Just me

I decided to have a hair cut. Mom only wanted an inch to be trimmed. But I wanted a different look. So this is now the result of our agreement... ^___^

FUN. ^___^

SHAKEY'S = PANALO
COLDSHACK = SARAP
MCDO = SOLB

I had so much fun tonight! :)

Thank you friends!

Sayang mayo si iba... di bale.. next time..

five of my favorites... ^___^

Dito ko na lang pwedeng masabi 'to. :|

Asshole!

Jerk!

I LOVE YOU!

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

Evil!

Rude!

i(f) yo(u)'re si(c)k, (k)ay...

Good morning!

Is it possible not to miss him every day? Crap. The feeling is annoying me already. It's driving me mad. I know, I know I should not miss him. I know he's happy with his girl. I know they're happy with each other. I know he doesn't think of me anymore. I know he doesn't care about me, after all it was just less than a month.

But why can't I just get onto my feet and move on? I have clearly understood and accepted that we are not meant for reach other. What's taking me so long to forget him? I miss him every day. And what hurts me is that I can't even tell him my feelings because things are not what they used to be. Bull shit. Yeah, and it's freaking my nerves out pretending that I don't love him. Heaven's sake! I'm in love with a jerk who loves another girl.

Fuck. I just can't do anything but understand the situation, accept that we're not suppose to be with each other, and move the fucking hell on! Great. Great life, indeed. *sarcasm*

inis.

Ewan.

Badtrip ako ngayon sa mga tao sa FB.

Weird. Basta. Inaabot yata ako ngayon ng kamalditahan.

Kasi naman DEAR mga KAIBIGAN...

• Ayokong gumawa ng SPEECH tungkol sa LOVE! Wala ako sa mood. At saka bakit ngayon ka lang nagparamdam kung kelan ka may kailangan?
• Kung alam ko man kung paano gumawa ng VISSION-MISION, hindi pa rin kita gagawan.
  
• Hindi ko problema kung may limang babae kang pinapaasa sa ngayon. Huwag kang magtampo kung bakit hindi kita kinakausap ng maayos. Alam mo kung bakit. Huwag mo silang paasahin, kaibigan, hindi ka ganon ka-gwapo!
• Hindi po ako nagpapa-ambush bigla para magtrain ng high school dahil lang sa ayaw nilang magpatrain sa lalaki.
• Potek! Itigil mo pagtrash talk mo sa EX-LOVER mo! Bull shit! Minahal mo 'yan dati pero ngayon, magpapakampi ka sa kaibigan mo (na gelplend ni 17, hahahaha) at sisiraan siya. Gaga! Sino sainyo ang desperada? Aber?
  
• Huwag kang makulit sa kakatanong. Hindi ako natutuwa sa kawalan ng kahulugan ng lahat ng komento mo. YOU SIMPLY CANNOT COMPREHEND WHAT I SAID. PERIOD.

INHALE-EXHALE. INHALE-EXHALE. INHALE-EXHALE.

Wala naman sanang mali at masama sa mga hinihingi niyo. Sadyang WALA AKO SA MOOD BUONG SEM PARA MAGPAKABAIT. PERIOD.

SORRY NA.

Try niyo ko kausapin next sem, baka sakaling okay na ko. Hahaha.

I don't care if i'm out of the line. I miss you.

Word Play 002 (Broken Solution)

Your gaze brought me both joy and pain.
It's sealed with both a yes and a no.
Your penetrating stare says it all.
Your hesitant eyes reflect decisiveness.

You and her shared a year and more.
You and I have shared not even a month.
You gave her your sweetest smile.
You gave me your saddest story.

She means the world to you.
I meant the blue days to you.
She makes you blissful each day and hour.
I made you happy just when you're down.

You told me I'm a stellar.
Something more than you deserve.
But she's your only light, heart and star.
Something more than my worth.

What we had was ephemeral and love was not in core.
It was nothing but a fleeting delusion.
I was just there to make you hang onto her a moment more.
I'm nothing but a broken solution.

Mind twist.

Afternoon.

3:03pm at my clock.

The sun's heat is scorching.

It beats the temper out of me.

So far, the first Friday of class has been bearable. I got a 9:00 am Political Science class. Our teacher seems to be a good one. He suits the subject and yes, he is good looking. But I don't effin care, as long as he teaches good, he'll be pleasing to my eyes.
Our next subject is scheduled at 12 noon. I haven't had the chance to go home. I did have the chance, I just don't want to. Anyway, we passed the Xavier hall and stayed there for a couple of minutes after which, they decided to take their lunch meal.

I saw him. One of my friends stared at me as if I'm going to walk out any moment. But it didn't happen. Why should I do that in the first place? He chatted with us. Hugged Kim. Crap. I know. I miss him. And during the lunch meal, we saw him again. He was able to sit on a chair just in front of me. Guess what? I can't look at him. Hahaha! Yes, and here's the rub. I caught myself staring at the vast space and smiling (grinning, I think). The smile faded and then we went to our class.


------
We had an inside joke. I made it up accidentally while I'm trying to explain what happened and that I'm ALMOST doing fine.

Here's the gesture joke:

*CLAPS* make it three claps
*DRAWS AN ARCH IN MIDAIR*
*FOLLOWS THE TRAIL WITH A STARE*
end it with, "Uto na, nagbalik na. Luminayog na pabalik."

Yeah, I know that I'm making fun of myself. Hahahaha! I need a good laugh. Hahaha! I made MYSELF laugh with MY OWN joke. Talking about MISS INDEPENDENT? ^___^

-------


While still pondering about what everyone told me, "Everything happens for a reason...blah.blah.blah.", a realization hit me.

It is not "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON."

It is "EVERYTHING HAPPENED BECAUSE OF A REASON." (Haig,2010) Hahaha! Quoted myself...Haha!

I'll ponder more about it next time...

PISSED OFF

If this is PMS then I still don't care. I'm pissed off. I'm pissed off by the thought that you're acting like a goody guy just because of the guilt you feel. You really don't care about me. It's just that you want to escape from that nasty feeling.

Potek. Why do I feel this way? Crap.


Alam ko namang hindi PURE truth 'yung sinabi ko. Okay. Sige, namimiss na naman kita. I'm pissed off because I can't talk to you in the manner I wanted to. I'm pissed off because I can do nothing but stare at your profile picture and wonder how your eyes look now that you're with her. I'm pissed off because there's no way, even in hell, that I can make you smile like I did before. I'm pissed off because I badly need your hug but I can't muster enough courage, or should I say, enough confidence to ask for it. I'm pissed off because our memories together linger in my mind, they remind me of something that won't happen again.

Nakakainis kasi parang gusto kong magpapansin sa'yo at kunin ang buong atensyon mo, tulad nang bago kayo nagkausap, pero HINDI pwede! Leche naman o! Deprivation. Hay. Siya na lang ang may karapatang magpapansin, magedemand, at mangulit sa'yo. Crap.

Whew! Naiinis ako! Helpless masyado. Hay, sana kung ano man 'yung mga kinikilos mo ay hindi lang dahil sa nakokonsensya ka. SANA nga.

---Hay, Malean, malaen na 'yan. Tama na.

Utopian Fold: overture

OVERTURE

It was raining hard. The wind blew cold. She hugged herself as she looked around the hall. He was late. He was twelve minutes late. Maybe, he would not come. He might have changed his mind without telling her. She sighed deeply, fought her tears back and stood hesitantly. When she turned around, she was surprised to see him standing at a distance, and holding a single red rose. She must have been dreaming, she told herself. He walked towards her, handed her the rose, gave her a kiss on the cheek and greeted her with a wide smile on his face, “Happy birthday my hot fudge sundae.” She was caught off guard. Butterflies somersaulted in her tummy. She felt electrocuted. Auspicious, really auspicious. Momentarily, no words came from her. She just smiled and looked into his eyes. She stared at him full of doubts, full of questions yet full of love. But with a blink of an eye, her smile became a frown. She was still holding her tears back, trying to look as calm and controlled as she can. She wouldn’t want to ask anything about his former girlfriend. It would just kill her inside. Yet she knew that there’s no place for her in his heart. She remained awkwardly silent for a few more minutes and decided to talk, bursting in a blissful voice, “Hey! What took you so long? I’ve been here for a couple of minutes. How dare you make me wait during my day?” He has no time to answer for she threw her arms around him and gave him a tight hug, whispering, “Can you be mine even just for today?"

Pahabol

Cheesy ba kung sasabihin ko na kaya hindi kita lubusang mapansin at kaya nang-iisnob ako ay dahil sa,

"I can't look at your eyes without seeing how much you love her and how much you have tried to love me. And it's tearing every piece of my heart and leaving me with nothing but pure torment. Yet, I understand so well and I love you still."

Hahaha. Ano pa Malean? HIBI NA! Arg.

CURSING OCTOBER

Simulan natin ang post na 'to sa pagmumura.

Bullshit!
Bullcrap!
Fuck!
Bitch!
Asshole!
Damn!
Shit!
Crap!
Potek!
Pota!
Punyeta!
Punyemas!
Lintik!
Leche!
Hayop!
Pastilan!
Gago!
Gaga!
Tarantado!
Tarantada!


----
Okay. Hindi sapat ang lahat ng alam kong cuss words para pantapal sa nararamdaman kong angst. Hay.
Basta bigla na lang tumama sakin ang katotohanang naghihintay na naman ako sa wala. Umaasa na papaburan ako ng mundo pagdating sa'yo. Pero, HINDI.

Nakakapangliit. Nakaka-gaga. Nakakainis. Ayokong maging ganito dahil sa'yo. Hindi dahil sa nagpapakamakasarili ako kundi dahil sa ayoko ng makonsensya ka pa. Tama na, gusto kong maging masaya ka.

Heto't sinusubukan kong magtaray, umiwas at lumayo sa'yo. Sigurado namang maiinis ka sakin sa kakaganito ko sa'yo. Magagalit ka at susuko na ibalik sa normal ang pakikitungo natin sa isa't isa. Mahirap 'yun para sakin. Mas mabuti na ang ganito. Oo, sana mainis ka na lang sakin. Ikaw na lang magalit sakin para iwasan at layuan mo na rin ako.

Hay, leche, tumutulo na naman luha ko. Gaga kasi. Gaga much! Alam ng may ex, maffall. Katangang bata! Potek! Yan kasi napapala mo sa kakadikit masyado sa mga taong malungkot. Kitam, alam mo ng ganyan kakalabasan, ay sumige ka pa rin. Ngayon, sinong nasasaktan? Ikaw! Sinong umiiyak na naman? Ikaw! Sinong pati kaibigan nawala? Ikaw! Sa susunod, huwag 'yung may ex na hindi pa mabitiw-bitiwan. Ano ba naman ang mahigit isang taong pagsasama sa wala pa ngang isang buwan na katuwaan. Wala ka talagang laban. WALA. Accept your defeat.


Letsugas! Naiinggit na tuloy ako kay ex. Buti pa siya, kahit anong gawin niya, babalik at babalik ka pa rin sa kanya. Buti pa siya...

Hay naku, Mal. Kelan ka pa na-insecure sa iba? Hay, sadyang ganyan. Hayaan mo na. Lilipas din 'yan. Kaya mo 'yan. Miss Independent. Hahaha!

Isa pa 'yan! Bwisit. Gusto ko rin naman na may mag-aalaga sakin at makakatanggap ng kung ano at sino ako. Nakakaloka. Putcha!

Sige na nga, ako na ang BIGO. Hahaha! FINE.

At least, love still happens. Bilib rin naman ako kay four-leaf clover. Antinde. Pag-ibig nga siguro 'yan. Hindi nga lang para sakin. Haha. FAIL.

----

wordplay001

it does not exist
i told myself
it must be ceased
i told myself

courage i can't muster
fear i keep in cluster
unfathomable water
rumbling sound of thunder

died more than thrice
cried a dozen times
lied not but twice
tried to hate a thousand

gullible is what I am
skeptical only sometime
fell for a simple hug
changed by a teasing kiss

----

shit happens.

SAKLAP

na-mimiss ko ang tawag sakin ng mga high school friends ko na, MALEAN.
Si Ching kasi, nagwallpost pa, er, "MAL" ang saya basahin.
ewan, iba ang impact. impakto.hahaha!
OO, MAGPAPAINOM ako ng GPS pagdating ni kaibigang Reuben galing Singa-poooor. At sana'y available nyan si Naxcz. Malamang si Nikko, present. Wala ang BU studs na sina Laiza at Karen. Ewan ko kina Jols at Kevin, mga dakilang daysers. Si Koren, dahil sa balik PMMA naman ang love nyang si Roeds, tiyak go yun, kahit naman nandyan si Roeds. Haha. Si Khris, malamang present din. Lhet, ikaw rin!
Okay, namimiss ko kayo. Kelangan kong uminom ngayon, kaso, hindi ko kayo mahagilap, alam nyo namang isa kayo sa konting taong nakakainuman ko. (NG ISANG BOTE ng GPS) hahaha! BEAT THAT!

Kaso, wala na ang Tent. Ayoko pa naman sa maingay..panu na yan? saan na? hahhaa

SAKLAP.

----

WORD of the DAY: BOLA
----

Okay. Natulog ako ng 4am na yata kaninang umaga at gumising ng 7am. That sums up a 3-hour sleep. Okay lang sana pero HINDI. Bakit? Una, dahil may laro ako ngayon! Ikalawa, dahil tiyak na malulula na naman ako nito. At ikatlo, WALA. Wala lang.

Hayan, sinundo ako nina Kuya Oyi at Ogie. Salamat naman, wala pa namang tryc msyado pag linggo.

E-MALL:

Nagwarm up.
Binilang ang mga UNC girl friends, isa, dalawa, tatlo, apat, lima, anim...
Sabay titig kay Jill. Crap! DALAWA lang kami.
Hay, oo. Masama ang loob ko, wala si Ate Denz, disqualified na sa team event.
Wala si Aika. Wala 'yung babaeng nagpapalakas ng loob ko tuwing maglalaro.
Walang good luck na text o kahit anong text mula sa kanya. ASA. Limot nya malamang na may laro ako. Ano ba naman kasi pakialam niya, dba? Crap.

(segue)
Dapat kasi tinext ko na si VP kagabi, er, tiyak magtetext na naman 'yun ng walang kamatayan pero epektib na, "Good luck tomorrow! Make me proud!" Kaso nahihiya na rin naman ako,hahaha..busy 'yun kay pretty girlfriend. I'm happy for him! At tsaka baka bigla na namang magtanong kung kamusta na ang walang katapusan kong lablyp. Pfft.
Mahirap mag-explain sa text kaya okay na yun na hindi ko na rin sya tinext. Papagalitan lang ako nun, sesermunan na naman ako ng, "Sabi ko baga saimo, mag-ingat. Ikapira na yan? Tss. Si huri, dae ko naaraman eh gago baga 'to. Next time. Next time. Ingat na." At tulad ng dati ang sagot ko ay, "Opo! Sadyang lapitin ng palaka. Pasensya na!" Hay, buti naman at okay na health niya at nakakita na rin siya ng girlfriend. Naging makeso tuloy ang mokong. Hahaha. Namimiss ko ang libreng kape ng KopiRoti. Hahaha.



Friendly ang Aquinas boys sakin. Sa kanila ako naki-warm up. Oo, KAYO na ang MAGALING.
Nakausap ko si Tom, player ng Aquinas. Matagal ko na syang kilala. Kaya ayun, tinanong ko kung bakit wala yung mga babae nila. Ayaw daw, kasi malayo. Fine.Hahaha! Maya-maya ay napanisn ng mga ka-team kong nakatingin DAW sakin si Tom. Ayun, nagsimula ng bagay na hindi totoo. Well, good-looking si Tom. Tall, dark, and good-looking (not handsome). Magaling syang magtable tennis. I mean, MAGALING! Hahaha. He's friendly and nice. Pinapauna nya ko tumira, gentleman, pwede. Ay ewan, mamaya nyan, may sabit na naman. Leche. Hahaha! Tama na 'yang ganyan. PERIOD.

ending ng game.
Talo sa UNC girls. Ano pa nga ba? Sila na ang magaling! Bat kasi nagback out USI? Tapos nandun naman si Phids, yung coach nila. EPAL much! Insisting mag-open tournament, nakita na ngang para sa ESTUDYANTE yun! Ambisyoso! Wala tuloy mga USI girl friends. Pfft.

Nagpaalam na kami sa mga naglalaro pa. Tinawag si Mikki, ang baby boy ko na binata na. Ambilis. Hindi na siya si Mikki, JM na. JM! Hahaha. Nagpicture at nagpaalam na. Saktong kinograts ang Aquinas sa game nila. IMBA. SILA talaga ang MAGALING. Nagpaalam na rin kami sa kanila, lahat sila'y nakangiti, si Tom kumaway. Syet, kinawayan ako! (tinatawanan ako ni william, sabay sabing, "sus, baka may girlfriend yan duman ate el.") KUMAWAY lang naman! Feeling!

------
2nd sem na bukas.
pano ko kaya maayos buhay ko?

--hindi ko pa narerenew scholarship ko
--hindi na ko mag p-PL o kahit d-DL
--hindi na ko TUMATABA!
--hindi na ko ganun kasigurado sa sarili ko
--hindi na ko NAKAKATULOG ng maayos. badtrip!
--hindi na ko PRODUCTIVE
--hindi na ko nakakatapos ng isang libro sa isang araw
--hindi na ko sanay magsulat ng tula
--hindi na naman ako nakakahanap ng dahilan para sa mga araw-araw. SAKLAP.


----
Oo, namimiss ko siya. Huwag niyo ng itanong kung bakit. Hahaha. Miss na miss. Pero since, logical, understanding, patient at self-controlled ako...Bawal unang magparamdam dahil wala rin lang namang mapupuntahan. KONEK? haha. Basta, keri lang..

----

classmate1: el? nakita ko sina...
ako: opo. ganun talaga.o bat ganyan na istura mo?
classmate1: nasasaktan ako para sayo.sayang
ako:sadyang ganyan

classmate2: bumalik pa kaya kayo as friends na tulad ng dati
ako: okay naman kami, we're in good terms..pwede
classmate2: talaga? kaya mo?
(sumabat)classmate3: oo! si el pa! oo yan, tingnan mo, after ilang months, oo na yan
classmate2: eh panong ganon?
classmate3: hindi naman kasi sya nagtatanim ng galit.kahit anong gawin mo dyan. yan pa
ako: *speechless* (napaisip: ganun ba talaga ako?)

classmate4: ay ewan. bsta, sinabihan na kita.
ako: *nagpapacute na look*

friend1: ...hndi naman sa kinakampihan ko sya, pero parang ganun na nga..kasi alam kong okay ka na..okay ka na because you've played your part beautifully...
ako: yes! may isa na syang kakampi!
kaibigan1: oo, buti't matured ka mag-isip. ang kelangan mo eh mga girl friends para umiyak pa ng todo at ORAAAAS. *sindi ng yosi*


----
You are my sweetest downfall. I loved you first, I loved you first...

----

GAGA

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*haha

^_____^ hay, four-leaf clover.

VANITY

Hayaan niyo na ko... Dito lang 'to.. Kinuha kasi akong model ng Ang Lao Sy shirt..kaya yan..hihi.. Naadik bigla ako sa sarili ko. Hahaha!


PICTURES! Hahaha! Yey! Kahit papano, natutuwa ako. Hahaha