Oportunista. And Random Tales.

Our big boss is on leave. I only have to supervise some minor revisions of a project. Thus, the stolen freedom to aimlessly and shamelessly write about anything this universe can offer.

I'll grab this opportunity to scribble month-aged thoughts. Bear with me for you have no other choice. *wink*


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Deedee outrages when he learns the news himself. Nobody notified him earlier. It appears as a big shock of his life. He isn't ready yet. His big baby isn't a grown up yet. But his people believed otherwise. They released his big baby and it's now in full throttle.

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As she drives into the honey-glazed horizon
Feeling the breeze on her face,
on every strand of her locks,
on her neck, on her shoulder blades,
While her almond-eyes glimmer
with silver dews,
Reflecting all
unrequited love, ceaseless sadness,
unbearable yearning and burning anger.
Long, winding, narrow and
pitch black the road has become
Confusing and chaotic as
her thoughts
The wind grows stronger and sharper
Her heart thumps louder and louder
and louder
Until a resounding crash
filled the empty road
Her mind lost in tranquility,
deluded into the honey-glazed horizon.

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Mental suicide.

Oftentimes I feel like I have a calling to write and make films and tell stories. But these always come with overwhelming doubts and fears. The lack of skills, the lack of time to develop specific skills, the lack of human help I can get especially now that my college buddies are busied by different things. Yes, I am a coward. Now, how can I make a change?

HOMEEEE!

Dang!

Right now, I am inside an overpriced computer shop which uses Internet Explorer as their web browser. Precious!

I'm stuck here in Manila with no job yet. And as of this moment I feel terribly bad because of menstrual cramps. Hate it! I have no one to talk to since I already ran out of load and my friend went somewhere else. Hay. I want to go home and hug mom.

Menstruation has really a bad effect on me. Haaaaay.

I want my MOMMMMM!

Plans.

I have to start getting control of things. I have to be more mature and I have to pull myself together. Whew! Kelangan na mag-asikaso. Kelangang maging handa sa laban. Real world na raw ito. Kakayanin. Whew!

Magaling ako. Passionate sa mga bagay at determinado. Once I set myself to the goal there's no stopping. I can do this! Whew!

Kung sakaling kelangan na talaga mag-isa, kakayanin ko pa rin 'to. Go lang nang go! :D

The Bitter One.

I'm the bitter one because I feel so down. I don't know how to go on a date. I am too scared to go on a date. I appear strong because I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be hurt again and again and again. I doubt and most of the times I freak out. I act so dumb. I tend to push the good ones away. I'm a coward.

I am the bitter one because nobody reciprocated my affection.

Something You will Scribble when you see yourself taking off your top in a big screen.

in chaotic sync

depths of stains
tainted melodies
tormented souls
blurred distorted
tangled twisted
all corners resembling
pitch dark

Deym! Nakakahiya talaga. Goodness. Ano ba kasing pumasok sa isip ko? Hahaha! Dapat tulad na lang nung kina Naxcz and Nagj na conservative naman pero maganda pa rin. At least yun, walang take your clothes off. Arg.

Anyway, napansin ko lang parang masyadong leaning on the dark side ang mga pelikulang involve ako. Recuerdo, something about emasculation. Kikik, horror stuff, need I say more? Maganda sana kung magaling akong magsulat. I should practice more kung sakaling gagawa pa ulit kami ng film. Cool. Ang cool kasi when Director Pepe Diokno watched both our films, yung Kikik at Silbato (kina Naxcz, Nagj and Conch) his reviews were very positive. I think mas nagustuhan nya yung Silbato because of its unique story and beautiful cinematography. Ayos! Ang galing! Yung samin kasi e talagang....hahaha.. maganda rin naman pero may kulang o di kaya ay may sobra. Nakakatuwa lang isipin na parang mga pangarap lang naming lahat ang gumawa ng mga pelikula pero heto't na-a-acknowledge na rin ng ibang tao. And sa part ng Silbato, direktor pa! Whew! Sana naka-inspire kami ng mga lower batches. Sana maayos ko pagsusulat ko. Hahaha! Sana magkaroon pa ng maraming opportunities para sa aming nag-aaspire pasukin ang film industry. Yeah!

Going back to Recuerdo, hayan, nakakahiya. Gulay! Hahaha! Tapos na yun. Move on. Hahaha!

Medyo kinakabahan ako ngayon. Baka kasi, hindi magustuhan ng audience yung Kikik. Pero, ayos lang naman, para ma-improve pa, di ba? Grabe. Isang buwan na lang, unemployed na ko. HAHAHAA!


Ohhhh, the randomness!

sometimes it feels bad when i feel bad about something i shouldn't feel bad about, because it's a bad thing to feel bad when all things going around me isn't that bad.

my bad. :|

CARZY LEIF PALN.

One day, I will become rich. I will have my own house and lot. I will drive a decent car. I will travel the Philippines. I will take pictures of Las Vegas, Australia, Japan, Canada, Belgium, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, India, London, Spain, France and Italy. I will visit South Africa. I will send three students to college. I will make many short films. I will win a film festival. I will marry a man who loves me as much as I love him. I will have a beautiful family. I will be a good mother. I will explore the world. I will make my career flourish. I will make a change. I will die.




And the world will know my name.

Drama. And Le Sexy Valentine.

the moment you feel you aren't good enough, and you can't do nothing about it because of time constraint, leaves you with two choices:

succumb to the idea and then commit the most creative self-destruction thing ever.
or
pause for a while, think about it, get your wits and ass together, and do something about it.

i think i'm doing the latter. pfft. damn it. :|

arg. i'm feeling disappointed to myself. my bad. hayness. howness. whyness.
-------------------

Change of Mood. because.my.crush.who.writes.so.damned.good.posted.something.about.adult.valentine.
alright, they say scorpio's the sexiest of all signs, well, let's put it to literary test.

V Is For Victory

Cold water trickled on my bare bosoms
You teased me to bite the ice while I traced
The veins in your delicate wrist
I softly nibbled the tip of your ear
And then all your words began scrambling
Tumbling on my cheek lingering on my neck
Your breath warm as your lips' caresses
With no falter you did not halt and with swift
You entered the hotness of my impatient mouth
I felt your tension and smiled because I too
Anticipated the flame I kept on igniting
Between your groins I let my hand go south
And farther south making you trembled with the tips
Of my nails I drew small circles all over your knee
I heard your powerful moan echoed in the middle
Of every stroke of every unbearable pauses
I caught your eyes in total delusion
In an absolute desire you yearned for more
You said something bizarre I asked you
While my hand was clasping your crotch
Was it love before lust or was it lust
And never was love of any kind
With your hands tight on my red undie
It's Vday you exclaimed triumphantly

yes, i can only give you the foreplay. go and be imaginative. >:P

Happy Heart's Day!<3

Baliw lang ang drama.

To All the Boys Who are Drooling Over Chinitas:

I'm sorry if I am not the typical chinita of your dreams. Sorry I don't smile timidly and I don't pose sweetly. Sorry I can't even force my lips to do the pout or the daisy duck pose. Sorry if I smile baring all my teeth like a bubbly little girl. Sorry I'm not fair skinned. Sorry my hair isn't shiny anymore, too much stress caused this. Sorry if I don't carry a cute bag with me all the time. Sorry I prefer back packs. Sorry if it is very rare that I paint my face with make up and color my lips red. Sorry I run and sweat a lot, I'm sorry I am an athlete. I'm sorry if I don't listen to your favorite music, sorry if I'm trying so hard to love music. Sorry I read often, sorry I write vividly, sorry I think profoundly. I'm sorry if I don't curse too often. Sorry if I'm too nice. Sorry if I study like a straight A student. Sorry if I value my education than parties and hanging around. Sorry I never like anything in pink color. Sorry I am not a rich kid. Sorry I am so dependent only with myself and I don't like bothering you with small fuss. Sorry if I don't play hard, maybe because I like you a lot. Sorry if I understand your every rant. Sorry if I am easy to talk to. I am sorry if I am always right beside you, ready to care and listen and stick around as long as you want me to. Sorry you never look through me.

Sorry if I am never enough for any of you to be with. :'|

the univitable longingness.

Maybe there are things better left unsaid. Maybe those things are better left alone in the dark cabin of a ship lost in uncharted waters. Maybe there are things better left behind.

But maybe there are also things worth the story, the nostalgia, the unending yearning of heart. And maybe these things are worth remembering.

The split second stop of your heart, followed by a loud thump and then the fast, continuous boom-boom-boom...the sight of him staring at you, meeting your eyes, drowning you in a vision of dreamland, and making you submissive to those marble eyes...the voice that perfectly calls your name, the small conversation and in between smiles and laughters, the comforting silence, the soothing closeness...everything else meant nothing because for a moment you had Utopia.


Oh, these wonderful hours of love with that special guy...yeah, I miss it. I miss the feeling.

Teehee. Nakakamiss lang ang pakiramdam. Di ba? Geez. Focus. Bawal ang boylet. Wala silang mabuting naidudulot sa bawat ending. Hahaha. Syet. Nakakamiss mayka- uhm, what should i call it? ka-kirs? ka-MU? ka-ibigan? ahh. whatever, basta nakakamiss yung ganoon. hihihi..

PS:
Sabi ng tatay ko pwede na raw ako magboyfriend. Sabi ko naman ayaw lagi sakin nung gusto ko, kaya saka na lang. Hahaha!

I won't give up ni Jason Mraz.

Weee!

Hanep na kanta 'yan ni Jason Mraz. Paulit-ulit na pinatugtog ng kapatid ko kaya heto't parang gusto ko ulit ma-in love. Bongga di ba? Sasabihan ka ng, "I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough..." Takte! Okay na okay na ko dyan.

Weee!

Bakante pows ang puso ko. Ayokong maghintay sa wala, kaya pahinga muna, anak.

Bakante pows para sa buong 2012. ^_______^

Advice.

In order to survive this graduating blues and tortures, I regularly let myself read, hear, or watch things that are highly encouraging to me. These things always make sense. They never fail to ignite the fire within me. Yes, this does not include any divine/supreme being/holiness related stuff. Everything is pure experience, fact-based. If other people make good things for the betterment of themselves, there's no reason for me not to excel.

As for me, it may seem odd but I find inspiration in reading scientific things. I get too excited. The humility one can learn from science is priceless. The arguments among scientists that always boil down by subjecting them in scrutiny to arrive at certain theories and laws bewilder me. Their capability to balance skepticism and open-mindedness also makes me realize of somethings in life.

YES! I'm a person of science.

Anyway, just a piece of unsolicited advice:

During tough times, look for an empirical inspiration, put it to test and be open to its possibilities.

random sadness.

hanep na bakasyon. nasosobrahan ata ako nang kakapanood ng teleserye.
alright. syempre dahil nga self-centered ako at walang pakialam sa problema ng mundo e nalulungkot na naman ako. wala lang. bigla na naman yung malamig na pakiramdam. yung pakiramdam na walang romantically inclined sa'yo. na kung meron man e sinukuan ka pa. ayos. deym. nakakainis. walang tumatanggap. hahaha. anyway, highway, bahala na...
no high hopes for love this 2012. hanggang wala pang consistent at seryosong lalaki, career-career muna. okay lang ang loveless kesa sa jobless.


hahhaha! whew! pero, seryoso? wala pa talaga? as in? for real? what's wrong with me ba? where did i go wrong? hahaha! oh wells.. pramis..kahit di pa commitment na bongga, keri ko.hahaha! the fuck. kaya walang sumeseryoso sakin e. tsss.

hayness..whyness..haha..keri lang.keri lang.

whew!

Honest to Goodness.

Basically, I'm broke. I donated all the money I saved at Tabang Sendong; I bought two bags of grocery items and bottled water. I don't regret it, though. The people in CDO and Iligan need it more than I do. Well, I should have saved more for my holiday expenses. I wanna watch some movies. I also have to party with my friends. And of course, I wanted to buy something for myself. Goodness! I'm broke. My family's broke. Hahaha. What's new?

Anyway, I'm thankful to everyone who greeted me and is still having the thoughts of greeting me this Yuletide. I appreciate your warm kindness and thoughtful gesture.

Weeee!

Alright, bigla akong kinabahan.

THESIS!!! Hahaha! :D

When I Die...

Don't ever think that I'm having thoughts of committing suicide. Alright? Hahahaha!

Okay. When I die, I'll prove to everybody that heaven, hell and purgatory never exist. I don't know how I'll do it, but I will.

Alanganin

Me singing Colors of the Wind at the top of my lungs.

AKO: feeling ko talaga ma, pang musical ang boses ko. di ba?
MAMA: tumigil ka nga maria eleanor! ansakit sa tenga nyang kakakanta mo. tigilan mo nga yan.
AKO: Ayaw mo na ngayon kay Pocahontas? sige...

Me singing Part of Your World

MAMA: Baliw ka talagang Malean ka!
AKO: Di ba shen, bagay?
SHEN: Eee. Ang ingay mo ate!
PAPA: Lean, tigil na yan. Maingay.

AKO: broken-hearted* T______T


HAHAHAHAHA!

attempt to become a broadway singer: FAILED.

Lady ang Gaga.

You have successfully shun the person who cares for you.
Congratulations! Happy now?

Takte. Tara shot! Hahaha!
Hay naku.

when someone tells you,

"...i like you."

the proper response is,

"i like you too"

not

"i like myself too!"

Hay naku Malean. Anong klaseng excitement ba ang hinahanap mo? Ang nice naman nung tao sa'yo. Sobrang pantataray na nga ginagawa mo pero ang patient nya pa sa'yo. Tsss. Bakit sino ba gusto mo? Yung four-leaf clover na masaya na sa girlfriend nya ngayon. Come on! Cut that bullshit, move on. Ayan na ang chance of a lifetime o. Pfft.

Rude, too rude.

Panic Tuesday!

Head aches.
Body aches.
Heart aches.

Fuck. I'm totally screwed!

I should start writing that integration paper thing. Or maybe not. HAHA!

Cough.
Colds.

Crap! I'm in deep shit.


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Dear Crush na Mahilig sa Mountain Climbing,

Bigla kitang naalala.

Ako'y hands down sa'yo. Grabe! Napaka-out going mo! Geeez. I hope I would also have the chance to climb a mountain. Buti ka pa. Hehehe! And to think na magaling ka rin magsulat tapos you're into Creative Writing pa, wala na, ikaw na! Ikaw na talaga! Demi-god ka siguro! Hahaha! Did I mention na good-looking ka rin at sobrang bait? Grabe. May tao pa palang tulad mo. Hahaha! Anyway, isang beses lang naman kita nakita sa Wharf pero heto't FB stalker mo na ko. Hehehe! I know it would be difficult to see you again pero solb na ko. Solb na ko lalo pa't paminsa-minsan tayong nagkaka-chat. Whew! Thank you nga pala kasi kahit unaware ka e isa kang inspiration for a struggling writer like me. 'Yun. Thank you!

E wag daw pa-obvious na may crush ako sayo. Dapat daw e hindi masyadong comment nang comment at like nang like ng mga FB post mo. E ano naman? Malabong mag-krus ulit ang ating landas. Hahaha.

I'm a fan! ^_______^

bouncy no more.

and it just missed not to hit me...

-BAAAAAANG!

when will i stop being the nice girl?

for the effin HOMMMMMEEEE RUUUUUN,

can i start being somebody's girl?

READ!

i am not being self-centered anymore, i am sharing myself.

NOTICE. NOTICE.

Crap. This sucks. I'm like a valence electron. I should have a pair!
Pffft.


Alright. This is me with the dramatic and homo-erotic agitation between my estrogen and progesterone.

Hell of a Day.

Arg. >_____<

Masama ito, ang aga pa lamang e frustrated na ko. Whew! Ang hirap mag-chill.
Rizal at Advertising.
Stress kayo! STRESSSS!

>______<

Dear Tuesday,
Please be kind to us.
Love,
Mal the Frustrated