa halip na makipagbasagan ng mga salitang baka isang araw ay pagsisihan mong narinig mula sa akin?

Hay, please, don't let me talk. Let my silence calm you. Let us not engage in any heart-breaking confrontation. I thought you are sensitive? Why can't you feel the care behind the silence? Why can't you feel the love behind this trivial fuss?

Wala ng katapusan. Paulit-ulit na lang. Nakakapagod na.
Malungkot. Ganoon pa rin ba?
Ayos lang sana kung ibang tao. Kaya ko sanang deadmahin kung hindi kaibigan.
Ewan. Akala ko tapos na. Akala ko okay na... Biro na nga lang para sa akin ang lahat.. Pero heto..kung ano-ano mababasa mo. Ang galing di ba? I-facebook pa! Ansarap mag-comment, kaso huwag na lang. Ano bang mapapala ko? Pagnag-comment ba ko e maaayos ang lahat? Hay naku.

Grow up daw. E matagal na kong matured mag-isip e.
Kelangan pa ba?

O sige, susubukin ko, para sayo.