Confused worlds.

slept and woke up with a broken heart...

Peste. Ansakit sa mata.
Eh sino naman ba kasing may sabing umiyak ka nang umiyak hanggang sa makatulog ka? It's your damn fault. Eh sino ba naman kasing hindi iiyak kung sobrang nalulungkot di ba? Aalis na siya mamaya at hindi ko alam kung kelan ko ulit siya makikita. Hindi ko rin alam kung pagkatapos ngayong araw e magiging katulad pa rin kami nang dati. Mahirap. Masakit. Ewan. Peste. Ang gulo kasi...


Hay naku. :'(

:(

Whole
by Katrina Wendt

Stop showing
You love me
A little at a time.

Stop saying
You care
Bit by bit.

Stop keeping
Me here
For tiny pieces of time.

Because I need
All of you
Not piece by piece.

I love
All of you
Not just some parts of you.

So love all of me
All the way
All the time.

Or let all of me go
All at once
For good.

Sick love note.

Hell. You are in love lady.

Hay. Hirap na hirap kang aminin kasi natatakot ka na once sabihin mo 'yon e makakaisip magwalk out ng buhay mo 'yung lalaki. You don't want to tell him you're already in love with him kasi baka mag-mukha ka na namang tanga in the end. Every day is a torment. Ang hirap kasi di ka sanay sa suppressed emotions kaya lang mas pipiliin mo 'to kesa masaktan ulit.

Hay naku. Parang di ka na nasanay sa ganitong sitwasyon. Pustahan, sasabihin mo rin tapos one day or two okay pa kayo then biglang maiisip ng lalaki na heck, ayaw nya pa ng commitment. Ayos di ba? Totally cool! Hay.

HEY!

Dear MR. LOOOOONG-DISTANCE,

...because you're trespassing my mind for days already.

Listen up, yow! Or most appropriately read this carefully, just in case you are indeed reading this. Anyway, READ: I LIKE YOU. Surprise? Yeah. I do, man. I really like you. You are sooo nice and I find you attractive. There are just some flaws that make this confession a crap.

To start with, I'm a stubborn lady. I do what I want, and I do not do what I do not want. Does that make any sense? Er, who cares? Yeah.
Second, I'm restless, spontaneous and very adventurous. I don't give a damn what others do or plan to do. It's just me being freeee and outgoing. I have this impulse to watch a movie ALONE whenever I want to even if it means I should walk my ass off after that movie. I have this little dream of climbing the Kadlagan wall in downtown. I go on jogging almost everyday of summer mornings and I don't care if I'll be doing it alone.
Third, I have the tendency to flirt and mingle with other guys. Flirting (not on its finest, actually) with guys who are awesome and having a crush on a random guy who has an awesome personality is normal to me. I mingle with them and of course befriend them to the most mundane way. Okay, flirting is such a strong word against me. Alright, I'm just being friendly. I've got a bunch of guy friends. I hang-out with each of them and I really love them.
Fourth, I hate being annoyed. Who wanted that? I don't want someone texting me all the time. I don't want someone asking me my whereabouts. I don't want someone asking me details of common things. I don't want mushy things all the time.
Fifth, If I like you, don't over react. I used to like many guys too.
Sixth, I'm all screwed up. I mean, I can't handle a damn long distance relationship thing. I cannot commit myself to a person who is miles away from me. That's exhausting and sad.
Seventh, I don't believe in your god. Oh, that's a harsh one but that's true. I don't pray. I don't acknowledge the belief to an invisible supreme being. Nietzsche once said, "I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time." I'm sorry I cannot be in one with you and your faith.

Eight....hey, you sure you still like me?

Oh well, eight, I'm not a rich kid. We rent in this small house. My parents aren't professionals but I love them with all my heart and consciousness. I'm trying to go up to the stairs of life for them but right now I'm a poor, educated, and self-absorbed kid.
Ninth, I fall in love deeply. Many times that I had my heart broken. I have this constant ability to lose guys I love. After I fell for them so deeply, they simply started to disappear. Brilliant, isn't it? If you are planning to love a lunatic like me, you should prepare yourself for an emotional adventure of a lifetime.

Okay. Now. I don't know if you still like me. But, oh well, this is better. I never thought I would say this to any guy, but yes, you are tooooo good for me. Not that the guys I go out with are inferiors, it's just that we are not in the same sky.

I don't know. I just wish you aren't giving up on me yet.
Hahaha. Ang arte lang e. Hay naku.

Truthfully,
El

Another Weird Moment.

Asking the person you used to love about falling in love again is a bit, er, awkward. It is a weird crap that nobody in her right mind would do. Well, I would like to believe that this does not apply to us, or the least, not to me. Asking him is really a crazy idea especially in the middle of the night. Good heavens! I'm really a heck of a lady!

Anyway, I got an essential insight from him. One must not think of expectations when falling in love. That's a good one, right?

So, what's next?
I don't know. I should not be thinking about this in the first place. Pfft!

Oh crap. Masyado na namang nagrarationalize. Weighing the consequences na naman. My bad. Eeeee. Ano na kaya yan? Hahaha!

Somebody's there waiting to take care of you. But here you are pushing that person away. Ang galing! Tapos mag-da-drama ka na walang nandyan para sa'yo. Magulo ka lang 'te? Ang arte-arte lang!

Well, the easiest way to escape this bothersome situation is indifference. Hahaha! Sige lang, suppress your emotion. Anlayo ng mararating mo nyan, iha. Whew. Sige lang, push people away and eventually you'll get what you want- to be alone and in total control of your precious self. Hay, ewan. :|

Just saying.

text tapos tumatawag na...hmm.bolder dear, bolder.
i'm starting to get curious. you really are into me, aren't you?
er, or am i just an assuming moron?
na, here's the truth,
i LIKED you.
you were fine and all.
cool and smart.
but judging by the small conversations we had,
things might not work with the two of us.
come on. you're tooooo nice. not that i was looking for another rude guy.
dunno. i have a change of mind and a change of heart.
i don't really think that this is the right time.
hay. malabo.
malayo ka saken. malayo ako sayo.
hindi pwedeng tawag at text lang.
mahirap bumuo ng pagkakaibigan sa ganyan.
hindi ko forte ang ganyan.
what more ang bumuo ng romantic relationship?
your decision hurt me but i'm now cool with it.
i've already given it a thought.
we're better off this way. kung sa isang taon magkaroon ng pagkakataon, why not?
pero sa ngayon, NO.

I hate the stars because I look at the same ones as you do, without you.

It's weird.
I miss you.
Yesterday I kept on reading your messages the whole day.
Waiting, yearning for another message from you.
It's weird.
I like you.
But I can't do anything to be with you right now.
You can't be here. I can't be there.

Hay. Sad story na naman.
Keri lang. Carry on.

I'll stop the world and melt with you.

Goodness!
Mukhang hindi na ko mi-mingle sa iba.
I FOUND HIM! ^_____^

PERO
Bat naman kung kelan may ISANG TAO nang handang samahan ka e tska naman ANLAYO niya sa'yo? BAKEEEET?

Gulay. LONG DISTANCE SUCKS BIG TIME.

I wanna get to know you better.
I wanna share good times with you.
But how can we do these when we're miles apart? Hay naku.

Suya. Arg.
Nakakainis. Nakakalungkot.

Pakiramdam ko, ikaw na 'yung matagal na hinihintay ko. Maybe waiting for a couple of months won't matter. Sana hindi magbago 'yung kung anumang nararamdaman mo. Ewan. Hindi pa rin kasi natin masabi. Pwede rin kasing lunukin ko lahat ng sinusulat ko ngayon. Pwedeng bukas o sa makalawa e mag-boyprend na ko bigla. Hindi natin alam kung ano pa ang mga susunod na magaganap. Ewan. Yes, I want you here. I want you here beside me.
Hay naku, kung nandito ka lang talaga e tiyak matutuwa ka naman. Hay.

Pero 'yan, tulad nga nang napag-usapan naten, wala talagang patutunguhan ang ganitong sistema. Eeee. >______<

Wala. Hay. Ano ba yan, parang andami ng lalaki ang nabanggit ko dito sa blog ko. Lahat e pambihirang hindi nagiging totoo. DRAWING LAHAT. Ano ba? Hindi naman ako mahirap magkagusto, obviously. Basta nice and may makita lang akong something awesome about the person, yun na yun. Hay naku. Hindi rin pala ikaw ang unang attempt ng long distance. Pero, er, it's kinda different with you. Baket kaya? Hay. Mabigyan lang talaga ako ng isang araw kasama ka, naku! Oh well, ganyan talaga.
Nemen yen! Arg.

Bat kasi ngayon ka lang nagsabi, di ba? Ansuplado mo pa nga sakin dati tapos you find me weird. Ni hindi kita pagkakamalan na may, er, something saken. Hahaha! Ngayon, er, we badly want to be with each other. Kasi naman...bat kasi... Hay naku.
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Wag na. Wag na lang magmahal. Hahaha! Okay na yan, friends na lang sa lahat. Hahaha! Magkirirsan na sana para cool lang. Pfft. Hahaha! Kasi naman... >____<