Letter to a Friend

My Beloved,

I never thought my love for you will go this far. It reaches the peak of a mountain and touches the surface of an ocean floor. It reveals itself each time you unfold a piece of yourself to me. It grows stronger everytime we disclose each other's untold tales. For the years that gone by, I know I played my role nobly. I portrayed every act truthfully. I put my heart in every single thing you perceive. And the role given to me was to become your friend.

My love, you never heard me nag about it. I never even complained about your decision. I have respected it until this day on. I told you a hundred and one times that I'm comfortable with what friendship we have. I don't worry much if you don't like me more than I hope you did. It became one of the most mundane things in my own world. I tell you this; it made me a happy and contented being. If you will just let me stay...

Many things had happened. Friends came and friends left. I admit you weren't the only one I felt love with. There were a couple of them. I tried and succeeded in loving them but sadly, they left. With a stroke of luck, I'm fortunate to have you as my confidant of heartaches and life's pains. You have eased all those burdens and covered the with hopes. Your words left me nothing but a smile and a promise of good fate for tomorrows. I was more than grateful that you played your role well, just like what I did.

My heart put resistance to this. It beats faster when you're around. My tummy seemed not to participate. It produces thousands of butterflies fluttering when you speak. My mouth dried up and repeatedly gulped. It forgets to speak fluently when you ask. My eyes gaze at your marble-eyes. It tries to seek the spark of love. My love, it's only you whom I know can make me feel practically cold because of nervous under an ordinary summer sky.

Though I obviously panic when you're there I still manage to show myself to you. I can be the person I am in front of you without hesitation of rejection. I can be the angel you know I am and the devil you laugh about. And I'm happy that you too never put disguise. It made me fall to you even more. As there's no day I haven't loved you. It's just funny to say that degree sometimes varies as sometimes you unconsciously push me away from you.

How time flies. I've been in loved to you for almost six years. Come to think that I have known you for six years and been one of your closest friends in that span of time. Everything has changed but I wonder why this affection I have for you remains. Many times you told me to forget this magical stuff for it won't do me any good. Yet looking at those years spent loving you, I became a person that epitomizes compassion and dignity. I became a person who values even the simplest thing. I became a person, a true person.

But my love, I seem to annoy you. I seem to interfere with your life, maybe because I care. I can't fathom if you indeed understand that you're the one I love and that I never expect for any reciprocated emotions. Just the friendship will do. So why you are again for the hundredth time, try to shun me from you? Why do you keep on telling me to live on and get a life? Why don't you just let me stay...even from afar? Why do you say that I'm living in my own fantasy waiting for that freaking guy? Why do I need to cease the fire when it's there silently making you feel warm?

It hurt me most, I say. I never expected you to express those words so profound that it bites my heart out. If you will just let me stay...

Well now I think beseeching for my existence in your life to persist is utopia. Fictional. I'm here, still undecided, digging the other side of the world to find the answer. Will I let go of this insanity for you? Will I let go to give myself a favor? Will I stay a lifetime more for you? Will I stay because you hold the key on the door of absolute bliss? Tell me my love, tell me.