Pakibalik ho ng puso ko.

Nakaka-sad naman.

I miss you.
I just really do. :|

Hell. I wanna talk to you.
Tell so many stories to you.
Ask many questions.
Share many secrets.
Enjoy trivial moments with you.
Throw my arms around you.
Stare at you while you stare at me.

Or maybe just sit beside you.
Doing literally nothing.

Hay.

There's always a part of me that still misses you.

Ang tunay na lalaki, marunong maghintay.

Hindi ko alam.

Ewan. Siguro namamalikmata lang ako. Siguro grabe na talaga ang pag-iilusyon ko.

Pero tsong hindi! Nakita ko talaga ang mga mata mong nakangiti nang ika'y di sinasadyang mapatingin sa akin...o ako na sinasadyang tumingin sa'yo.

Kinilig ako. Parang gusto ko nang tumambling. Ngayon ko lang ulit nakita ang mga mata mong ngumiti. Ngayon na sabi nila'y mukhang matamlay at wala ka sa kondisyon. Ewan ko ba.

Binuo ng ngiti mo ang araw ko. Pero, ewan. Pinagdududahan ko pa rin ang nakita ko.
Baka nga talaga sobra na ang pagkahibang ko sa'yo. Shet. Oo, may gelplend ka. K-ness. Ewan ko sayo. Bahala kayo. Basta, basta masaya ko ng makita ang mga mata mong nakangiti sa akin. wasoy lang.

Haaaay. Kitam, gwapo ka talaga kapag ganun. Kanina'y gusto na kitang yakapin, pero syempre tulad ng dati, BAWAL.

Hay, Four-leaf Clover.

Why do you still make my heart skip a beat? ^______^

Thank you! I hope everything's all G with you.

October, please, don't be too soon.

You were sitting at the back row of the class. You were quiet, observing intently. I thought you were wondering why did you let yourself be stuck with a bunch of freshmen. You might be thinking that it's not cool to be with such kids. It was the first time I notice your existence.

You're a bit skinny but your face says you've been through a lot of troubles and fun. Drinking, smoking and things like those. I told myself you're a cool dude, only, there's something more about you. I can't remember talking to you that semester, I'm too shy to talk to you and well, too occupied with someone else. I just remember that every time you recite there's an air of seriousness in your voice. I grew a secret crush on you.

Months and years passed. We constantly bumped into each other. Finally, I got your name and started calling you "kuya". My crush on you vanished and I just wished to become one of your friends. It was really nice of you to greet me once in a while. We became facebook friends, we get along with many things and we became classmates every now and then. I heard you had your heart broken.

We talked. We started eating lunch together. I started opening myself up. You started sharing your dreams and fears and heart aches. I started trusting you more. I started admiring you. We were there, enjoying the company of each other, laughing our hearts out and comforting our broken wings. It became an enjoyable and exciting routine. For once, I had someone whom I can share my beliefs without the fear of being judged. For once, I had someone who yells the ugly truth at right timings. For once, I had someone whom I caught playing my sport in his phone. For once, I had someone who tries to be nice to me. For once, I had someone who made me felt treated specially. For once, I met someone who has the balls to bid me farewell, someone who never left me hanging without a word. I had my heart broken.

I thought it was the end of it.

But you missed me. I missed you.
We missed being with each other.

And so, even if the situation forbids, we carry on to....er, that i cannot call love.

K-ness. ayoko ng ituloy. pfft. k pows. namimiss kita. miss na miss.
letsugas, akalain mo,kahit papano e may tama pa rin pala ako sayo. hay buhay!

Mga Basurang Salita.

Provoking. Sexual. Insane. Morbid.

Dark.

Leering darkness. Caressing demon...

Hand me your heart and I'll tear it into pieces
Trust me with your soul and I'll deliver it to hell
Love me
Make love to me
Impress me with your wit
Enslave me with your senses
Deliver me to evil
Drive me
Lead me to eternal ecstasy
Love me
Make love to me
Hold me
Caress me
Show me your strength
Give me a reason to worship you
Read to me all humanity's mind and I'll listen to you in silent
Tell me
Coward as you go...
Stupid as you stay...
Follow me to my world, immortal.

My Ego is Big. I don't give a shhh.

Hay.
Totoo pa rin kaya na sa bawat pagbukas mo ng FB e kasabay nito ang pagbukas ng blog ko?

Makailang ulit kitang kinakalimutan ngunit heto't ikaw pa rin ang laman ng puso ko.
Oo, alam ko, hindi na ikaw ang taong dating nagpangiti sa mga mata ko, hindi na ikaw ang taong yumakap sakin nang mahigpit at hindi na rin ikaw ang taong tumawag sakin nang ika'y nalumbay. Marahil hindi pa rin sapat ang ginagawang paglimot dahil bakas pa sa mga mata ko ang pagsintang abot langit. Mahirap dahil ika'y nagbigay na ng puso sa iba habang ako heto pa rin at ikaw lamang ang gusto.

Makailang ulit ko bang kailangang kalimutan ka?

Ang mga ngiti mo sa Martes at Huwebes ng hapon ang tanging tala na nagbibigay liwanag sa mapanglaw kong panaginip. Ang boses mong madalang ko na lang marinig ang musikang saking mga tenga'y kumikiliti. Ngunit ang bawat paghawak ng kanyang kamay, ang bawat yakap, at bawat dampi ng iyong labi sa labi niya ay parang pana na tumatarak sa puso kong walang laban.

Giliw, tunay ba ang tuwang sakanya'y iyong nararamdaman?
Sa kanyang mga ngiti mo ba nasilayan ang sikat ng araw?
Siya ba ang tanging babaeng tatakbuhan mo sa mga mauulap na panahon?
Matitiis mo bang makipagpalitan lamang ng mga kuro-kuro sa kanya?
Alam ba niya kung bakit nagtagpo ang mga landas ninyo?
Parte ba siya ng mga pangarap at realidad mo?
o kabilang lamang siya sa mga bagay na may hangganan?


Wala na marahil akong mapapala sa pagbuhos ng tunay kong nararamdaman. Tuluyan na sigurong naglaho ang ikaw na minahal ko. Hindi na rin naman maibabalik ang dati nating pagsasama. Siguro ang tingin mo na lang sakin ay isang makulit na taga hanga na patuloy at paulit-ulit kang pipiliin. Wala ka nga sigurong kasalanan kumbakit hanggang ngayo'y mataas pa rin ang pagbibigay halaga ko sa'yo. Bahala na nga marahil ako.

-----------
Hindi ko binabawi,

...hindi ko pa nakikitang kumikislap ang mga mata mo sa tuwing kasama siya

er, and one thing more, kapag in a relationship na, talaga bang hindi na kelangang maging gwapo kasi wala ng papagwapuhan? er, contrary to that i think you should be glowing. you look stressed, dear.
TOOOOOO STRESSED and i'm not exaggerating.
you need a rest; you work too much.
don't be too hard on yourself, man!
you can die young if you want but not too young.
please, take care of your health.
wala akong pakialam kung mag-yosi jamming kayo ni gf mo,
basta, kahit papano alagaan mo ang sarili mo.

why do i care so much. fuck.

Just saying.

text tapos tumatawag na...hmm.bolder dear, bolder.
i'm starting to get curious. you really are into me, aren't you?
er, or am i just an assuming moron?
na, here's the truth,
i LIKED you.
you were fine and all.
cool and smart.
but judging by the small conversations we had,
things might not work with the two of us.
come on. you're tooooo nice. not that i was looking for another rude guy.
dunno. i have a change of mind and a change of heart.
i don't really think that this is the right time.
hay. malabo.
malayo ka saken. malayo ako sayo.
hindi pwedeng tawag at text lang.
mahirap bumuo ng pagkakaibigan sa ganyan.
hindi ko forte ang ganyan.
what more ang bumuo ng romantic relationship?
your decision hurt me but i'm now cool with it.
i've already given it a thought.
we're better off this way. kung sa isang taon magkaroon ng pagkakataon, why not?
pero sa ngayon, NO.

PARANO BAGA. ARAPAW.

GG.

galit na galit. hahaha!

To all those eukaryotic organisms
who never lift a finger for their group projects,
FUCK YOU very much!
Die, parasites, DIE!

Travails.

WARNING: You are about to read a neurotic blabbering of a lunatic goddess.

Nay. Nay be done.
Writing. Keeping everything at hand. Making things cool.
So cool...
Editing. Honestly, I'm starting over. Procrastinating, yes.
How should it be done? In God's time? Or in my will?
Whichever comes first...
Yeah. I like Mister-long-distance.
But you screwed up when you dumped me
because of distance
And yes, I'm still in love with my Four-leaf Clover. Hell yeah!
That sucks!
Somebody told me to stop being nice to you.
How could I? You used to be adorable.
USED TO BE...

------------

Of trash and shit and holly and molly and folly

Kindle your beating blunders and blues

Tell me all excruciating peas of sweetness

stained by surreal lustrous lies

Navigate in edgy furtive gallant manners

hungering insatiable jests of metals

I while knitting lingering mazes

of chimeras breathing unearthly fires

stumble through an infinite stillness

of trash and shit and holly and molly and folly

TOP TEN MYTHS about INTROVERTS.

At dahil pakiramdam ko isa akong INTROVERT...heto...nakita ko sa net..

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. (eto, feeling ko hindi 'to applicable saken)If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

(Source: carlkingcreative.com)

I still don't see the essence of adapting the AZKALS tagline, WE BELIEVE, to Ateneo Golden Knights. Come on! Besides the ADMU-rific "ONE BIG FIGHT", can't we come up with our own battle cry. Arg. People of God. THINK.

Nakikiusap kay Bathala.

When you have something to look forward to, what do you usually do?

Ako? Kadalasan, bigla na lang gusto kong mag-alay ng birhen sa mga dyos at dyosa sa gubat. Hahaha. No. Basta 'yung pakiramdam na mapapasigaw ka ng, "Putang ina! Gagawin ko lahat para diyan!" Yan e kung SUPER MEGA OVEr DREAM ang ilinu-look forward mo.

Ngayon, may FILM contest. Tulad ng mga nakaraan e grabeng excitement ang dulot nito saken. Pero hayan, wala pa naman akong nasasalihan ni isa. Takot masyado at kulang na kulang pa sa kaalaman. Hindi ko alam kung susubok akong sumali. GUSTO ko. GUSTONG-GUSTO. Hay. Sana maging maayos na ang pagsusulat ko ng script. Hay.

Sana.
Ewan.
Bahala na.

Momentarily.

I am flattered every time someone recognizes my Asian beauty and even more grateful for hearing it several times.

BUT

Please,

I am more than a pretty face.

I can plant a punch on your face and kick asses of whoever I want.

I am an ace table tennis player and I have been enduring and enjoying years of training.

I read books and write essays. I am fluent in Filipino and in English.

I pass my subjects. I do it with flying colors.

Come on!
I've got millions of atoms inside me.
My muscles function above the average
and my brain cells never stop doing their job.

Get over with the aesthetics part and see pass through me.


--------

er, here i am, bragging the fictitious me. :|

Animal-ness! Sunugin na ng buhay!

Read this.

Bishop confirms he has custody of priest accused of rape

By Franklin Caliguid
Inquirer Mindanao

BUTUAN CITY, Philippines—Bishop Juan de Dios Pueblos confirmed Saturday that he has transferred a parish priest in his diocese who has been accused of raping a 17-year-old girl to the Bishop’s Palace in Butuan City but declined to comment at all on the case.

Word that the Rev. Raul Cabonce of the St. Anne Parish in Tubay, Agusan del Norte, had been transferred came first on Friday from the Caraga regional chapter of the women’s group Gabriela, which is assisting the girl in pursuing her charges against the priest.

“He is under my custody,” Pueblos said in a return call to the Inquirer. But he declined to discuss the case beyond confirming that the priest had been reassigned.

Lina Linaban, secretary general of Gabriela in Caraga, said in a statement on Friday her group was not satisfied with the removal of Cabonce from Tubay.

“It is not enough to transfer the erring priest to another parish where he can still violate other girls. He should be made accountable (for his acts) under the State’s laws as well as Church laws,” she said.

Linaban said the experience of the girl, identified only as Leah, showed “that exploitation and abuse occur even in places that seem safe.”

“We are saddened that the crime happened within the very institution that is supposed to uphold morality. The priest exploited Leah’s trust and violated her despite her young age,” Linaban said.

The alleged victim filed charges of rape, acts of lasciviousness and child abuse against Cabonce at the Agusan del Norte prosecutor’s office last Thursday.

She claimed that Cabonce abused her on five different occasions since September.

Cabonce repeatedly denied the allegations in radio interviews, dismissing them as “trumped–up” charges concocted by his unidentified detractors.

He would not elaborate, however, saying he would file his answer to the charges in due time.

Linaban said based on the account of the girl, Cabonce had initially molested her by touching her private parts.

“Subsequent molestations, the last one ending in rape, happened on March 3 and 14,” Linaban said.

She said the girl “was threatened with a curse and an end to her scholarship to prevent her from telling anyone about her sexual ordeal.”

Linaban said Cabonce also “made sure that his guns and bladed weapon were in plain sight of Leah while violating her inside his room.”

Atel Hijos, Gabriela spokesperson for the Caraga region, said that despite Cabonce’s denial, it was unlikely for the girl to make up stories that could soil her reputation.

“(She has) a strong case and sufficient evidence for Father Raul Cabonce’s conviction,” she said.

Hijos told the Inquirer their group took custody of Leah, who “is now undergoing counseling for the severe emotional and psychological trauma resulting from Father Cabonce’s abuses.”

“Leah was greatly affected by her traumatic experience. She could not imagine that this could happen to her considering that she trusted the priest as a man of God,” Linaban said.

She said Gabriela has urged Pueblos not to protect Cabonce and not cover up for the priest’s alleged misdeeds.

“Bishop Pueblos should be an instrument of justice and equality rather than engage in a cover up to protect Father Cabonce,” Hijos said.

“Like Leah, there may be other girls, who are not given the opportunity to finish their studies because of lack of resources. And often, like Leah, they are exploited because of their poverty,” she said.

-----------
Hay. This made me cry. Ambigat. Biglang nagdilim ang paningin ko. Grr. Naghihimagsik sa galit ang puso ko. Hayop ka Cabonce! Hayop! Pfft. Grabe. Ewan. Hay.

Justice must be served, both in the State's laws and the Church laws! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you!

BIG BANG!

Yeah. Four-leaf clover is finally in a relationship with SOMEBODY ELSE.

DO
NOT
ASK
ME.

I AM FINE.

Good for him.
End of story.
--------------

Mr. LONG DISTANCE,
Ikaw.
Oo, ikaw ang namimiss ko.
Letse.
Ansama lang ng huling text.
May nahanap na raw na iba.
Ewan ko sa'yo.


-------------

Parareho na sana! Maray pa si Crush (kaso may gerplend) bakong STRESS kaulay. Hanep. Mayo. Friends-friends na lang talaga. Hahaha! :))

I hate the stars because I look at the same ones as you do, without you.

It's weird.
I miss you.
Yesterday I kept on reading your messages the whole day.
Waiting, yearning for another message from you.
It's weird.
I like you.
But I can't do anything to be with you right now.
You can't be here. I can't be there.

Hay. Sad story na naman.
Keri lang. Carry on.

I'll stop the world and melt with you.

Goodness!
Mukhang hindi na ko mi-mingle sa iba.
I FOUND HIM! ^_____^

PERO
Bat naman kung kelan may ISANG TAO nang handang samahan ka e tska naman ANLAYO niya sa'yo? BAKEEEET?

Gulay. LONG DISTANCE SUCKS BIG TIME.

I wanna get to know you better.
I wanna share good times with you.
But how can we do these when we're miles apart? Hay naku.

Suya. Arg.
Nakakainis. Nakakalungkot.

Pakiramdam ko, ikaw na 'yung matagal na hinihintay ko. Maybe waiting for a couple of months won't matter. Sana hindi magbago 'yung kung anumang nararamdaman mo. Ewan. Hindi pa rin kasi natin masabi. Pwede rin kasing lunukin ko lahat ng sinusulat ko ngayon. Pwedeng bukas o sa makalawa e mag-boyprend na ko bigla. Hindi natin alam kung ano pa ang mga susunod na magaganap. Ewan. Yes, I want you here. I want you here beside me.
Hay naku, kung nandito ka lang talaga e tiyak matutuwa ka naman. Hay.

Pero 'yan, tulad nga nang napag-usapan naten, wala talagang patutunguhan ang ganitong sistema. Eeee. >______<

Wala. Hay. Ano ba yan, parang andami ng lalaki ang nabanggit ko dito sa blog ko. Lahat e pambihirang hindi nagiging totoo. DRAWING LAHAT. Ano ba? Hindi naman ako mahirap magkagusto, obviously. Basta nice and may makita lang akong something awesome about the person, yun na yun. Hay naku. Hindi rin pala ikaw ang unang attempt ng long distance. Pero, er, it's kinda different with you. Baket kaya? Hay. Mabigyan lang talaga ako ng isang araw kasama ka, naku! Oh well, ganyan talaga.
Nemen yen! Arg.

Bat kasi ngayon ka lang nagsabi, di ba? Ansuplado mo pa nga sakin dati tapos you find me weird. Ni hindi kita pagkakamalan na may, er, something saken. Hahaha! Ngayon, er, we badly want to be with each other. Kasi naman...bat kasi... Hay naku.
-------------

Wag na. Wag na lang magmahal. Hahaha! Okay na yan, friends na lang sa lahat. Hahaha! Magkirirsan na sana para cool lang. Pfft. Hahaha! Kasi naman... >____<

You make me melt like a hot fudge on a sundae.

Once and for all para sa lahat ng kaartehan kong, er, (FINE)...ulit. Para sa lahat ng sakit, tampo, inis, at pagmamahal na nararamdaman ko para SAYO...

kahit pa hindi ko naman nakikitang KUMIKISLAP ang mga MATA mo sa tuwing kasama siya...

Dear Asshole,

Whatever had happened to us, I still believe that you have a golden heart. I think I have to agree with you. I fell for the wrong person. Nonetheless, you are still one of the nicest, sweetest and meanest guys I ever went out with. You are still awesome for me. Goodness! I should be cursing you right now for making me feel neglected but here I am saying all these nice things to you. Oh well, love isn't full of butterflies fluttering in the meadows. I have a fair share of pain. All I want is to look back at the good old days we shared. Dear! I envy her. You pretty know I am not insecure with her and never will I be. It's just that, like your former Lady love, she's damned lucky to have you holding her hand and keeping you at her side. The things I would not be able to reclaim. As always, your happiness matters to me. If you're happy with her, even though she's not a goddess (HAHAHA!), then I'll respect that. I would not be around anymore. Take care of yourself.

I love you.

Sincerly,
Stupid

------------

HELLO

october 30, 2010

"hey.. i know my apologies wont make you feel better, but i know you'll be ok.. im so fucking ashamed.. just wanna thank you for making me feel better when i was down, thank you for the company, thank you for the chitchats and the warm hugs. thank you for the smiles. thank you so much..i will miss whatever we had between us. by the way si si dapat sinabi ko sa Mcdo: "you have all the reasons, but how come i just can't damn fall for you".. You appreciate my interests, you make me feel im fucking special, your simply understanding, i like your sense of humor..damn it. you are stellar el. sorry if you fell for the wrong person.

+HUGS+

see you 'round hot fudge sundae. take care!"

-----------

PS:

Please do not talk ILL about me. I would be very, very hurt if that happens. Honey, the last thing you would want to happen is injure my pride. Please be kind with your words.