Wapak!

"Wer friends ryt?"

Ika ang friends!

Like, who would want to hear this question from a lover's mouth?

I'm pissed off.Shit.

Fine, masakit!hahaha..hanep sa hapot..

narinig ko na yan eh, tapos alam ko na rin ang sunod nyan..hahaha..

Remember, you told me you don't want to be my friend? Gusto mo ipaalala ko pa sa'yo yun ng bonggang bongga!duh!

Sabi kayang barkada na lang..eh di sana dae na naman ko nakukulgan..leche..

Pagsinabihan ngani kamong guys magtubod!

Friends..friends..dakol na ko kyan..hahaha

Subanggi sana, sweet-sweetan ka dyan..Nanunuyo ka pa ngani, tapos ngunian mahapot ka kung friends kita!

Eeeee.nasusuya ako. Ata ugmahon ako, not because of that curfew but because I have you around. Tapos arog ka ni?

Friends palan?So, pwede na kong maghanap nin bako namang iffriend ko?hahaha..leche kasi..

Naduduwag ka ba?

Kala mo naman kasi di ako natatakot.

Kahit kelan talaga, pare-pareho liko ng bituka ng mga lalaki.tsss

*pissed off mode*

17

Aw. I miss him.

Parang araw-araw, lalo akong nakakakita ng dahilan para hangaan siya.

Shet. Filipino mode ulit.

Kaso, may mga oras na parang pakiramdam ko balewala lang ako sa kanya. May mga oras na parang natatakot siya sa kung ano mang nararamdaman ko.

Busy siya. Pero okay lang basta alam kong may lugar ako sa puso niya. Maiintindihan ko 'yun.

Leche.Ikaw kaya 'yung manliligaw!Bakit parang patay na patay ako sa'yo?

Magulo utak ko dahil natatakot na naman ako.

Natatakot akong sumuko siya bigla.
Natatakot akong hindi pala ako 'yung hinahanap niya.
Natatakot akong mawala siya sakin.
Natatakot akong pagtapos na naman ng ilang linggo eh magpapaalam na siya ng tuluyan.
Natatakot akong bumalik kami sa pagiging acquaintances lng ng isa't isa.

Natatakot ako kasi...leche.mahal ko na siya.


*Lord,
Salamat po at mag-iisang buwan nyo na ring pinahiram sakin 'tong lalaking 'to. Ikaw lang po nakakaalam kung ano tunay naming nararamdaman. Sana po, siya na. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko 'to nasabi,pero sana lang naman po. Kung hindi man po siya para sa akin, please po patagalin mo pa po ng konti. Ayos lang kung masaktan ulit ako pagkatapos sige na po. Salamat po.

Unstable as Gas Molecules

You can put it that way, but heck, you really caught me off guard. That wasn't the right time, as there's no right time. I gave it a bit of thinking and a pinch of feeling. You made me happy. Still, I doubt. I doubt myself and I have doubts on you.Yes, you're fun to be with. The envying eyes of those girls who stared at you while you sang makes me feel proud that I have you around. I don't know. I have doubts; and I always have. It takes time to know me and it will take more time to understand me. It might tire you off waiting for someone who's as vague as me. I don't know. I have my doubts.



Arduous state
Malady of soul
Grain spirits pour
Crystal drops flow

Murky stand
Woe of heart
Smoke floats
Glistening drops flow

Erroneous act
Ambivalence of mind
Blaze smears
Sparkling drops flow

Unbearable
Inevitable
Ceaseless
Ardent

If it's LOVE then it must be GOOD.

Remorse never scratched my system.

I love you and it won't make any sense if I say I don't.

I'm hurt. What else will you expect me to feel?

Oh well, HURT, was an understatement.

But would you believe that I'm happy for you?

That made some fucking difference. I'm happy when you're happy.

So what about my ever static affection?

I'll get some doctor to help me out this shit.

As I always say, "I'll be just fine...pretending I'm not"haha

I'll be better soon.

*sigh

It has been an illusion.

You must have told me earlier.

I will accept it really, like, do I have any other choice?

Bitterness? Hard feelings? Of course!

Tao rin ako, dude!

But I'll still be your friend. Just give me some time.

How life played tricks on me.


So, I guess, this will be the end of my illusion.

Eto na 'yung most awaited moment mo... "move on and get a life, youll die waiting for that freaking guy."

Thank you. :)

If the love left a scar..

haha..waley na naman ang beauty ko..haha..WALEY as in LOST, as in SUPALPAL, as in WAPAK, as in NA DEDZ..haha...

assuming kasi..di naman pala ako..haha..yan..yan..

kaya lang siguro mabait sakin yung tao kasi masayang masaya siya dahil in lababo siya..
nagkataong ako yung may something sa kanya pero wala siyang something sakin.kaya ganyan..haha..
ang kapal.kapal ko kasi..yan tuloy..haha..si pers lab pala tinutukoy niya..haiisst..wrong..

super duper mega ouch..haha..but what else can i do? eh ang una at huli kong kondisyon para bitawan ang pag-ibig ko sa isang tao eh...OTHER LOVE.haha..walang panama roon..naiintindihan ko naman siya..nagmahal lang din naman siya..pareho lang kami..kaso, di nga lang WITH EACH OTHER. siya ay sa WITH ANOTHER.hehe..

i'll be fine soon..hay..kaya ko 'to! :D

Minsan...

minsan pinangarap ko rin na habang pagod na pagod ako galing sa game ay may magbibigay sakin ng ONE BIG HUG.
minsan gusto ko rin namang makatanggap ng bulaklak out of the blue galing sayo.
minsan masayang mabigla dahil nakayakap ka sakin habang nakatalikod ako.
minsan nakakatuwang mainis dahil dalawang araw mo akong hindi pinapansin yun pala may surprise ka palang ibibigay.
minsan iniisip ko rin na sana iniisip mo rin ako.
minsan masarap sa pakiramdam na habang nahihirapan ka sa school work ay biglang tutunog ang telepono ko dahil nag text ka.
minsan kahit isang missed call nga lang kumpleto na araw ko, basta galing sayo.
minsan subukan mo namang magselos at ipakito yun sakin..nakakataba rin kasi ng puso.

Pero siguro mas nakakabuhay ng puso eh kung sa gitna ng pagkakape natin, ibubulong mo sakin ang mga katagang ayaw na ayaw mong sambitin. :D


spell ASA!hahhaa.. :))

Naku naman.

Pag-ibig naman, bakit ka ba ganyan?
Iyong ipinakita'y iba sa mga binigkas.
Puso ko tuloy' walang mapaglagyan.
Sisidlan nito'y pait; hapdi ang ibinalangkas.

Diwa ko'y lito sa iyong kilos,
Salita mo'y iyong panangga.
Wari ba akong inosenteng musmos,
na kahit matigas na pader ay binabangga?

Pag-ibig naman, 'wag kang ganyan,
Sabihing matapat iyong nararamdaman.
Ito'y di hambambuhay na hintayan.
'Wag mangamba; ako'y iyo naman.

Sabog.

Crush ko si ___!lol..

What the heck? Imbes na nag-rereview ay heto ako't nagbblog ng tungkol sa crush ko.
HINDI siya si ONE and ONLY. Basta.

Natutuwa lang ako pagnakikita ko siya. Kahit nga maalala lang eh natutuwa ako. Haha.
Hindi ko naman aklaing crush ko na pala siya. Haha. Basta ang saya. hahaha.

Hindi ko sasabihin kung sino siya. Haha.

shet.anu ba yan..crush.crush.. :D

Mensaheng Hibang

Eleanor Haig January 7 at 1:22am

I can't utter the right words. Dae ko aram pero yan subago garo there's a need for me to tell you what i feel. Pero aram ko man na aram mo..hehe..kaya naghesitate ako tska baka man pati iba ang reaction mo. which is, expected man.haha.. winiweigh ko si mga bagay-bagay ta baka may maraot kitang pag-ibahan. medyo haloy ko naman nin inisip.haha..baka sakaling namimis interpret ko lang ang sadiri ko. kaya lang matagas ang payo ko. uni, im taking the risk. haha.. okay,here it goes..i love you. haha..wooh. dae mo man kaipuhan ibalik si same feeling..uruutro na ko kayan..haha..pero kung ugwa, eh di maugma..kung mayo, okay lang..actually dae..pero.okay lang..hehe...
kaipuhan ko lang talaga ning masabi saimo. hoping na matauhan ka.joke..hehe..dae. basta,para at least man aram mo.kung dae pa..haha..
no other intentions man palan ni.i just want to love you.yan lang..hehe..sabi mo ngani..im too young to rush things..haha..bsta..
dae ko na kaya kayang itago lang ni..love's meant to be expressed.haha..kaya yan..ay basta..masyadong risky ni, ta kadakulon consequences ang kaibahan kani..pero yan..bahala na..haha..dgdi na lang..ingat. :)


*ahm,alright.masyadong praning..haha..ay ewan..bsta yan..para tapos na.ahha..okay na yan..

Worries

Oh, this is quite bothering. My mentor-friend, Kuya Sharky, told me to stop worrying about my submitted story. He said it's part of the process and I just need to get back to it after two days. Well, that is sort of a reasonable break but why am I fretting this way?

I'm having this bad feeling that my story won't satisfy my professor. He's the one who'll approve or reject my work. It's hard to please him with an expert's work, what more with a beginner's work like mine. It's just that I did put all my efforts to edit and revise my story so I am quite nervous about his criticisms. I know it will be a great help to me but I'm still afraid of what his up to say. I still got that trauma grade in his subject.

Hmm, maybe I'm just a bit paranoid over things that haven't occurred yet. I must relax first and get my mind off that story. Yeah, I must relax and stay calm. Calm. Calm. Calm.

***

My one and only seems to be treating me as his friend again. Well, yes, he really never treated me more than that. I'm just assuming.. ^.^ Anyway, I don't know if I can summon enough courage to express all my feelings for him. I mean all my feelings; from loving to even nearly hating him. I want to say all these things to him but I'm not yet prepared for the consequence. I'm not yet ready to take that fucking risk.

Forgive me if I'm a coward when it comes to him. It's just that, he's the most important guy ,next to dad, in my life. I can't afford to make faults or bad moves. Whew. Excuses.

This is hard to admit. Honestly, I'm not afraid of what he has to say. It's his friends which I'm worried more about. His closest buds are also my close friends but, well, those "friends" that surrounds him are the people that make me hesitant. They might react violently. They might say bad or even worst things about me. There will be eyebrows raised and I will not be comfortable with it.

The more I see them the more I become hesitant. I don't want this thing to become a hindrance to my love for him but this is reality. This is not a fairy tale that ends in a happily-ever-after so I must weigh things. I must see things beforehand so when they come I'm prepared.

But then, a second thought came. If I love him and only him, why consider these people? Why still consider all the negative implications. This is LOVE and not a RESEARCH PROJECT. I have to immerse myself to it. It must me subjective. It must not follow theories, laws and studies. It must travel its own road. It must come into life. It has to be expressed. :)

Love

The gradient scent of Christmas filled the air as we walk around the downtown. I was wearing a red floral dress and he was in his white polo shirt and pants. We were like a living Christmas decor at this sight but we did not care.When he fetched me from home we were ridiculously laughing at each other. But it's not important. I was with him. He was with me. That matters most.

We decided to take our dinner in a cozy restaurant near the city park. The food was great. We had some small conversations in between our meals. He even cracked a joke and I laughed so hard that he tried to cover my mouth because an old couple was already glaring at us. I gave in and started to calm myself as I lovingly pinched his arm. He always makes me outburst of laughter whenever I'm with him.

It was now the time to go to church and hear the Yuletide mass. He payed our bill and gave the waiter a cheerful greeting of "Merry Christmas". He held me near him as we walked passed the crowded streets. We were walking with our hands clasped as we approached the majestic church. It was ornamented magically. The lanterns that welcomed the church-goers were brightly lit. It was a breath taking night. I closed my eyes to feel the season; I wanted to remember every detail of this night. I kissed him lightly on his cheek when I opened my eyes. He was caught off-guard then simply gave me a wide grin in response. We felt the Christmas breeze on our faces and heard the leaves rustled peacefully. We entered the church and listened intently to the mass.

We haven't left the church even after the mass. I needed a few moments more of silence with him in front of our Creator. I knelt and prayed hard to Him to give us many more Christmas together. If forever's impossible, a lifetime will be good enough. I noticed that he was staring at me with tears rolling down his handsome face. I wiped it and smiled at him. He knew what I prayed to God. He knew it will happen not for long. He wrapped his arms around me, so tight that I felt his warm body engulfing every nerve of my body. I hugged him, too. I ran my fingers through his velvet hair, looked him deep in the eyes, touched them, and finally caressed his nose and lips. I will never forget his face.

This is my last memory of him. I passed away a night after this. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor a year ago. It went from worse to worst. That day was miraculously the most normal day of my life since I was diagnosed with this tumor. I have no regrets. I love him and I will always do. Two years had already passed and though he hasn't found another girl I always wish him to find one. I even bugged Him to give my beloved someone who will take away the pain. I was surprised when He told me that he had already tried to give him one but he refused to accept it. Our Creator said, "He will love you up to his last breath. He swore this to me the very minute you told him your condition."

Hope. Love. Christmas.

After all the talked about controversies in our country, Christmas is still a season everyone looks forward to. The grave act of human slaughtering never failed to anger all of us. The undeclared mansions of some infamous government official caught the eyes of the mass. The storms that left the country miserably glimpsing at the sight of Apocalypse had damaged and somehow enlightened the nation that a much stronger force does exist. The threatening Mt. Mayon alarmed hundreds and even thousands of indigenous people. Nevertheless, Christmas has passed its path. It has saddened the few but it has become the hope of the many. And as of course, a general but forgotten knowledge, the birth of our Savior served as the hope of the millions.

As I scribble this, a realization hits me. There are times when you want to give everything you have but people just don't get contented with it. Just when you're passionately spreading your love, it seems to be just not enough. No matter how willing you urge to give, sometimes it's not just enough. So, then you will ask, why still give hope and spread love?

He loves us without question. He extends his help through the people we meet. He gives us hope when all things just go tough and rough. But had he ever stopped? Had he ever given us up? But what do we give Him in return? Doubts? Threats? Burdens? Sins? And what do we do whenever the things He gives just seem not to fulfill us? He had never walked away. He had never let us go. So now, we ask ourselves, is there still a chance for us to help others? The answer must be plain and simple.

We help because we love. We love because we are also in need of affection and acceptance. We are in need of affection and acceptance because we are social beings. We are social beings because God has made us to be.

To the 'founders' and steering committee of Spread the Love Movement, I commend each of you. Thank you for sharing your gifts to our brothers and sisters in need. Thank you for giving me and my friends the chance to extend our love to them. Thank you for a meaningful Christmas. May this continue as another year unfolds. God bless us all!

Merry Christmas! :)

Paranoid

me scared. he seems to be mad at me or something. oh. :(
he's not returning my messages(though he's not obliged) but..oh please..what have i done?
im worried. really worried.

melancholy in the middle of bright sun

like the heat of the sun this love i hold is scorching
it penetrates every inch of my skin
like the brightness of the sun this love is blinding
it makes my eyes shed tears



the only girl i envy is the girl you love so dear.
i can do nothing about it.
the fact must just be better accepted than insist a deeper cut.

WRONG TIMING

una..naiwan ko ung hand outs na dapat kong basahin...
binalikan ko at nabasa... iba nman ung quiz..ampness..grr..

ikalawa..ung prisaa sasagasa sa marami kong subjects...bukol na maray..hanep sana..
gusto ko magklase..gustuhon ko magkawat..

ikatulo..sira ang telepono ko..nagtext xa..inaalok akong mag mcdo..
kakabasa ko plang ngayong gabi..
at dahil nakiinsert lang ako..rineplyan ko pa xa ng "xay ka po?"
leche..waah..

oh life..sana bukas nlng kasi..wrong timing..hay.hay...

Ako ba'y EMO?

"EMO ka."

I often hear this to people who read my blog and stats in fb. And it appears that these people are my friends. LOL

hay..
why do i need to explain this?ugh..
i hate explaining my actions...

anyway,
maybe because im tired of being point blankly accused as an EMO.

no offense to those who are self acclaimed EMOes..hahhaa

okay, let me get this straight..I AM NOT AN EMO.. NOR A DRAMA QUEEN.

it is just a normal thing to release all the angst i feel..yeah, i dont wanna burst out shouting to people every now and then just because i feel that my world sucks..

c'mon..every normal individual has experienced a feeling of momentary depression..and frustration..

and i am this kind of lady who wants to express this negative auras out of my system..

if sometimes i want to savor the pain and sadness it's not because im a martyr..it's simply because i believe that in savoring one's burdens, any little thing about happiness will mean absolute bliss to that person...you'll never appreciate a warm ray of sun if you'll never feel the excruciating stroke of coldness..tell me..is it wrong? well, i dont care if any of you thinks the contrary..hahaha..

when im sad..i choose to be sad..
there might be something that triggers it but the choice lies to me..

well about love?
friends...hahaha..here i go again..

you cant do anything about it..hahaha..
thanks for all your encouragement and undying promise of friendship but i am really FINE. :)

Shakespeare once wrote, "The course of true love never did run smooth". (Midsummer Night's Dream Act I, Scene I).

i admit i am already at the end of the rope..and i will tie a knot and hang on still...it's over when i say it's over..
just let me love that person...let me cry..let me feel pain, let me smile, let me feel happiness... let me endure all things in the name of love..in the name of my true being...

don't fret when i dont get any reciprocated feelings as return..there's nothing wrong in loving someone whoe doesn't love you..it's a mundane fact..
maybe others love me as well, but i just can't return the love as they deserve..
things are meant to happen..but we can distort these..


hahhaha..kung anek2 na sinasabi ko,.haha

love ko kamu..kaya lang yan..uni man side ko..hehe..si iba kaya dawa dae ko mn friends sasabihan akong emo..masiramun ibadag..lol//

tska saro pa plang rason kung tano masyadong garo grabeng sadness ang dateng kani ta dahil sa reason na sako na lng..hahaha..saka ko naman irereveal..pero dapat aram na nindo yan kung tano..hahaha.. :)

Random Questions

Why do they always give up on me?
Why does nobody stay with me?

Am I that precious enough to deserve someone better than those persons i loved?
Or is it just they all deserve someone better than me?

Does it always have to be me who takes the first move, the first attempt..?
Does it always have to be me who takes the rejection? A big bang in my fragile heart...

Why do people get affected everytime I tell my story?
Why do people get agitated when I speak?

Why can't he love me? or you, why can't you love me?
Why does nobody can take a stand for me?

How can I make the best out of every pain?
How can I learn a lesson I never recognize?

Why do say stars fall? I haven't seen any..

Why does the sun continuously shine on Earth?

Why does light travel faster than sound? Can't it be the other way 'round?

Why do angel's wings exist if I haven't seen yours?

Why do I sail in a strange sea of love?...when i actually can wait..-as they all told me..

Why do I need to wait for you to come?
Why can't I just stay near you now?

How can your eyes spark if it's not me you love?

Why do people betray their friends when they're hurt?
How can some swallow their conscience?

Why are you so insensitive?
What's the secret of being a good pretender?

What lie can tell a truth?
What truth can cover a lie?

What happiness will you find if you never felt pain?
What pain can you endure just to feel the bliss of life?

How much can you give when you have nothing you own?

Will you love someone because he or she loves you?
Will love someone who doesn't love you?

Will you be brave enough to admit defeat?
Will you be brave enough to confess fear?

Do you know how many birthmarks you have?

Have you ever asked the Divine if you really deserve anything you have?

Is it fine with you to see someone cheating in an exam, as long as you get a higher mark than that person?
Is it fine with you to see others suffer just because you can't do anything for them?
Is it fine to somewhere else and leave your Motherland because you want to succeed?

Why can't people just day in three days just like the butterflies do?
Why are butterflies seem to be more productive than us even in a short span of life?

Why does there were times I don't want to talk to anybody but myself?

Why do people cling to their fantasies rather than live their dreams?

Why do we need to go to school?

Why do the Bible says it was written by the Divine?

Why can't I give my life in exchange for the lives of those who are in need?

Why can't sometimes even friends does not understand you?

Why can't we measure darkness?

Why does warm air sinks?

Why does buoyancy exist?

Why does Science seem to always have the answers?

Why do we doubt?
But then again why are we always deceive by what we doubt?

Why do we hold principles which are not really are own?

How can you easily forget those that love you? and remember those you love?

Why does fact exist when man seeks for the truth?

Why do we need to seek for truth when facts already exist?

What are the scientific names of those plants in Farmville?

Why do you buy friends in Friends for Sale?
Don't you know that your friend's worth is more than the square of the sum of the all the FFS users' value?

Why can't I perfect my grammar?
But why am I annoyed of those who doesn't care about their grammar?

Why can't I twist my hips when I play?
Why do I still maintain a good posture even if I must slouch?

Why do people taboo wars and battles yet patronize Mafia Wars and Battle Realms?

Why do you go to church then later on do some bad mouthing?
Because you know it's venial?
Because you know he'll forgive?

Why do you do good only to people who do good to you?

Why do some people tend to envy me? I mean, I'm serious..lol

Why do you envy others?

Why aren't we contented with what we have, but we're still occasionally happy?

Why do we get sad?

How can you make someone's day extraordinary?

How come you annoy me much?

Aw

Matapos ng masayang bday..

hay..

ganyan siguro talaga..kung akala mo okay na..hindi pala..akala mo dun ka magaling..hindi pala.. pakiramdam mo lang pala..maling akala..

may mga bagay na handa mong ibigay lahat pero wala naman palang epekto. akala mo nahanap mo na yung bagay na kaya mo..yung bagay na panghahawakan mo..pero wala din naman pala. ibubuhos mo yung buong puso mo..paghihirapan..pero hindi talaga ganun.. nakulong ka na siguro kasi sa kakaisip na kaya mo..hindi pala talaga..

walang wala ka pala sa mga pasimple lang..relax.. masyado mo kasing dinibdib..isinabuhay..pero wala talaga..ganyan talaga..

hay..