HOMEEEE!

Dang!

Right now, I am inside an overpriced computer shop which uses Internet Explorer as their web browser. Precious!

I'm stuck here in Manila with no job yet. And as of this moment I feel terribly bad because of menstrual cramps. Hate it! I have no one to talk to since I already ran out of load and my friend went somewhere else. Hay. I want to go home and hug mom.

Menstruation has really a bad effect on me. Haaaaay.

I want my MOMMMMM!

Manila Bound.

Few hours from now Le Goddess is leaving for Manila. I'm gonna try my luck there and I hope to nail an exceptionally decent job. I feel excited and nervous at the same time. I'm being hesitant because I am fully aware that there are better fresh graduates than me who deserve to get a job just like me. But who knows? I might bump into a dream job or something better than what I expected.

Let the wonders of life surprise me. Whew! I thought I would not be needing a "good luck" but go ahead and tell me to do good!

As the famous Hunger Games film says, "MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR."

two fully-packed bags

You, fine man!

Nagluksong kadikit si puso ko
pag-hiling ko sa cellphone ko.
Ika palan napa-missed call sa'ko.

^______^
do not mind my failed attempt to poetry. aw, this extra happy feeling is giving me tons of motivation. hoho!

Totally Random!

He was the happiest when I told him I graduated Cum Laude. This in return made me the luckiest. How's that?

Dang! I smell another heart break. Oh well, what's new?

FML.

I'll take your hand and hold it closer to mine. Thought love was dead, but now you're changing my mind.

Tuwang-tuwang-tuwa!

Gulay! Kelan ka ba magiging hindi attractive sa paningin ko? Ha? Kelan ka ba titigil sa pagiging gentleman mo? At bakit kelangan mo ng bitibitin pati bag ko? Anyare po? Gulay! Alam mo bang natatakot ako sa mga gestures mo? Pano kung maraming negative ang mangyari? Hay, ayoko munang mag-assume. Syet. Bat ka kasi gumaganun? Bakeeeeet? Hahaha! Pero hayan, salamat!

Again, I am mesmerized. Whew!

Salamat sa tuwa na lagi mong hatid! You marvelous creature!

End.

Hay. Potek. Pinapalayas na kami ng relihiyosong may-ari ng bahay. Ayos. Ang dahilan e naaabala raw ang motor nyo sa pagdaan dahil andaming nakapark na tricycle. Nyemas! Ambabaw! Hay. Ngayon, mabaliw-baliw na naman ang tatay ko, kasi wala na naman nga kaming ibang source of income, at isa pa ayokong mag-self pity na naman siya. Hay.

Kelangan ko na talagang makatulong. Iwas muna sa mga magastos na bagay. Kelangan ko munang unahin sina mama at papa at ang pagkakaroon namin ng sariling bahay. Yung tipong wala ng magpapalayas sa amin. Hay. Ayoko ng may gumaganoon sa magulang ko, ayokong ginigipit sila ng kung sino. Kelangan maging selfless ako at maging mabuting anak. :((

Plans.

I have to start getting control of things. I have to be more mature and I have to pull myself together. Whew! Kelangan na mag-asikaso. Kelangang maging handa sa laban. Real world na raw ito. Kakayanin. Whew!

Magaling ako. Passionate sa mga bagay at determinado. Once I set myself to the goal there's no stopping. I can do this! Whew!

Kung sakaling kelangan na talaga mag-isa, kakayanin ko pa rin 'to. Go lang nang go! :D

The Bitter One.

I'm the bitter one because I feel so down. I don't know how to go on a date. I am too scared to go on a date. I appear strong because I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be hurt again and again and again. I doubt and most of the times I freak out. I act so dumb. I tend to push the good ones away. I'm a coward.

I am the bitter one because nobody reciprocated my affection.

Sayang,

Isang maarteng paglalahad ng isang nasayang na something.

Hahaha!

Ewan. Salamat ha? Feeling ko, ang ganda-ganda ko kagabi. Hehehe. Thank you!
E kaso pare, you're with somebody right now e. Pano yan? Hahaha! Ewan. Sadyang wrong timing lagi ang pasok natin. When I first met you sabi ni Aika, bawal ka kasi taken na raw. Tapos nakita kita sa CAO and you were like, uhm, being too friendly to me. Hayan. Nabuko ka pa ng isang team mate mo na may crush ka raw sakin. E sorry, in love talaga ko nung mga oras na 'yun at duh, may girlfriend ka. There, lumipas ang maraming months na hindi kita nakita. Kadalasan e nagkakatextan tayo. Mga friendly nothings as usual binobola mo ko ng mga compliments mo at kung maka-alok kang lumabas e wagas. Sorry, pakipot. Alam ko kasing may somebody else ka pa kaya ayokong umeksena. Ilang linggong walang text at ni hindi kita ma-sight sa campus...tapos malaman-laman ko nag-shift ka pala ng Comm at break na raw kayo ng gf mo. So, agad-agad lang, te? Bongga. Sabi ko, eto na 'to...here na ang boy na pwedeng magbaba ulit ng itinayo kong walls. E pagtinging ko sa fb mo, ang default pic mo e picture nyo ni girlfriend. Hayan, sabi ko false info. Huwag na tuloy saka baka di naman talaga magtugma ang mga hilig natin. Huwag na. Naunahan na ko ng takot at doubt kaya di na rin ako umeksena sa life mo. I just ignored your presence kasi nga baka waley lang. E totoo pala na nag-break kayo, tapos nagkabalikan, tapos nagbreak na raw ng tuluyan. Ang kaso naman parang nawalan na ko ng spark sa'yo e kasi naman natakot akong baka matulad lang to sa iba.

And when the time came na I think I can manage to have somebody in my life again...BOOOM!
...wala ka na sa Media Studies at BOOOOM!
...you're already exclusively dating somebody na.

Tapos kagabi e nagkasama ulit tayo ng wala sa plano. Kung makabanat ka pa naman parang tayong dalawa lang. Nakakahiya man aminin pero kahit papano e pasok yung ibang banat mo. Ayos. May spark. Pero hindi ayos kasi di na pwede. Ganoon talaga e. Sabi mo nga kung maibabalik lang ang oras e gusto mong ibalik. Pero hindi kasi ganoon yun. Ngayon lahat na lang nang nangyari e joke, lahat na lang yun e simpleng asaran at banatan, lahat yun ay walang saysay na.

Naisip ko, bat ka kasi nawala agad?
Bat ba kasi masyado akong natakot?
Bat kasi hindi na lang tayo lumabas ng alukin mo ko nung pareho tayong nasa Manels?
Bat kasi sobra pa kong nagpakipot kahit alam kong gusto rin naman kita?
Bat kasi wrong timing tayo sa isa't isa?

Sayang, mas masaya sana.

*disclaimer: masaya na ko para sa'yo. hindi ako manggugulo. good luck sainyo! :)

Clover Chips.

at kahit gaano kita ka-miss,
romantic man 'to o platonic kuno,
hinding-hindi ko sasabihin na sobra na ang pangungulila ko sa'yo,
hindi ko aaminin na gustong-gusto na kitang makita't makausap,
at hindi ko kailanman ipapaalam sa'yo na iniisip pa rin kita.

ang labo, tsong. malabo. ang hirap.
malungkot isipin kaya wag na lang. sapat na ang ganito.
wala ka rin naman pakialam.
wala naman akong pinanghahawakan kasi nga sabi nya,
"you never had him."

K.

badtrip. :|

MSS FUN DAY 2012

'Twas our last MSS Fun Day and I am beyond happy that we all had a great time!
the place was great, it was our 3rd time there. the food was delicious and FREE, need i elaborate? the people, oh, we are the living proof of awesomeness! our teachers, you just have to love them!

it was my first time to swim in that outfit. hahaha! i am now confident! but i must say i have to work out on my tummy, gotta have my beautiful abs back!
next time i'll be wearing a two piece! hahaha!

Pieces.

Just random body parts.

Something You will Scribble when you see yourself taking off your top in a big screen.

in chaotic sync

depths of stains
tainted melodies
tormented souls
blurred distorted
tangled twisted
all corners resembling
pitch dark

Deym! Nakakahiya talaga. Goodness. Ano ba kasing pumasok sa isip ko? Hahaha! Dapat tulad na lang nung kina Naxcz and Nagj na conservative naman pero maganda pa rin. At least yun, walang take your clothes off. Arg.

Anyway, napansin ko lang parang masyadong leaning on the dark side ang mga pelikulang involve ako. Recuerdo, something about emasculation. Kikik, horror stuff, need I say more? Maganda sana kung magaling akong magsulat. I should practice more kung sakaling gagawa pa ulit kami ng film. Cool. Ang cool kasi when Director Pepe Diokno watched both our films, yung Kikik at Silbato (kina Naxcz, Nagj and Conch) his reviews were very positive. I think mas nagustuhan nya yung Silbato because of its unique story and beautiful cinematography. Ayos! Ang galing! Yung samin kasi e talagang....hahaha.. maganda rin naman pero may kulang o di kaya ay may sobra. Nakakatuwa lang isipin na parang mga pangarap lang naming lahat ang gumawa ng mga pelikula pero heto't na-a-acknowledge na rin ng ibang tao. And sa part ng Silbato, direktor pa! Whew! Sana naka-inspire kami ng mga lower batches. Sana maayos ko pagsusulat ko. Hahaha! Sana magkaroon pa ng maraming opportunities para sa aming nag-aaspire pasukin ang film industry. Yeah!

Going back to Recuerdo, hayan, nakakahiya. Gulay! Hahaha! Tapos na yun. Move on. Hahaha!

Medyo kinakabahan ako ngayon. Baka kasi, hindi magustuhan ng audience yung Kikik. Pero, ayos lang naman, para ma-improve pa, di ba? Grabe. Isang buwan na lang, unemployed na ko. HAHAHAA!


Ohhhh, the randomness!

sometimes it feels bad when i feel bad about something i shouldn't feel bad about, because it's a bad thing to feel bad when all things going around me isn't that bad.

my bad. :|

CARZY LEIF PALN.

One day, I will become rich. I will have my own house and lot. I will drive a decent car. I will travel the Philippines. I will take pictures of Las Vegas, Australia, Japan, Canada, Belgium, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, India, London, Spain, France and Italy. I will visit South Africa. I will send three students to college. I will make many short films. I will win a film festival. I will marry a man who loves me as much as I love him. I will have a beautiful family. I will be a good mother. I will explore the world. I will make my career flourish. I will make a change. I will die.




And the world will know my name.

Wada F?

WARNING: SEXUAL CONTENT.

Er...I feel sexually tensed and it's a bit strange. I don't know. I don't know how to let it out or if I should really let this tension out. Arg. Why are my hormones all charged up? I'm exhausted and stressed and from what I know, people who are stressed have problems in their sexual drives. In short, I shouldn't feel this thing right now. I don't know who I'm gonna talk with or how should I even start this thing. Arg. I don't have a boyfriend to let this feeling (at least LITTLE by LITTLE) be released. Deym! I know this sounds normal but well, it's still fucking oddddd to me! And now, I'm worried. Damned that zodiac sign's description. It says that Scorpios are the most sexual and sensual creatures. Arggg. Am I experiencing those kinds of stuff? Waaaa! Darn it! Darn it!

Ayoko ng ganito kasi hindi ko man alam kung paano i-eexpress. Duh. Alangan namang magsariling sikap ako which is hindi ko rin alam kung paano. Wala naman akong mapagbuhusan ng ganitong pakiramdam. The hellllll! Scumbag body!

Para tuloy nag-iinit pati ulo ko. Iritado much na hindi ko maunawaan. Grrr!

We Nailed It!

Oh! We nailed it!

This morning I was so positive about things. I sent my thesis mates a message that says, "This is our day!" Indeed, it is our day! Geeez. I thought it wouldn't turn out well that's why I'm preparing myself not to feel frustrated...but oh, it turned so damned good! There's absolutely nothing to be afraid of.

Weee! The members of the panel was very kind. They gave us their honest assessments of our film and suggested for possible improvements. It was a surreal feeling.

I was so glad when Sir Tito Valiente (a member of Manunuri ng Pelikulang Pilipino-- MMP) pointed out how he loved the ending. It amazed me because I was at first hesitating to pursue that kind of ending. I thought they wouldn't like it. I thought they would accused me for badly copying a nicely done scene of Citizen Kane. I thought wrong. That was, for me, the most rewarding part of the public thesis defense. For one moment, I felt that I know something about artistic expression and film style. It was a magical moment to hear an expert praising how brilliant that scene was.

I also love to brag that he even asked us to do some revisions of the film for him to send it to the MMP and give it a chance to bag an Urian! Deym! That is a hell of an award giving body, that I realized just now.

Things are falling into their rightful places. All the hard works totally paid off. We are very proud and happy to make such a masterpiece. There will be loads of revisions to be done but we are still enthusiastic to improve it.

Maybe for our grades...for an experience of a lifetime...or maybe for ART'S SAKE. Thank you everyone! :*