So be it.part2

Kabanata 2- Mukha ng mga kabataan

Maaga gumising si Celine upang tapusin ang binigay na takdang aralin ng kanyang guro. Hindi niya kasi ugali ang gumawa kaagad nito pagdating pa lamang ng bahay. Isa siya sa maraming estudyanteng ipinagpapaliban hanggang kinabukasan ang mga gawain. Katwiran niya minsan, "Mas nakakapag-isip kasi ako sa umaga." Hindi man lubos na kapani-paniwala ay matataas pa rin ang nakukuha niyang marka sa unibersidad na pinapasukan. Natural na siguro sa kanya ang pagiging matalino. Hindi pa riyan kasali ang katotohanang may kaya sa buhay ang kanyang pamilya kung kaya't lahat ng pang-akademikong bagay ay abot kamay niya.

"Ma, Midterms na namin sa isang linggo, 5K ang babayaran ko", paantok nitong pagsasalita nang makita ang ina.

"O sige, mamayang tanghali ay umuwi ka at kunin mo dito, hindi pa kasi ako nakapag withdraw", sambit ng ina sa kanyang dalaga.

Sa isang boarding house, ilang kilometros ang layo sa bahay nina Celine, ay mahimbing pa ring natutulog si Benj. Galing siya kagabi sa isang inuman kasama ang ilang barkada. Madalas niyang ginagawa ang ganito. Inuman, barkada at yosi ang siklo ng kanyang buhay kolehiyo. Wala siyang pakialam sa sinasabi ng kanilang guro sa tuwing nangangaral ang mga ito ukol sa masasamang bunga sa katawan ng alak at sigarilyo.Hindi siya nababagabag sa pagbulusok pababa ng kanyang marka sa bawat pagsagot sa guro nila at sa madalas na pagsigaw ng "Sheeet! Quiz na naman!" kahit pati kabilang klase na ang nakakarinig nito. Ngunit pagbayaran na tuwing bago darating ang mga exams ay mabilis pa siya kay The Flash. Isang bagay na ipinagtataka ng kanyang mga barkada.


Kung anung bilis sa pagbabayad ng matrikula ni Benj ay siya namang bagal ni Alice. Hindi niya malaman kung paano muling makikiusap sa kanyang mga guro na pakuhanin na siya ng exam kahit wala pang Exam Permit. At paminsan-minsan ay mayroong mga maiintindihing guro na pinapayagan siya.
Ngunit kadalasan ay minamalas naman, sapagkat di pa siya magtatanong ay maririnig na niya ang malakas na ugong sa klaseng,

"Okay class, tomorrow will be your Prelim Exam, as stated in our school policy, NO PERMIT, NO EXAM! And again based on your handbook only those who have valid reasons will be allowed to get a delayed exam with a fee of 50pesos. Is that clear?"

Ang karamihan ay walang pakialam na tumango na lamang ngunit may ilan-ilang katulad ni Alice na walang ibang sagot kundi malulutong na mura sa kanilang isipan. Halos isumpa nila ang guro dahil tila naialmusal yata niya ang Student Handbook.


Saktong alas-nuebe ay nagsimula na ang klase ni Ma'am Revemendo. Nagsimula na siyang magtawag ng pangalan ng mga estudyante upang malaman kung sino ang wala pa. At tulod ng inaasahan ng lahat ng estudyante ay kumpleto na naman sila. Lahat ay naghihintay sa pagbubukas ng kanilang bagong aralin.

Nakaupo sa pinakamalayong upuan si Benj na wala pa yata sa sarili dahil sa hang-over. Katabi niya ang isang magandang babaeng walang ibang ginagawa kundi pumindot ng keypad ng kanyang telepono. Sa harapan naman ay magkatabing nakaupo si Celine at Alice na pinipigilang tumawa dahil sa takot sa kanilang guro. Sa likod nila ay ang tinaguriang 'Makabagong Pilosopo' na si Ed, ibinulaslas nito sa buong klase na, "naka- rainbow colors na naman si Ma'am!" sabay pakawala ng mala-osong tawa.Mabuti na lamang at umalis sandali si Ma'am Revemendo upang kunin ang naiwan niyang gamit.

"Engs ka talaga, Ed! Muntik na kayang marinig 'yun ni Ma'am!", matinis na pagsigaw ni Trixia sa katabing hindi pa rin natitigil sa pagtawa.

"Trix, relax. Sinisigurado ko namang malyo na si Ma'am kapag sumisigaw ako." patay malisyang sagot nito sa katabing hindi inaalis ang mata sa libro ni Meyer na Breaking Dawn.

"Nandyan na si Ma'am!" kontroladong sigaw ni Marco sa mga kaklase. Siya naman ang nakaupo pinakamalapit sa pintong dinadaanan ng guro.

Mabibigat ang hakbang ni Ma'am Revemendo. Nagbabadya ng bagyo ang malalaki niyang matang nakatitig sa buong klase. Isang malaking bag ang hawak ng kanyang kanang kamay na alam na alam ng mga estudyanteng laptop ang laman. Sa kaliwang kamy ng guro ay isang mahabang envelope ang matatagpuan.

Halu-halo na ang nasa isip ng mga estudyante. Ang lima sa kanila ay may kodigo ng handa. Si Trixia ay papalit-palit ang pagtitig sa guro at sa kanyang notebook. Mahabahabang tulugan naman ang iniisip ni Benj. Si Alice ay patuloy sa pamumutla dahil wala na siyang dahilan para manatili pa sa klase. Nakatitig lang sa kawalan si Marco at lumilipad ang isip.

Isang matapang na boses ang bumasag sa katahimikan ng klase, "Hi Ma'am!", bati nito. Isang matalim na tingin ang hinagip ng mga mata ni Ed dahil sa sinabi.

So be it. part1

Kabanata 1- Lakbay diwa

"Bukas o sa makalawa wala ng tulad mong magbibigay inspirasyon sa mga bata dito sa ating nayon." sambit ni Mang Simong sa gurong kausap.

Tila hindi ito narinig ng binatang guro. Malayo na ang linalakbay ng kanyang diwa. Nagtatalo ang kanyang pagkatao kung tamang daan nga ba ang tinatahak niya patungong pagbabago. Naisin man niyang manatili upang patuloy na maging gabay ng lahat ng kabataan sa nayong ito; hindi pa rin niya magawang isantabi ang isang alternatibong pilit na lumalapit sa kanya- ang mangibang bansa. Kung doon siya magpapatuloy ng kanyang propesyon tiyak dolyar ang kanyang kikitain. Swerte ako kung tutuuisin sapagkat sa krisis na kinahaharap ng Estados Unidos isa ako sa mabibigyan pa ng trabaho. Ito na lamang ang kanyang naisip upang ipagtanggol ang kanyang nalalapit na pag-alis. Sabagay nga naman, maipapaayos na niya ang matagal na idinadaing na sira-sirang bahay ng ina nitong si Aling Marta. Mapagtatapos niya na rin ng pag-aaral ang tatlo pang kapatid. At higit sa lahat, hindi na niya kakailanganing tiisin ang bulok na pamamahala ng paaralang kanyang pinagsisilbihan. Hindi nya na kailangang sikmurain ang bulok na sistema ng pampublikong paaralan. Hindi na siya muling makararanas ng kakarampot na suweldong pulos pa kaltas. Mabuti kung nakikita ang pag-asenso, sa isip-isip ng binata.

"Anak,anak! Ika ba'y nakikinig sa akin?" halos pasigaw nang pagsasalita ng matanda.

At ito ang nagbalik sa binatang guro sa kasalukuyan.

"Ai, oho naman po, lo. Bagkus lamang po ay iniisip ko pa rin kayong pamilya ko. Maipapaayos ko na ang ating bahay at mapagtatapos ko pa ang aking mga kapatid. Hindi na tayo maghihirap pa."magalang na sagot ng binatang guro.

"Anak ka talaga ng tatay mo! Kita mong nangyari sa kanya dun sa Iraq, sa kakapangarap ng mataas ay lumagpak. Ngayon, nasaan siya? Anim na talampakan ngayon ang layo niya sa ibabaw ng lupa." mapagpangaral na sambit ni Mang Simong.

"Lolo naman, alam ninyo naman ho na malayo-layo ang Estados Unidos sa Iraq. At saka ho, ito na ang aking napagpapasyahan.", desididong sagot ng binata.

Hindi na lamang pa nakipagtalo si Mang Simong. Naglakad ito palayo sa kanya,ng walang iniwanang isang gintong pangaral, na ikinagulat niya ng lubusan. Kilala niya ang kanyang lolo Simong, hindi iyon magpapatalo sa anumang usapan. Ang kanyang lolo Simong ang madalas niyang mabanggit kapag nagtuturo siya ng Noli Me Tangere sa mga estudyante niya. Ihinahalintulad niya ito sa karakter ni Pilosopong Tasyo dahil sa pagkarami-raming ideya at pangaral na itinuturo. Nang maalala niya ito'y parang my kirot sa puso siyang naramdaman. Hindi na niya maituturo ang mga obra ni Rizal sa ibang bansa. Ano nga bang alam ng kabataan doon tungkol sa pambansang bayani.

Naupo siya sa isang mahabang bangkong kanina-nina lamang ay inuupuan ni Mang Simong. Muli siyang hinatak ng kanyang diwa upang maglakbay patungo sa bansang hindi pa niya napupuntahan. Paikot-ikot ang kanyang kamalayan sa mga larawan ng bansang ito sa kanyang isipan. Napangiti siya sa kanyang sarili ng maalala ang larawan ni Pangulong Obama. Hindi siya puti, isa siyang itim. Paulit-ulit niya itong binabanggit hanggang sa hatakin siya ng antok at tuluyang makatulog nang nakahandig sa puno.

The night I set myself free

I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questions
all about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
and the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you told me about your Jesus
and how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
not having you here...

I sing,
"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"

I sing,
"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"

I guess this song would best define what I feel right now.

My Beloved has a girlfriend right now and I think he loves that girl. Of course he should. Sigh. We bid each other good bye last Tuesday and I have had told him almost every sentiments I once hid. It's really hard to let him go and set myself free from the affection I have for him. But it would be selfish if I did not do it, and besides he has a girlfriend. Sigh.

At least, I was able to hug him tight and to whisper to him for the last time that I love him. And I still do. hay. Honestly, I want him back. I am willing to bargain with pain for the sake of another short time of being with him. Putik.

I told him I will miss him. I will miss our petty fights, his sweetness, the way he calls me his Princess, the way he hugs me, the way he kisses me, the way he makes my heart jumps by the mere sight of him. I will miss every little thing about him; every little thing we've shared.

And so I am here, trying to face the fact that the guy I love has his own life to live. I am here trying to overcome my longing to hold him again. I am here trying to pretend that I am doing good even without him. I am here trying to fool myself that a life lived without him today would be just the same before he came.

love triumphs over eternal slumber

there was this guy who loves being happy all the time. he seems to be in trouble oftentimes but he handles all these with ease. he has a sanguine personality and never fails to make all his companions happy. he is that ideal guy all girls would willingly die for.

computer.computer.computer.

Our section likes to be inside the CSlab 3 for one particular reason- HANDS-ON. We're having a group activity and our task is to search for computer trivia.

__0__

My mom and I quarreled last night about the conflict of my subjects to the pageant I'm joining. She told me to just get a delayed exam if ever there is an exam I won't be able to take. But I insisted that I will have a hard time getting a delayed permit if that happens. Bottomline- Mom tyold me to just withdraw from the pageant. And for sure she does not want that because she does not talk to me this morning.

The never ending replay

I want to call him mine though he will never be my boyfriend.

He used to call me his princess and often regarded himself as my slave.

While lying at my lap, he once told me, "Oo baga..aso mo lang ako, alipin mo...ano pa nga ba?" Then I gave him a torturing look and said, "Bakit? Nagrereklamo ka?" With his loving smile he took my hand and apologized sweetly, "Hindi naman po, gusto ko naman talaga 'tong ginagawa ko. Prinsesa baga kita."

He means everything to me.
He used to give me more kisses than heartaches.
He used to be drown from my breath than to be drown from liquors.
He used to stay beside me and at the same time takes me to a place of colorful butterflies, fluttering birds and enchanted trees.
He used to love it when I'm jealous of someone.
He used to bite my ears when he wants to hug me.
He used to respect all the things about me.
He used to tell me he loves me.
He used to make my blockmates think that he's madly in love with me. And yes he used to.
He used to like it when I'm eating more than what he eats.
He used to stammer everytime I make him feel I'm staring at him.
He used to say "thank you" whenever I look into his eyes and say "I love you"
He used to mean I love you when he's telling me he's gonna leave me.
He used to tell me he will look for someone better than but can't find one.
He used to smile at me when we accidentally and intentionally taking a glance at each other.
He used to make me feel LOVE.

I never imagined that all the things about him would now be in past tense.

Disasters and catastrophes are not synonymous.

I've been busy since yesterday and this torturing moments will continue until the 14th of December. This is mainly because of an upcoming beauty pageant I'm joining. I don't know what I'm exactly doing in this prestigious event. Yesterday the screening for the 20 official candidates took place and luckily but not so fortunate I was one of those candidates. I never thought I would reach this far though I often tell myself that one of these years I would try to join one. But it's definitely not this year.

I was trembling when I got vis-a-vis with the seven horrific judges. They were all elite-looking persons who were ready to belittle anyone they would not like. Waiting for my number (20) to be called was like waiting for the earth to burst. My nervousness was added by the fact that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit which I never tried in my entire teenage life. Add there another undeniable truth that most of the contestants are very voluptuous and mestiza-looking. I was just waiting for the earth to open up and swallow me alive but it never did happen. So there was I, giving the judges my best walk,turn, and smile. The closed door interview seemed to be an endless flowing river...hay

katamad ng magkwento..miss kamundagan nga pal title nun.

Someone told me happy endings never exist.

I talk. I laugh. I cry. Then I hush myself to sleep.
I shout and then whisper. Cry and then laugh. Then I hush myself to sleep.
Every time I mumble the words of laughter I hear someone sing the song of sadness.
A bit of me is bursting out laughing yet the other side keeps on weeping.

__O__

Again, I type alot of non sense stuffs. I forgot the things that are needed to be done. I talk alot of non sense and this is crap.

__O__

Pardon me for what I type. I may seem to be out of thy self. Putik. I remember our English way back in high school.

Once again I was betrayed by heavens.

How could things seem to fall out of pieces. Fuck. I have nothing in mind but to shiver and mouth vulgar words. I hate being like this because I often feel out of control. I crave a peaceful refuge in a familiar computer shop at downtown but instead I found myself inside a vague looking shop with all its strangers.

__O__

I found myself wondering why I always tend to put myself in such scenarios where in the end I will end up either hurting "I" or "me". Sigh.

__O__

An hour seems eternity I hope I was never this determined to do that crapish English project.Damn.

Just tell me to follow you at the other side of your world and I'll do it without hesitation.

It's not easy for me to think of words or even ideas to post here. It's just that I don't feel typing but it's contrary to what I'm doing. Sigh.

I had stormed out of our humble home and wandered through the downtown before I ended up sitting here and typing things coming from my mind. My mom already called me and after three missed calls I decided to answer her. How rude I am and I hate it. I'm too stubborn to let (even my mom) anyone else disturb my little refuge in sadness.


Well, my mom won after leaving this Internet shop I'll be meeting her somewhere. I know I hurt her for what I have just done. Though somehow I have the control over myself to do otherwise, I did not do it and maybe...I meant it. Sigh.


I just can't understand myself. I remember our NSTP facilitator who keeps on bugging the class with her question.."Who I am? Who are you?" Now it becomes worse for she eleven added "Who I am in the greater scheme of things?" I can't literally answer the first question yet here's another mind disturbing one.

....

Another thing. A guy asked me last night if he can court me. As usual my answer's NO. He insisted but I gave resistance. I told him to find someone better than I. Someone who he can share his feelings with. Someone who is not so weak like me. But, as what guys always do, he persisted. He told me that I am the "closest anybody can be to perfect." That was very fluttering but I still said no.

Who the hell's Celia?

haha..sya lang naman ang nagcomment ng "keep up the good work" sa blog ko sa friendster. at ngayon ko lang yun nalaman.

Celia's not the reason why I'm posting here again.

Today's the start of our second semester but I still can't figure out how time flies so quickly. Someone told me that he'll spend his sem break with me but it was a big joke. Duh, second sem na kaya! I can't blame him though. He has his own life and for sure he has more important stuffs to attend to. Haha. Cognitive dissonance. So what the heck if I wasn't able to spend my entire sem break with him?

__0__

Eng002- Writing in the Discipline

I'd just met my teacher and my new classmates at that said subject. Our teacher Miss MJB enthusiastically told us our supposed-to-be task or requirement for that sem. Guess what? A research paper, survey type and some library reasearch as well. I did not feel any angst when she announced those things. To start with I already had the experience in making research works. Yeah,yabang.haha. As if?! well the contents and format are almost the same, only this time we should hit the deadlines.

__0__

>this is not for anyone of you.but for him alone.so shut up and just read.

Hindi ko alm kung pano ka uumpisahan burahin sa buhay ko. Marami ng gustong tumulong sakin para kalimutan ka pero hanggang ngayon di ko pa rin magawa. Tinutulungan ko na rin sarili ko pero paulit-ulit pa ring bumabalik ang alaala mo sa isip ko. Mahirap intindihin yung ginawa mo ksi wala ka namang malinaw na paliwanag na ibinigay. Ang paulit-ulit mo na lang sinasabi nhidi ko yun kasalanan. Pero kung hindi ko kasalanan, bakit mo ako iniwan? Hindi mo pa rin maikakaila na mahal mo pa ako. Alam kong isa ako sa mga huling taong gusto mong masaktan. Alam kong ginawa mo yon dahil may mas malalim kang dahilan. Alam kong hanggang ngayon hindi mo pa rin ako magawang palitan sa buhay mo. Hindi ko alam kung ako lang nag-iisip nito. Nararamdaman ko pa rin kasi. Crap, this isn't a hallucination..di po ko nakadrugs! hindi kita makalimutan..kaya ang ginagawa ko na lang ay intindihin at tanggapin yung nangyari..kahit gaano kahirap at kasakit. Alam mong mahal na mahal kita. At alam ko ring hindi mo gustong sayangin yung pagmamahal kong yun..mali lang talaga ang panahon. Siguro bukas,makalawa..matauhan ka o kaya makalimot ako ng bigla..bahala na lang..Masakit lang talaga yung nangyari kasi ikaw lang ang hinayaan kong lumapit sakin ng ganun. Ikaw lang yung hinayaan kong mahulog sakin ng ganun. Alam kong nakukulitan ka na rin sa paulit-ulit kong pagtatan baduyong kung bakit mo ako iniwan..kung bakit ganito yung nangyari..hayy..putik ang baduy na..

peace kung may masktan..am i talking to myself?damn it.

Stories.Stories.Stories.

tuesday.weeh.haha.yan gumising ako ng medjo maaga dahil tumulong pa ako sa tindahan. haha. at biruin nyo namang naglakas ako ng loob na magpasama kay Ease na bumili ng kung ano.haha. after ng pagtulong ko kina mama nag-ayos na ako at dumeretso ng Adnu. well, natagalan ng ilang minuto ang paghihintay ko sa iba ko pang mga kateam dahil dapat ay maglalaro na kami nyan.
hmm,,
inalok ako ni Ease maglunch sa labas kasama yung friend nya. hindi ko naman akalain na may kasama sya.hehe wala na rin naman akong masabi pero auz lang.haha

well..nag enjoy naman akong ksama clang magbestfriend.ndjo umurong nga lang ng konti yung dila ko..and i even caught myself thinking "Cat got your tongue my dear..."

haha..haynku..


pero the best yung experience sa ADMU..hehe..

parang nagbakasyon lang kami doon..

haha..laro..kain..tulog..makipagmeet with Admu players..laro.kain.tulog.lakwatsa.movie watch.kain.kain..mangkirs..joke.wahaha..

ang saya..nakauasp pa namin yung nagsponsor ng game..
at isa pala syang alumnus ng Ateneo de Naga..o diba?

hay,sayang kasi di kami nakalabas nung gabi with the Blue paddlers. Nang laok pa naman yung isang cute dun named John.weeh..eh kaso wala silang maisip puntahan and medjo 11pm na rin yun at ang curfew sa dorm ai 12..sana lang na extend eh..

ang saya kasma ng mga Blue paddlers kasi kahit halatang-halata na mga rich kids sila eh sobrang down to erath na mga tao pa rin sila. parang yung tipong akala mo eh matagal na namin silang nakilala.bait.sobra.

bitin yung manila trip.di bale na, kasi it's either pupunta sila dito sa December or pupunta ulit kami sa kanila pag February..hehe..

hay,,yung ADMU..
hindi sya masyadong malaki!
Simula Blue Eagle Gym hanggang Dorm na tinuluyan namin ay kasing layo lang namn ng Adnu to Naga-Canaman Boundary..tsk.tsk.kaloka!

well equipped din yung table tennis room nila..lupet ng shower rooms. ang daming tables..and ang linis..sagad..haha..kainggit..ang layo ng sa Adnu..weeeh..

hayy..

anyway..

yung pauwi na kaming naga..nagtext sakin yung kumuha sa kin sa pageant or should I say my talent scout..haha..yan kukunin nya daw ako for Bigg's TV commercial and monday na yung shooting..sana lnag inalam nya yung opinion ko di ba? ang galing kasi naipaalam nya na ako kina papa.and they agreed,wala ng magagawa.bukas na yun..ahmp.
ang prob nga lang eh yun damit na susuutin.hehe..well..buti na lang nandito si Aira..hehe..nu ba yan..puros hiram mga damit ko..haha..

kabaklaan and more

Girl Facts

.

when a girl is mean to you after a break-up

she wants you back but she is too

scared she'll get hurt and knows

you're gone forever!

.

when you catch a girl glancing at you,

she wants you to look back

and smile

.

When a girl bumps into your arm,

while walking with you

she wants

you to hold her hand

.

When she wants a hug

she will just stand there

.

When u break a girls heart

she still feels it when

you run into each other 3 years later

.

When a girl is quiet,

millions of things are running through her

mind..

.

When a girl is not arguing,

she is thinking deeply,,

.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of

questions,

she is wondering how long you will be

around

.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a

few seconds,

SHE IS NOT FINE AT ALL

.

When a girl stares at you,

she is wondering why you are playing games

.

When a girl lays her head on your chest,

she is wishing for you to be hers forever

.

When a girl says she can't live

without you,

she has made up her mind that you are

her future

.

When a girl says, "I miss you,"

no one in this world can miss you more

than that

>>lintian..i can't move on because I don't want to.crap naman..i miss him sooo much..

Quite sensible and senseless at the same time

I'm beginning to think that I'm doing more non sense stuffs than those that are sensible.
I'm typing anything that comes out of my little brain and my teacher calls it free writing. So, what the heck if this is called free writing?

I don't want to talk anything that would cause me depression but I just can't help it.

Final examination is approaching and I'm having a damn feeling that I wouldn't really be able to make to the Dean's List. Heck. Ambitious bitch! Speaking of academic stuffs I remember we have some final project to work on. Even if we started it I still find it senseless. Forgive me group mates. I just don't think we'll be able to come up with an awesome presentation as what all of us wanted it to be.

I want to drink bottles of vodka! Freak. Am I that easily addicted with that alcoholic drink or is just because I'm experiencing some burn outs. Well, one of my team mates invited me to join their gig tomorrow and of course there would be buckets of beers that would be pouring. I'm tempted to say yes. Oops, I already said yes. Still, I'm not sure if I really want to go with them. Again, I'm talking alot of non sense in here. First thing I want to be drown with alcohol and the next second I don't even want to smell its aroma. Weeh.

It was a very long day for me.
Sociology's not much of a problem because my teacher is unaware that she's just repeating the things she has tackled weeks ago. Physical Science , I don't know if the lesson is easy or it's just that I already have an idea about the things my prof is talking. He makes me feel hungry. Good thing he dismissed us early. My SRA period is not much a disaster only that I am obliged to 180 pesos for my new book. I'm now in level 3b and 5 colors to go and I'm done. The fastest reader from the level 2c, as my teacher told me. NSTP bothered me alot. Our facilitator, Maam Judd, told a story about Maria, Pedro, and Juan. And this is how the story goes:

Pedro is one of the greatest boatmen in his village, which is the village 1. Maria is the typical Filipina of another village, Village 2. And in that same village lives another great boatman, Juan, he is popular no just because of his ability but because he is a lustful person and has so many cases of sexual harassment in their village. Village 1 and village 2 is separated by a river where many crocs dwell. Many unskilled boatmen died in their journey to each village but not Pedro and Juan. Maria and Pedro are lovers in that story. Pedro fell in love with Maria because she is chaste and pure. Since they are going steady for 2 years they decided to get married and they made a vow that until the day of their wedding Maria will remain a virgin. Unfortunately Pedro got sick and the only medicine available is from Maria's lolo or lola (am not sure). The catch is, all the skilled boatsmen journeyed already and the only one left was Juan. Maria ask Juan if he can bring her to Pedro at the Village 1 in exchange to any big amount of money. Right there, Juan told Maria that he'll do what she ask not for money but in exchange of a one-night stand. Of course, Maria did not agree so she thought of another alternative. But she was left with no other solutions and so she agreed with one. So, Maria brought the medicine to Pedro and he was cured. Few days before their wedding Maria told Pedro what really had happened. That because of her love for him she gave up her virginity to Juan. just to save his life. What Pedro did? He turn his back to Maria and there is no wedding that took place.

Crap, isn't it? That how life really goes.

Our sacrifices are sometimes not taken credits. Instead of a reciprocated feelings, we expect, the negative thing happens. We give love but earn abandonment .
We try to understand their situation but did they understand ours? We try to fix things but do they want these things to be fixed?
If love is the only solution then why are there people who are softly taking their own lives?
If love makes the world go round then why do many of us see things in a box?

I counted the stars above and ended up looking at a single source of light

My stomach is aching and so with my head. This might be the effect of the Absolute peach flavored vodka and a more than half a glass Red Horse beer I recently drank. When I first drank the vodka there was a burning sensation from my throat down to my chest and finally may stomach. I never thought I would be drinking liquors that night but it already happened and with no regrets.

Yesterday morning I was begging my dad to allow me to go to Iriga with my teammates and spend a night with them. At first my dad was so reluctant to allow me but because he trust and love me so much I was able to get his consent and so with my mom. Thus, the adventure began.


The original plan of our team was to have some tune-up game first with USSANT. But because of some human intervention,unluckily we did not had the chance to play. So, we're all stuck at Ate Pixxies' house and left with no other choice but watch TV and chat around.


Darkness fell, though we had our snack at some cozy restaurant named MCM we still feel hungry. And because of Ate Pixxies' generous family we were able to get not just a decent supper but also a superb one.


Right there and then, after our diad routine we all chose to start the real jammimg time. We played billiards and some brain cracking riddles/puzzles. It was funny that we're all eager to answer each riddles/puzzles. At first only few got the anwser to the puzzling game but with continuous efforts almost all of us knew the secret answers. Haha. I was also able to play Sungka with some of my teammates and beat them. Hehe.

That was also the time when the beers were opened. Hindi lasingan ang laban kundi tagay-tagay lang. They offered me to drink but I refused knowing the smell of the Red Horse, it would triggered my body to vomit my internal organs. Yet after the beer, the vodka was opened. I sniffed at the bottle and I savoured the sweet aroma of the vodka. By the point, I was waiting for any of my teammates to give me a shot. Hehe. My wished was then fulfilled. Kuya Bert refilled the shot glass of vodka and offered it to me. Kunwari ayaw ko. Nanatatakot kasi ako sa epekto. But after some more persuasion coming from the crowd and their reassurance that it won't cause any nasty aches, the contents of that shot glass entered my being.
Then, of course the iced tea chasers. Geez, the taste was bitter but sweet and the heat of the vodka is very soothing to the throat. Then that was my first real drink. Hindi man lang dumaan ng San Mig Light,haha. Hard kaagad. Hindi na lang nila namalayan nakailang shots na ako. I don't feel drunk but tipsy. I'm still in my right mind. To conclude what I'd drunk I was able to taste the beer. I really don't like it. I would rather have the vodka alone. Weeh. What a drink!!



So, hindi naman pala talaga masama ang pag-inom. In the first place nasa tao lang naman yan kung anung gagawin nya na after taking the risk of drinking. But in my case I'm very blessed to have my team around. Lucky enough to taste an Absolute peach flavored vodka. Well, hindi ko naman sinabibg uulitin ko yun. Na experienced ko na and the curiosity was then satisfied. Wala nangyaring masama o kung ano pa man. That was now over. At magiging parte na yun ng college experiences ko.

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At gaya nun, ang kahibangan ko kay Mikel ay gusto ko na ring tapusin. Nandoon pa rin naman yung pagmamahal pero may respetoi ako sa sarili ko. At tulad ng sabi ng lahat ng kaibigan ko, hindi nay yun gagawin kung maha nya talaga ako. Hindi nya pinanindigan yung pinaghirapan nya. Hindi ko na rin naman kasalanan kung bukas makalawa tumanggi akong makipag-ayos sa kanya. Gusto ko muna ng katahimikan at wal akong pakialam kung gusto na ng lahat na kuasapin ko sya. Darating din kami dyan pero hindi pa ngayon. Ngunit, kung dumating yung panahon na may pagmamahal pa rin sa puso ko at na ilagay nya na saayos ang lahat ng problem nya baka maayos pa namin ang lahat. Pero kung wala na. Hindi ko na rin ipipilit dahil ilang beses ko na rin ibinaba ang pagkatao ko.Haha ang drama. Basta. Makakalimutan ko na lang sya. Sa ganda ko ba namang to,tiyak na maraming naghahabol.

But to clear things... Hindi naman loathing yung nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Disappointment lang.haha. Malay ko ba kung anung rason nya at iniwan nya ako.

It ended so fast.

Revelation 101

I was left shocked and flabbergasted when he told me, "..yan malaya ka na..yan naman gusto mo di ba?" He's so much aware that it was not and never was my intention the day we get so much attach with each other; yet it was the arguement he keeps on insisting. He further told me that he's now in a state of confusion whether to choose his ex-girlfriend 'again' or to continue what we've started. I thought he woukd give me that wide grin he always wear when he tricks me but today is a different day. He playfully announced to me that to avoid the fuss he is experiencing he will not anymore choose between us. What in the hell would you want my reaction would be? A knowing smile? An utterance of disgust? A shout of loathing? Stop there. I gave him a torturing look and a deafening, though quick, silence. I gave him a taste of inferno that moment. Well, I did not wasted any drop of tears for him. I don't know why, I just don't feel crying over a SPOILLED milk. That's it.

Revelation102

I haven't got enough sleep last night i only caught a two-hour sleep. The rest of the time, I was lying, widely awake, my mind's on different thoughts. Then with an almost unpredictable transition I remembered my grade in Physical Sciences an untakable 79 and that has an equivalent letter grade of C. Compared to my other blockmates, except those three geniueses I consider (Naxcz,Shen,andJhaz), it was an 'okay' grade. But then I remember, heck young lady..your a scholar.. Ateneo's Scholar! I can't afford to have a grade lower than 80 because that would make my scholarship forfeited. Just imagine that crap I'm unconsciously experiencing. Maybe, I would not enroll for the next semester. Or maybe I would because they still have that extension for you to enjoy the scholarship grant. Isang malaking gulo pag nagkataon. Damn hell.

Revelation103
This third revelation would be something different. It's a sort of a good news. Meron pa pala 'nun sa buhay ko. My tito is really determined to give me some amount to buy a computer, whether a laptop or desktop, I'm not yet decided. I've just received the message earlier.

"ang sabi ko ang kailangan mo ng
1.connection sa land line+ monthly fee
2.printer unit
3. connection sa Broadband+monthly fee.

pag nabigayan mo ako ng stimated cost ng 1,2and 3, mag aayos na tayong plano.malapit na b-day mo next mo. na

bigyan mo ako ASAP ng detalye ok.

we love u all"

so, will someone tell me what are the costs of those things mentioned above?

I love the look in your eyes;I always see my name.

My thoughts are all about him and him and him and him.

I want to call him mine though his not officially my boyfriend.

He calls me his princess and often regarded himself as my slave.

While lying at my lap, he once told me, "Oo baga..aso mo lang ako, alipin mo...ano pa nga ba?" Then I gave him a torturing look and said, "Bakit? Nagrereklamo ka?" With his loving smile he took my hand and apologized sweetly, "Hindi naman po, gusto ko naman talaga 'tong ginagawa ko. Prinsesa baga kita."

He means everything to me.
He gives me more kisses than heartaches.
He chooses to be drown from my breath than to be drown from liquors.
He stays beside me and at the same time takes me to a place of colorful butterflies, fluttering birds and enchanted trees.
He loves it when I'm jealous of someone.
He bites my ears when he wants to hug me.
He respects all the things about me.
He keeps on telling me he loves me.
He makes my blockmates think that he's madly in love with me. And yes he is.
He likes it when I'm eating more than what he eats.
He stammers everytime I make him feel I'm staring at him.
He says "thank you" whenever I look into his eyes and say "I love you"
He means I love you when he's telling me he's gonna leave me.
He tells me he will look for someone better than but can't find one.
He smiles at me when we accidentally and intentionally taking a glance at each other.
He makes me feel LOVE.

parang ayaw nya aqng katabi..hehe.

Weeh. Head over heels pa rin ako. Wag ng kumontra. Hehe. Wala lang, kung bakit ba naman kasi masyadong masaya sa tuwing ang isang tao'y umiibig. Haha. Makulay ang buhay.

Sya nga pala,bakit kaya hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako nagpapass ng reaction paper sa NSTP?haha..ang tagal na nun..

Tuesday na naman bukas may pasok na naman. Hay naku. Ayos lang.haha..

Darn.

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Boy, don't you know you can't escape me.
Ooh darling 'coz you'll always be my baby.

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Sunday morning rain is falling

Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

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at bakit ang tagal ng byahe from Daet to Naga..ang tagal dumating ni Beloved ko..