Kelan ulit?

Kelan mo kaya ulit sasabihing, “mea na sca” sa tuwing sasabihin kong “matulog na tayo”?

Kelan mo kaya ulit itatanong kung delayed ba ang mga messages?

Kelan mo kaya ulit itatanong kung, “bakit now ka lang nagtext?”

Kelan mo kaya ulit sasabihing, “ I wna c u 2nyt”?

Kelan mo kaya ulit ipagpapaalam sakin kung saan ka pupunta?


Kelan ka kaya ulit maiinis dahil nakalimutan kong itext na maglalaro na ko?

Kelan ka kaya ulit magagalit dahil paulit-ulit akong tumatanggi sa tuwing nang aalok kang lumabas?

Kelan ka kaya ulit mag-iinsist pumunta samin kahit pwede ka naman kumain sa ibang lugar?

Kelan ka kaya ulit magiging sensitive sa nararamdaman ko sayo?

Kelan ka kaya ulit magseselos sa tuwing may kasama akong iba?

hahaha..at marami pang kelan..nakakamiss nga lang siguro..boys will always be boys. it's a fact that i must accept.haha..they have unpredictable change of moods that will surely make girls like me go mad..hahaha..most especially because i'm not one of the girls..oh, this sucks..

I miss him.hahaha.and he doesn't even bother to send me any message.hahaha..naku.naku.

samantalang noong una, pag ako hindi nagttext..tinatanong agad ang dahilan..hay buhay.

o kay hirap mo namang i-comprehend mahal ko.

nakakatuwa kasi, isang text mo lang, makakalimutan ko agad lahat ng mga pinagsasabi ko dito.hay.

the bad thing is, i feel like you're taking me for granted. oh dear, make me change this belief please.


on the other hand, baka naman i'm over reacting. maybe, you really have lots of stuff to do..BUT as the cliche goes, "if there's a will, there's a way."

ARE YOU LOOSING YOUR WILL?

Hell scared!

-Unfinished Words-

• My heart seeks your heart amidst the crowd of lilies.

• I lost my track. You found it. Are you leading me out of this labyrinth? Or are you leaving me deeper to its center?
  

• I'm tired of playing games. Fooling myself to be reciprocated by the love I gave is baloney! They took a piece of me that's irreparable.

• Time's fleeting. It left me a trail and it's slowly fading.

• Doubt haunts me. An alarming ghost I cannot escape. Shed me some light or make this darkness our sanctuary.

• Your harmonic voice engulfs my soul.

Self-update

Eto, ako pa rin ang babaeng baliw.

isang matapang na paglalahad kung sino at ano na ko ngayon.

>random<

-third year na sa kursong AB-Communication
-hilig ko pa rin ang sumulat at magbasa, from Bible to FHM(na matatagpuan ko lang sa mga parlors.haha) extremes..
-liniligawan ng ilang ka-department na maging presidente nila,oh noes!isa malaking responsibility yan..haha..baka di ko kaya..haha
-devoted table tennis player, team captain (di naman kelangan talaga ng label,sus)
-uunahin ang paglalaro kesa sa pag-aaral.hahaha
-DL,DL,DL,PL(tsamba lang yata 'to)
-iskolar pa rin ng mga kamag-anak ni fr.dolan
-isang bote ng gilbey's premium strength lang ang kaya kong inumin..lagpas dyan.gagapang na ko pauwi
-18 years ng wala pa ring boyfriend, seryoso.
-18 years ng hindi pa nakaranas ng bulaklak galing sa kung sinong kaangkan ni Adan..haha
-ilang beses nang nagmahal at nasakatan
-pangarap ko pa rin ang makapagpaaral ng kung sinong mapalad na bata dyan
-hindi ko alam kung gusto kong magturo sa ateneo pagkagraduate,pumuntang singapore para mag-aral,bumyahe ng australia papunta ki tita at dun maghanap ng trabaho,maging manunulat ng kung anong article o libro,maging isang researcher para makagawa ng sarili kong teorya sa communication,maging magaling na photographer o film maker, o di kaya'y mag-artista..hahaha..ano nga ba?
-yellow pa rin favorite color ko
-hinahanap ko pa rin ang sarili kong diyos(walang pakialamanan dito!)
-mahal na mahal ko pa rin sina mama,papa at shen.haha
-hindi ko pa rin ipagpapalit ang science high sa ateneo..ibang iba.malayong malayo..
-naka move on na ko kay six years!wohoo!(i-congrats nindo ko friends!haha,sa wakas)
-environmentalist pa rin ako.diwata ng kalikasan..haha
-makabayan pa rin hanggang ngayon
-maganda pa rin ako,tulad ng dati..hahaa..(kapal!)
-naniniwala pa rin ako na marami pa kong dapat matutunan sa buhay...
-si dick gordon nga pala binoto ko ng nakaraang halalan
-naging maingat na ko sa pagtitiwala sa mga tao,lalong lalo na sa mga lalaki..hahaha
-frustration ko pa rin ang pagkanta..hahaha
-turn off pa rin ang mga lalaking nag-aatempt manligaw gamit ang modernong paraan..hindi kagad ang sagot sa kanila.gwapo man o matalino.mayaman man o maabilidad.wala akong paki.hahaha
-may sapatos akong bilhin...hahaha..pinag-iipunan. :)
-first love ko ang table tennis.walang makakapalit sa pers lab kong yan.
-hindi po ako pusong lalaki.alam ko lang kung anong klase ng babae ang pwede mong tawaging "CHIX" "PRETTY" "MAGANDA" iba-iba yan para sakin
-badtrip pa rin ako sa ipis.tsk..pinaka marumi silang creature ever!
-medyo may konting alam na ko sa paglangoy
-nagmature ako ngayong mga nakaraang buwan
-hindi pa rin kasama sa vocabulary ko ang havaianas,ipanema o crocs..(mahal,hindi praktikal at sunod sa uso--big NO!
-paminsan-minsan ay nasasagot ko pa rin ang mga magulang ko..(sorry na..)
-mahalaga sakin ang respeto..respeto sa sarili at respeto sa kapwa
-pantay-pantay pa rin ang tingin ko sa babae at lalaki.
-Sidney Sheldon loyalist pa rin ako
-Harry Potter fan
-matakaw at mahilig pa rin ako sa chocolate,ice cream at cake..hahaha
-parte pa rin ako ng asiawise..masaya akong nagtututor dun minsan. :)
-mukha akong mataray pero mabait ako.sobra!
-mukha akong matapang pero duwag din naman ako
-mukha akong malakas pero mahina rin ako
-medyo adik na ko sa facebook..haha
-natitipalok ako pag naka flat shoes..pero pag nakaheels ay hindi..ahha..as in never pa..haha
-madaldal nga pala ako...hahhaa

woosh..ano pa ba?
hay.saka na yung ibang bagay...as usual,wala akong makausap sa oras na to..haha

Sincerity

months or weeks from now things might change. we might become closer or we might even drift apart. we might meet other people who'll give us happier feelings than what we can give to each other. we might mess up and hate each other; or cuddle and fall in love everyday. day by day things will always be different and we can't fully anticipate what's going to happen next.

you have a life to live, dreams to fulfill, and love to search for. i too, have my own. you have a different experience of life and love; i also have a different story to share. we have different principles and beliefs in life. we are both beings purely different to one another but that doesn't mean that our worlds need to part ways. i can always find a way to make my world collide to your world and i hope that you too can find one.

i'm cherishing whatever friendship we have, though i'm not sure if we really are friends.hahaha..

thank you for crossing my path. thank you for trying to be yourself with me. thank you for all the emotions i have been experiencing since the day i met you. thank you for being one of the reasons why i continue living a life of hopes and dreams.

and if tomorrow will be the end of this great bond, i will not regret the times you made me happy. in spite of somethings i've heard that i will be just one of those girls who passed your way, i don't care and i won't mind. i see a good heart in you and that's what i'm going to hold on to.

---makesong makeso.hahaha.tsk.ang swerte mo.haha.good night! :)



----O diba?makeso tlga..haha..at he's damn lucky.hahaha

Shoo, Jealousy, Shoo!

Masakit, leche!

Bakit hindi na lang kaya kayong dalawa na lang ulit?

You'll make a good big brother to her sisters. They look comfortable with you. They like you. Actually, they love you.

So why can't you just pull yourself together, be a man and make her your girl again. And spare me with this nasty feelings.


Oh, I forgot. I love you.

Mind Twist

I thought it would be the end of our story.

I ended it, anyway. No big deal, I guess.

Are you just being discreet with my friends?

I don't want to be hopeful. It might hurt me.

Did you do all those things just to show them that you're a nice person?

I don't want to be wishful. It might break me.



For some reasons, I know how you feel.

bothered
annoyed
scared
skeptical
unsure


waaah..nakakaloka ka..

you stared at me.
you offered us some bread.
you wiped the choco drink off my lips.
you called my name.
you smiled at me.


waaah..

tama na...baka maniwala talaga ulit ako.. :((

Wapak!

"Wer friends ryt?"

Ika ang friends!

Like, who would want to hear this question from a lover's mouth?

I'm pissed off.Shit.

Fine, masakit!hahaha..hanep sa hapot..

narinig ko na yan eh, tapos alam ko na rin ang sunod nyan..hahaha..

Remember, you told me you don't want to be my friend? Gusto mo ipaalala ko pa sa'yo yun ng bonggang bongga!duh!

Sabi kayang barkada na lang..eh di sana dae na naman ko nakukulgan..leche..

Pagsinabihan ngani kamong guys magtubod!

Friends..friends..dakol na ko kyan..hahaha

Subanggi sana, sweet-sweetan ka dyan..Nanunuyo ka pa ngani, tapos ngunian mahapot ka kung friends kita!

Eeeee.nasusuya ako. Ata ugmahon ako, not because of that curfew but because I have you around. Tapos arog ka ni?

Friends palan?So, pwede na kong maghanap nin bako namang iffriend ko?hahaha..leche kasi..

Naduduwag ka ba?

Kala mo naman kasi di ako natatakot.

Kahit kelan talaga, pare-pareho liko ng bituka ng mga lalaki.tsss

*pissed off mode*

17

Aw. I miss him.

Parang araw-araw, lalo akong nakakakita ng dahilan para hangaan siya.

Shet. Filipino mode ulit.

Kaso, may mga oras na parang pakiramdam ko balewala lang ako sa kanya. May mga oras na parang natatakot siya sa kung ano mang nararamdaman ko.

Busy siya. Pero okay lang basta alam kong may lugar ako sa puso niya. Maiintindihan ko 'yun.

Leche.Ikaw kaya 'yung manliligaw!Bakit parang patay na patay ako sa'yo?

Magulo utak ko dahil natatakot na naman ako.

Natatakot akong sumuko siya bigla.
Natatakot akong hindi pala ako 'yung hinahanap niya.
Natatakot akong mawala siya sakin.
Natatakot akong pagtapos na naman ng ilang linggo eh magpapaalam na siya ng tuluyan.
Natatakot akong bumalik kami sa pagiging acquaintances lng ng isa't isa.

Natatakot ako kasi...leche.mahal ko na siya.


*Lord,
Salamat po at mag-iisang buwan nyo na ring pinahiram sakin 'tong lalaking 'to. Ikaw lang po nakakaalam kung ano tunay naming nararamdaman. Sana po, siya na. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko 'to nasabi,pero sana lang naman po. Kung hindi man po siya para sa akin, please po patagalin mo pa po ng konti. Ayos lang kung masaktan ulit ako pagkatapos sige na po. Salamat po.

Unstable as Gas Molecules

You can put it that way, but heck, you really caught me off guard. That wasn't the right time, as there's no right time. I gave it a bit of thinking and a pinch of feeling. You made me happy. Still, I doubt. I doubt myself and I have doubts on you.Yes, you're fun to be with. The envying eyes of those girls who stared at you while you sang makes me feel proud that I have you around. I don't know. I have doubts; and I always have. It takes time to know me and it will take more time to understand me. It might tire you off waiting for someone who's as vague as me. I don't know. I have my doubts.



Arduous state
Malady of soul
Grain spirits pour
Crystal drops flow

Murky stand
Woe of heart
Smoke floats
Glistening drops flow

Erroneous act
Ambivalence of mind
Blaze smears
Sparkling drops flow

Unbearable
Inevitable
Ceaseless
Ardent

If it's LOVE then it must be GOOD.

Remorse never scratched my system.

I love you and it won't make any sense if I say I don't.

I'm hurt. What else will you expect me to feel?

Oh well, HURT, was an understatement.

But would you believe that I'm happy for you?

That made some fucking difference. I'm happy when you're happy.

So what about my ever static affection?

I'll get some doctor to help me out this shit.

As I always say, "I'll be just fine...pretending I'm not"haha

I'll be better soon.

*sigh

It has been an illusion.

You must have told me earlier.

I will accept it really, like, do I have any other choice?

Bitterness? Hard feelings? Of course!

Tao rin ako, dude!

But I'll still be your friend. Just give me some time.

How life played tricks on me.


So, I guess, this will be the end of my illusion.

Eto na 'yung most awaited moment mo... "move on and get a life, youll die waiting for that freaking guy."

Thank you. :)

If the love left a scar..

haha..waley na naman ang beauty ko..haha..WALEY as in LOST, as in SUPALPAL, as in WAPAK, as in NA DEDZ..haha...

assuming kasi..di naman pala ako..haha..yan..yan..

kaya lang siguro mabait sakin yung tao kasi masayang masaya siya dahil in lababo siya..
nagkataong ako yung may something sa kanya pero wala siyang something sakin.kaya ganyan..haha..
ang kapal.kapal ko kasi..yan tuloy..haha..si pers lab pala tinutukoy niya..haiisst..wrong..

super duper mega ouch..haha..but what else can i do? eh ang una at huli kong kondisyon para bitawan ang pag-ibig ko sa isang tao eh...OTHER LOVE.haha..walang panama roon..naiintindihan ko naman siya..nagmahal lang din naman siya..pareho lang kami..kaso, di nga lang WITH EACH OTHER. siya ay sa WITH ANOTHER.hehe..

i'll be fine soon..hay..kaya ko 'to! :D

Minsan...

minsan pinangarap ko rin na habang pagod na pagod ako galing sa game ay may magbibigay sakin ng ONE BIG HUG.
minsan gusto ko rin namang makatanggap ng bulaklak out of the blue galing sayo.
minsan masayang mabigla dahil nakayakap ka sakin habang nakatalikod ako.
minsan nakakatuwang mainis dahil dalawang araw mo akong hindi pinapansin yun pala may surprise ka palang ibibigay.
minsan iniisip ko rin na sana iniisip mo rin ako.
minsan masarap sa pakiramdam na habang nahihirapan ka sa school work ay biglang tutunog ang telepono ko dahil nag text ka.
minsan kahit isang missed call nga lang kumpleto na araw ko, basta galing sayo.
minsan subukan mo namang magselos at ipakito yun sakin..nakakataba rin kasi ng puso.

Pero siguro mas nakakabuhay ng puso eh kung sa gitna ng pagkakape natin, ibubulong mo sakin ang mga katagang ayaw na ayaw mong sambitin. :D


spell ASA!hahhaa.. :))

Naku naman.

Pag-ibig naman, bakit ka ba ganyan?
Iyong ipinakita'y iba sa mga binigkas.
Puso ko tuloy' walang mapaglagyan.
Sisidlan nito'y pait; hapdi ang ibinalangkas.

Diwa ko'y lito sa iyong kilos,
Salita mo'y iyong panangga.
Wari ba akong inosenteng musmos,
na kahit matigas na pader ay binabangga?

Pag-ibig naman, 'wag kang ganyan,
Sabihing matapat iyong nararamdaman.
Ito'y di hambambuhay na hintayan.
'Wag mangamba; ako'y iyo naman.

Sabog.

Crush ko si ___!lol..

What the heck? Imbes na nag-rereview ay heto ako't nagbblog ng tungkol sa crush ko.
HINDI siya si ONE and ONLY. Basta.

Natutuwa lang ako pagnakikita ko siya. Kahit nga maalala lang eh natutuwa ako. Haha.
Hindi ko naman aklaing crush ko na pala siya. Haha. Basta ang saya. hahaha.

Hindi ko sasabihin kung sino siya. Haha.

shet.anu ba yan..crush.crush.. :D

Mensaheng Hibang

Eleanor Haig January 7 at 1:22am

I can't utter the right words. Dae ko aram pero yan subago garo there's a need for me to tell you what i feel. Pero aram ko man na aram mo..hehe..kaya naghesitate ako tska baka man pati iba ang reaction mo. which is, expected man.haha.. winiweigh ko si mga bagay-bagay ta baka may maraot kitang pag-ibahan. medyo haloy ko naman nin inisip.haha..baka sakaling namimis interpret ko lang ang sadiri ko. kaya lang matagas ang payo ko. uni, im taking the risk. haha.. okay,here it goes..i love you. haha..wooh. dae mo man kaipuhan ibalik si same feeling..uruutro na ko kayan..haha..pero kung ugwa, eh di maugma..kung mayo, okay lang..actually dae..pero.okay lang..hehe...
kaipuhan ko lang talaga ning masabi saimo. hoping na matauhan ka.joke..hehe..dae. basta,para at least man aram mo.kung dae pa..haha..
no other intentions man palan ni.i just want to love you.yan lang..hehe..sabi mo ngani..im too young to rush things..haha..bsta..
dae ko na kaya kayang itago lang ni..love's meant to be expressed.haha..kaya yan..ay basta..masyadong risky ni, ta kadakulon consequences ang kaibahan kani..pero yan..bahala na..haha..dgdi na lang..ingat. :)


*ahm,alright.masyadong praning..haha..ay ewan..bsta yan..para tapos na.ahha..okay na yan..

Worries

Oh, this is quite bothering. My mentor-friend, Kuya Sharky, told me to stop worrying about my submitted story. He said it's part of the process and I just need to get back to it after two days. Well, that is sort of a reasonable break but why am I fretting this way?

I'm having this bad feeling that my story won't satisfy my professor. He's the one who'll approve or reject my work. It's hard to please him with an expert's work, what more with a beginner's work like mine. It's just that I did put all my efforts to edit and revise my story so I am quite nervous about his criticisms. I know it will be a great help to me but I'm still afraid of what his up to say. I still got that trauma grade in his subject.

Hmm, maybe I'm just a bit paranoid over things that haven't occurred yet. I must relax first and get my mind off that story. Yeah, I must relax and stay calm. Calm. Calm. Calm.

***

My one and only seems to be treating me as his friend again. Well, yes, he really never treated me more than that. I'm just assuming.. ^.^ Anyway, I don't know if I can summon enough courage to express all my feelings for him. I mean all my feelings; from loving to even nearly hating him. I want to say all these things to him but I'm not yet prepared for the consequence. I'm not yet ready to take that fucking risk.

Forgive me if I'm a coward when it comes to him. It's just that, he's the most important guy ,next to dad, in my life. I can't afford to make faults or bad moves. Whew. Excuses.

This is hard to admit. Honestly, I'm not afraid of what he has to say. It's his friends which I'm worried more about. His closest buds are also my close friends but, well, those "friends" that surrounds him are the people that make me hesitant. They might react violently. They might say bad or even worst things about me. There will be eyebrows raised and I will not be comfortable with it.

The more I see them the more I become hesitant. I don't want this thing to become a hindrance to my love for him but this is reality. This is not a fairy tale that ends in a happily-ever-after so I must weigh things. I must see things beforehand so when they come I'm prepared.

But then, a second thought came. If I love him and only him, why consider these people? Why still consider all the negative implications. This is LOVE and not a RESEARCH PROJECT. I have to immerse myself to it. It must me subjective. It must not follow theories, laws and studies. It must travel its own road. It must come into life. It has to be expressed. :)

Love

The gradient scent of Christmas filled the air as we walk around the downtown. I was wearing a red floral dress and he was in his white polo shirt and pants. We were like a living Christmas decor at this sight but we did not care.When he fetched me from home we were ridiculously laughing at each other. But it's not important. I was with him. He was with me. That matters most.

We decided to take our dinner in a cozy restaurant near the city park. The food was great. We had some small conversations in between our meals. He even cracked a joke and I laughed so hard that he tried to cover my mouth because an old couple was already glaring at us. I gave in and started to calm myself as I lovingly pinched his arm. He always makes me outburst of laughter whenever I'm with him.

It was now the time to go to church and hear the Yuletide mass. He payed our bill and gave the waiter a cheerful greeting of "Merry Christmas". He held me near him as we walked passed the crowded streets. We were walking with our hands clasped as we approached the majestic church. It was ornamented magically. The lanterns that welcomed the church-goers were brightly lit. It was a breath taking night. I closed my eyes to feel the season; I wanted to remember every detail of this night. I kissed him lightly on his cheek when I opened my eyes. He was caught off-guard then simply gave me a wide grin in response. We felt the Christmas breeze on our faces and heard the leaves rustled peacefully. We entered the church and listened intently to the mass.

We haven't left the church even after the mass. I needed a few moments more of silence with him in front of our Creator. I knelt and prayed hard to Him to give us many more Christmas together. If forever's impossible, a lifetime will be good enough. I noticed that he was staring at me with tears rolling down his handsome face. I wiped it and smiled at him. He knew what I prayed to God. He knew it will happen not for long. He wrapped his arms around me, so tight that I felt his warm body engulfing every nerve of my body. I hugged him, too. I ran my fingers through his velvet hair, looked him deep in the eyes, touched them, and finally caressed his nose and lips. I will never forget his face.

This is my last memory of him. I passed away a night after this. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor a year ago. It went from worse to worst. That day was miraculously the most normal day of my life since I was diagnosed with this tumor. I have no regrets. I love him and I will always do. Two years had already passed and though he hasn't found another girl I always wish him to find one. I even bugged Him to give my beloved someone who will take away the pain. I was surprised when He told me that he had already tried to give him one but he refused to accept it. Our Creator said, "He will love you up to his last breath. He swore this to me the very minute you told him your condition."

Hope. Love. Christmas.

After all the talked about controversies in our country, Christmas is still a season everyone looks forward to. The grave act of human slaughtering never failed to anger all of us. The undeclared mansions of some infamous government official caught the eyes of the mass. The storms that left the country miserably glimpsing at the sight of Apocalypse had damaged and somehow enlightened the nation that a much stronger force does exist. The threatening Mt. Mayon alarmed hundreds and even thousands of indigenous people. Nevertheless, Christmas has passed its path. It has saddened the few but it has become the hope of the many. And as of course, a general but forgotten knowledge, the birth of our Savior served as the hope of the millions.

As I scribble this, a realization hits me. There are times when you want to give everything you have but people just don't get contented with it. Just when you're passionately spreading your love, it seems to be just not enough. No matter how willing you urge to give, sometimes it's not just enough. So, then you will ask, why still give hope and spread love?

He loves us without question. He extends his help through the people we meet. He gives us hope when all things just go tough and rough. But had he ever stopped? Had he ever given us up? But what do we give Him in return? Doubts? Threats? Burdens? Sins? And what do we do whenever the things He gives just seem not to fulfill us? He had never walked away. He had never let us go. So now, we ask ourselves, is there still a chance for us to help others? The answer must be plain and simple.

We help because we love. We love because we are also in need of affection and acceptance. We are in need of affection and acceptance because we are social beings. We are social beings because God has made us to be.

To the 'founders' and steering committee of Spread the Love Movement, I commend each of you. Thank you for sharing your gifts to our brothers and sisters in need. Thank you for giving me and my friends the chance to extend our love to them. Thank you for a meaningful Christmas. May this continue as another year unfolds. God bless us all!

Merry Christmas! :)