Letter to a Friend

My Beloved,

I never thought my love for you will go this far. It reaches the peak of a mountain and touches the surface of an ocean floor. It reveals itself each time you unfold a piece of yourself to me. It grows stronger everytime we disclose each other's untold tales. For the years that gone by, I know I played my role nobly. I portrayed every act truthfully. I put my heart in every single thing you perceive. And the role given to me was to become your friend.

My love, you never heard me nag about it. I never even complained about your decision. I have respected it until this day on. I told you a hundred and one times that I'm comfortable with what friendship we have. I don't worry much if you don't like me more than I hope you did. It became one of the most mundane things in my own world. I tell you this; it made me a happy and contented being. If you will just let me stay...

Many things had happened. Friends came and friends left. I admit you weren't the only one I felt love with. There were a couple of them. I tried and succeeded in loving them but sadly, they left. With a stroke of luck, I'm fortunate to have you as my confidant of heartaches and life's pains. You have eased all those burdens and covered the with hopes. Your words left me nothing but a smile and a promise of good fate for tomorrows. I was more than grateful that you played your role well, just like what I did.

My heart put resistance to this. It beats faster when you're around. My tummy seemed not to participate. It produces thousands of butterflies fluttering when you speak. My mouth dried up and repeatedly gulped. It forgets to speak fluently when you ask. My eyes gaze at your marble-eyes. It tries to seek the spark of love. My love, it's only you whom I know can make me feel practically cold because of nervous under an ordinary summer sky.

Though I obviously panic when you're there I still manage to show myself to you. I can be the person I am in front of you without hesitation of rejection. I can be the angel you know I am and the devil you laugh about. And I'm happy that you too never put disguise. It made me fall to you even more. As there's no day I haven't loved you. It's just funny to say that degree sometimes varies as sometimes you unconsciously push me away from you.

How time flies. I've been in loved to you for almost six years. Come to think that I have known you for six years and been one of your closest friends in that span of time. Everything has changed but I wonder why this affection I have for you remains. Many times you told me to forget this magical stuff for it won't do me any good. Yet looking at those years spent loving you, I became a person that epitomizes compassion and dignity. I became a person who values even the simplest thing. I became a person, a true person.

But my love, I seem to annoy you. I seem to interfere with your life, maybe because I care. I can't fathom if you indeed understand that you're the one I love and that I never expect for any reciprocated emotions. Just the friendship will do. So why you are again for the hundredth time, try to shun me from you? Why do you keep on telling me to live on and get a life? Why don't you just let me stay...even from afar? Why do you say that I'm living in my own fantasy waiting for that freaking guy? Why do I need to cease the fire when it's there silently making you feel warm?

It hurt me most, I say. I never expected you to express those words so profound that it bites my heart out. If you will just let me stay...

Well now I think beseeching for my existence in your life to persist is utopia. Fictional. I'm here, still undecided, digging the other side of the world to find the answer. Will I let go of this insanity for you? Will I let go to give myself a favor? Will I stay a lifetime more for you? Will I stay because you hold the key on the door of absolute bliss? Tell me my love, tell me.

More than fiction

His voice filled my being.
It's a glimpse of heaven having him around. We were indeed having a good time with each other's company. And then he lead me in a bright room where nothing is seen but wide space. I turned my gaze to him but he was nowhere to be found. I tried to hold back the tears but it was impossible. I coudn't confine myself any longer. Fears devoured my rigid body. I coudn't summon any courage to break the chain of darkness. It's encircling me now. It started to be bright then it faded slowly; until nothing was left but a mere space of eternal darkness.

friends

wooh!

Namiss ko sila ng bongang bonga..hahhaa. akalain nyong susugod ako sa gastusang walang pera..shett..hahha

ang saya ng araw na 'to... lupet sa trip.. ewan.basta kakaiba ang feeling pag kasama mo yung mga kaibigan mo..bliss pare. BLISS! hahaha.

un..

anyway...

teka..hmm. worried about ako dun sa research thingy..
hay, hala..baka iniisip nila uber na kaya ko mag-isa yung research..hmm.
hindi naman yun sa ganun..kasi alam kong may pinagkakabusyhan ung groupmates ko na para din sa buong class..and wala pa akong maitulong dun so..ako na muna dun sa research namin..
nag-eenjoy naman kasi akong gawin yun kahit minsan nosebleed..pero..yun.. i love what i do..kaya walang kaso..di ko naman nakakalimutan na may mga kagrupo ako...yun..haaha
nag-explain.. :)

anyway..bukas naman military parade..sows..gud luck sci high! :)

dunno

okay.

I'm freaking excited!
I'm freaking hoping that all the planets are on their right orbits.
I'm freaking begging that all the gods and goddesses in Mount Olympus love me.

weeh.

But, God, here's a deal... (sounds as though God and I are really friends)
You take that poison out of his system, out of his body...not next year..next month..
If that happens.. I'll do anything you want.. I won't reject your calls. I won't miss any of your chats. Swear. Just grant me this wish. I don't mind if it means another five years of being single.hehe.

wooh. as if naman pwede sa kanya makibargain noh..haha.kung pwede lang..eh di sana.. akin na ang unibers..haha

Put the blame on me.

I've never been a good daughter.

I am the one who does not understand her parents.
I am the selfish girl who doesn't seem to care about the things around her.
I am the brat who is very ungrateful to her parents' hardships.
I am the bitch who thinks highly about herself.
I am the daughter who anwers back her parents given any condition.
I am the unthoughtful one.
I am the lazy one.
I am the irresponsible one.

I am the one to blame.

Or am I just overeacting about all the shouts and scolds from my mom?

Who would want to eat dinner while someone's giving you a long and loud litany?
Who would want to study while someone's putting all the burdens of the world in a miniature?

Heck.

It's always me.

Hay, this may be the reason why I prefer to stay late and wandering around the town. Sometimes it's hard to find serenity inside your sanctuary.

What shall i do?

Hay. Magabat na naman pagmati ko.

Nakakasuya.

I'm still hoping na yaon man giraray xa. Pero anong magagawa ko kung iba naman talaga ang gusto nyang gawin sa buhay. Hindi ko naman sya pwede dung pigilan. Hay.

Naggood bye naman ko saiya pero tano ta nakukulugan pa nanggad ako. Ano ta arog kaini ang namamate ko?makulog. magabat.

tano ta arog kani?

kasalan ko talaga kung tano mayong naghahaloy sako?

arog ako kayan ka wooorsstt?duh. dae man ngani.

anong problema ninda sa ugali ko?

anong sala sa mga ginigibo ko?

bako man akong dominante.

possessive, dae man..

selosa, nasa lugar man..

open minded man baga ako..pero tano ini dae ko maintindihan.waah.makulugon ang hanep.

lintik. so ano, pagkamoot ni? o mah lang?