More than fiction

His voice filled my being.
It's a glimpse of heaven having him around. We were indeed having a good time with each other's company. And then he lead me in a bright room where nothing is seen but wide space. I turned my gaze to him but he was nowhere to be found. I tried to hold back the tears but it was impossible. I coudn't confine myself any longer. Fears devoured my rigid body. I coudn't summon any courage to break the chain of darkness. It's encircling me now. It started to be bright then it faded slowly; until nothing was left but a mere space of eternal darkness.

friends

wooh!

Namiss ko sila ng bongang bonga..hahhaa. akalain nyong susugod ako sa gastusang walang pera..shett..hahha

ang saya ng araw na 'to... lupet sa trip.. ewan.basta kakaiba ang feeling pag kasama mo yung mga kaibigan mo..bliss pare. BLISS! hahaha.

un..

anyway...

teka..hmm. worried about ako dun sa research thingy..
hay, hala..baka iniisip nila uber na kaya ko mag-isa yung research..hmm.
hindi naman yun sa ganun..kasi alam kong may pinagkakabusyhan ung groupmates ko na para din sa buong class..and wala pa akong maitulong dun so..ako na muna dun sa research namin..
nag-eenjoy naman kasi akong gawin yun kahit minsan nosebleed..pero..yun.. i love what i do..kaya walang kaso..di ko naman nakakalimutan na may mga kagrupo ako...yun..haaha
nag-explain.. :)

anyway..bukas naman military parade..sows..gud luck sci high! :)

dunno

okay.

I'm freaking excited!
I'm freaking hoping that all the planets are on their right orbits.
I'm freaking begging that all the gods and goddesses in Mount Olympus love me.

weeh.

But, God, here's a deal... (sounds as though God and I are really friends)
You take that poison out of his system, out of his body...not next year..next month..
If that happens.. I'll do anything you want.. I won't reject your calls. I won't miss any of your chats. Swear. Just grant me this wish. I don't mind if it means another five years of being single.hehe.

wooh. as if naman pwede sa kanya makibargain noh..haha.kung pwede lang..eh di sana.. akin na ang unibers..haha

Put the blame on me.

I've never been a good daughter.

I am the one who does not understand her parents.
I am the selfish girl who doesn't seem to care about the things around her.
I am the brat who is very ungrateful to her parents' hardships.
I am the bitch who thinks highly about herself.
I am the daughter who anwers back her parents given any condition.
I am the unthoughtful one.
I am the lazy one.
I am the irresponsible one.

I am the one to blame.

Or am I just overeacting about all the shouts and scolds from my mom?

Who would want to eat dinner while someone's giving you a long and loud litany?
Who would want to study while someone's putting all the burdens of the world in a miniature?

Heck.

It's always me.

Hay, this may be the reason why I prefer to stay late and wandering around the town. Sometimes it's hard to find serenity inside your sanctuary.

What shall i do?

Hay. Magabat na naman pagmati ko.

Nakakasuya.

I'm still hoping na yaon man giraray xa. Pero anong magagawa ko kung iba naman talaga ang gusto nyang gawin sa buhay. Hindi ko naman sya pwede dung pigilan. Hay.

Naggood bye naman ko saiya pero tano ta nakukulugan pa nanggad ako. Ano ta arog kaini ang namamate ko?makulog. magabat.

tano ta arog kani?

kasalan ko talaga kung tano mayong naghahaloy sako?

arog ako kayan ka wooorsstt?duh. dae man ngani.

anong problema ninda sa ugali ko?

anong sala sa mga ginigibo ko?

bako man akong dominante.

possessive, dae man..

selosa, nasa lugar man..

open minded man baga ako..pero tano ini dae ko maintindihan.waah.makulugon ang hanep.

lintik. so ano, pagkamoot ni? o mah lang?

After Six Loooong Years

Marami ng mga nangyari.
Marami ng nag-iba.
Maraming dumating.
Maraming lumisan.

Isa ang nanatili.

Pagkakaibigang hindi mababahiran ng kahit sino mang boylet o chix.

Haha. Ilang minuto makalipas ang ala-sinko ng hapon. Sa awa ng Maylalang na buksan ko ang aking telepono.

Maraming mensahe ang nagpupumilit magpabasa sa aking singkit na mga mata. Ngunit isang pangalan ang nakaagaw ng aking atensyon.
Galing sa matapat na kaibigang minsan kong minahal ng higit pa sa dapat.
Tinatanong nya kung nasan ako at kung kasali rin daw ba ako sa tournament ng table tennis sa SM. Alas-tres pa naipadala yung mensahe at huli na marahil kung sasagutin ko pa.
Wala akong load. Nagloloko ang telepono ko. Putcha. Pano ko sya makikita ulit. Ikalawang beses nya palang itinatanong sa akin kung nasan ako.
Buti na lang at kasama ko si Jojo. Nakitext ako sa kanya habang nakikipagtunggali sa bukas-sara kong telepono. Natext ko sya at yun..to make the story short...

Para akong batang kumakaripas papuntang SM.

Pagdating ko dun eh may mga chix pa. Kala ko magsstay sila. So nung nakita ko sina Prince and Kevin sabi ko sama na lang ako sa kanila. Pero yun umalis yung mga chix dahil manonood ng movie. Haha. At nagpaalam ulit ako kina Prince and Kevin na hindi na lang ako sasama. hehe..

Yun, kamustahan.
Habang nakatutok si pareng Nikko sa laptop nya.

Kaya ang kausap ko lang ay si Victor.

Xa: Magayon baga shirt mo.
(blouse po)
Ako: ahy..
Xa: Sako na lang.
Ako: O halat..(magtatanggal na ng buttons)
Xa: Hala, bako digdi..suba lang..
Kami: *pusngak bwahahaha

Inaalok nya ko ng paulit-ulit na kumain.
o kahit uminom ng malamig na kape.hahaha.
Pero di ko alam kung bakit ako tumanggi.

Kahit yung mismong hawak nyang tirang cake inaalok sa akin pero umiling pa rin ako.

Heck.

Napandigan ko ang pagtanggi all throughout ng pag-tamabay sa Beanbag ng tatlong oras.

Wooh. Yun, paulit-ulit nya kong tinatanong kung okay lang ba ako at bakit di ako nagsasalita o umiimik man lang.haha. Kinagat ng pusa dila ko. Di ako makapaniwalang makakajamming ko ang isang malupet na nilalang na tulad nya na matagal ko ng pangarap.

anyway. yun.kwento.kwento.tawanan.asaran.

tapos nang alok syang pumuntang booksale. at dahil walang maiiwan sa beanbag para hintayin si Katz at di naman mhilig sa books si pareng Nikko kaming dalawa ung naglagalag sa booksale.
wala un puros libro.hahaha.

then, ano pa ba?

yun after dumating ni katz.tapos ilang minuto pa..umalis na kaming SM

next stop ay kanto ng SM habang nagdedebate kung saan dadaan para maglakad papuntang Magsaysay.haha.

at ng napagod silang tatlo eh tinanong nila ko kung anong suggestion kong daan.haha.
simple lang, "Sakay na lang kaya kita.."
haha.lahat nag-agree.

Pagdating dun sa Magsaysay. Dumaan kaming Avenue. May Konyong Habananas party sila. Tapos di man feel ta mga konyo to na feeling man.hahaha.

yun pumunta kaming molino at nandun si babe!hahaha.pero i dont care!hahaha.di rin nila feel ang atmoshpere kaya lumabas kami at nag-usap ulit sa may gilid ng kalsada.

Tumawid. Urong sulong sa Chicken Bacolod (aw,Ben. :<) tapos yun pumasok. Umorder ng meal nila for 4. tapos asaran tawanan. Dumating si Hegel(tma kya spelling ko?) tapos yun.kain.kain.lokohan. at banatan.

Xa: Kelan ka mag-aasawa?
Ako: Hah? Pagmayaman na ako.
Kats to him: Paghanda ka na..
lahat:bwahahahha
Xa: Mga what age nga?
Ako: Uhm pagmyaman na ko.
Katz to me:what age?
Xa: Yung estimated mo lang..
Ako: mga 25..
Xa: ahh..

haha.nep na ulayan.wah pa ngani kong bf.

Xa: May nagpapasabi plan.
Ako: Ano daa?
Xa: Magayunon ka daa.
Ako: Aram ko man.
Xa: Aram mo? Magayunon ka daa.
Ako: Eu, aram ko magayon ako. Sisay nagsabi?
Xa: Pinapasabi ko palan. (not the exact words)
Lahat: (pusngak.) bwahahaha.
Nikko: sobrang cheesy
Kats: banat.hahaha.yan man.

hmm.moving on..

after kumain..naglakad kami papuntang bahay nila.

di ko akalaing makakarating ulit ako dun..hahaha.

at habang naglalakad kami papunta dun. napansin ko na lng na magkasabay kami at nagkwekwentuhan na...

Ako: Nag promise man kaya sinda...tapos arog kayan. (emote na emote sa iniisturya)
Xa: O baka malingaw ka barkada mo ko bakong kaiwal. Baka bigla mo na lang ko jang anuhon.. sbay smile..woooh
Ako: eu. eu. nasusuya lang kaya ko..
Xa: Hahaha. Kalma lang kalma.

Haha.at ng mkarating kami sa kanila..after ilang minutes, paulit-ulit na naman syang nagtatanong kung okay lang ako.
Hinapot kung gusto ko magkakan. San=bi ko basog pa ako.
Kung gusto kong tubig. Sabi ko eu.
Tapos yan nagkua xa..haha.after nyang sabihong magkua na ko..hahha

yan tpos si oras na pag-uli ko..

Xa: Nung oras ka mauli?
Ako: 11:30
Xa: 11:3o?
Ako: Eu.
Xa: O di hiruon ko na lugod ang oras.. (nagtindog na taz kinua si wall clock)
Ako: Grabe, hihiruon mo paabante? haha
Xa: Dae. Paatras. (sabay smile na naman.)
Ako: Nye. (smile man)
Xa: mga ala-sais..hahaha


Mah lang maugma. salamat kaibigang tunay.

ay ugwa pa plan..

Nikko to me: Grabe, aram-aram mo na buong kaluluwa ko.
Ako: Syempre. hahaha
Xa: Eu?
Nikko & ako: Eu!
Ako to him: Ika baga three-fourths kang kaluluwa ko aram mo na..
Xa: Eu three fourths?
Ako: Eu..halos gabos na..pero ugwa pang dae
Xa: Eh di gibuhon mo ng buo..

Broken and Miserable

It started last 1summer on the 10th day of May.

The moment I talked to him I actually admired him.

When I heard him sang I was fascinated and mesmerized by his voice.

As we ate and chatted I was able to establish an unexplainable connection with him.

Then he bid good bye, shook my hand and said, "Nice meeting you, El."

That was the first day we met each other.


*All other encounters with him were already posted here last month.


And now, as I reminisce all those good times, I can't help but be teary-eyed and regretful.

I'm missing him so much.

I miss our long talks.
I miss our petty debates.
I miss our long walks.

I miss his penetrating stares.
I miss his magical smiles.
I miss his hand on mine.
I miss his presence while I play.
I miss his voice everytime he calls my name.
I miss his...

crap.i ccan't continue typing anymore..putcha.naghihibi ang gaga.hahaha.

waah.

I just miss him.

"I dont wnt to let u go even if in the frst plce ur nt mine. i dnt wnt to let u go bcos i love u. but evrythng seems to be vague now.i got tired of pushing through ths battle singlehandedly.i love u and i'll always cherish those few weeks spent blisfully with u.thanks ben.adieu."

Sent it twice. And I was able to receive nothing as a response.

I had no choice left but to say this in a text message. hay, there may not be a significant difference if i told him this personally. and besides, we should have had our talk last tuesday but he did not bother himself to make an effort to talk to me that day.

It ends tonight, it ends tonight..waaaah. :'(

I've tried it but they all leave me cold

Yah,the title speaks for itself.

Tama si Naxcz, 'what else is new?'

__O__

I seek and manage to find the 'wrong' one.

I seek and manage to get a heart break.

I seek and manage to be left, again.

I seek and manage to fail, for the nth time.

I seek and fail and cry and recover.

I manage to start all over when that suppose-to-be-right-one decided to part my way.

I manage to smile again when he told me it was time to set me free.

I manage to keep my head high when he said that he wasn't the one for me.

I manage to control my sobs when he rejected the love I offer.

I manage to live life to it's fullest every time a suppose-to-be-right one hurt me for their own bull shit reasons.

__O__

It's pretty depressing writing all this hatred stuffs. Not that I hate those people. It's just that I hate the circumstances I put myself into. Quite annoying.

Can anyone volunteer to love me but be sure to let me know your expiration date. It's hard to be caught off guard especially when you thought everything was smooth sailing. :(

3 months

tatlong buwan ka palang pala nag--eexist sa buhay ko pero talo mo pa ang edad ng mundo sa dami ng mga pangyayaring ibinahagi mo sakin sa maikling panahon.

oo. hindi oras ang basehan ng kahit anong uri ng pagkakaibigan.kahit pa may halo itong pitik ng pag-ibig.pusakal.kalokohan na nman mga linalagay ko dito.
type ng type ng kahit ano.
nagkataon lang na ikaw ang tumatakbo sa utak ko.magaling ka dun diba.shet,mapagod ka naman.yikes, ang baduy.

tatlong buwan!potek.ano kaya kung di kita nakilala?


masalimoot kaya ang buhay ko?

sino maliban sa team ang hahayaan kong ihatid ako sa bahay o kahit sabayan lang ako?

sino naman kaya sana ang kasama ko?

sino kaya ang nagturo sa kin ng pagtake ng pix?

sino kaya maghihintay sa akin habang binabagyo na ang Naga?

sino kaya isinama ko sa Sci at kina Ching?

sino kaya ang maswerteng lalaking yun?

waaah.sinayang mo pare.joke.haha.ayos lang yan..di naman ako kawalan sayo..
sabihin nating BONUS lang.mabubuhay ka naman kung wala ako. TULAD NG GINAGAWA MO NGAYON.lol,peace.:p pero kung nandyan ako parang pandagdag buhay lang.

shet.yan lang ba talaga parte ko sa mga buhay ng mga lalaking iniiwan ako.woot.drama.hahaha

wala.kakasawa rin kasi..pwede naman kayong magstay bat kelangan magjourney mag-isa?hay.siguro ako lang yung sawa na magjourney mag-isa.

gaguhan talaga.haen ka na kaya.barudon man magreflect at magrecollect.hehe.peace.

take ur time.malamang pag tapos na oras mo,hindi ako hahanapin at pupuntahan mo..

pustahan?!


hahaha.maligaon ako.wooh!

Ending things in a nice way.

"Being emotionally unprepared is not a valid reason when a guy starts to lure a girl then later on decides to end his game..."


It was a rather implied statement from a guy friend of mine. Don't know what to say when he asked me about the whereabouts of Mr. Special Someone in my heart. What's our status? Where is right now? Why isn't he here watching you play? What happened to the two of you?

Roar!Shut the fuck up, dear friend!hahaha.

Yeah, I know he's concerned. But the fact that I don't want to talk about it and that he kept on probing things annoyed me much.

I know. I know.

Our talk was a nice way of ending things up. You don't have to slap it on my face and feed me with such blatant words that made me feel so silly, martyr and hell of a hope-against-hope kind of person. I'm trying to move on and forget every little thing about him. But I can't help missing him. As always, I'm used to be left alone every now and then. Such losers don't deserve me. But he does deserve me. I'm the one who doesn't deserve him, loser. My world doesn't revolve to him and besides I've got a batallion of friends to help me out of this murky state. But everytime I see you coming 'round, I get down on my knees and pray...

Hay. Lagi ko naman kinakaya 'to. Sus. Ako pa? Lalaki lang yan. Marami pa jan. Duh. Sa haba ng buhok ko. Tsk. Tsk. Pero sya nga yung gusto ko. Hindi problema kung wala, mas problema nga kung meron. Pero pag nandyan sya, wala akong problema. Masaya naman buhay ko kahit hindi ko sya kasama o nakikita. Nabuhay naman ako ng ilang taon ng wala sya. Pero ibang ang magiging takbo ng taon kung nandyan sya. Kalokohan lang kung patuloy akong aasa sa wala. Pagtapos ng lahat, kasalanan ko rin naman 'to. Pero kung kalokohan at kasalanan ko 'to wala namang pakialaman, kaya tuloy lang.

Waah.gaga na naman akong tatawagin. Leche naman.

* Tila lalong bumabaon ang palaso na nakatarak sa puso ko.

An angel lend to me from heaven

I can't help but smile and lift my spirits high every time I receive an SMS from Victor. It's not what you're thinking guys. We will be friends beyond forever. No more, no less.

I sent him a message last night, saying that I need some encouragement to VANQUISH all my burdens in philo. Well, he's not the only person who received my message. Bunch of people did. He was the first one to respond. Faster than I thought. He's message was succinct but funny. Let me quote it, "Hehe. kaya mo yan!kya mo yn.haha. kaya mo yan.kaya mo yan. tink psitive. haha."
Yeah, I know it seems to be a jest but knowing him, I'm pretty sure it's more than a jest. Add to that the fact that he's a Globe user. Worth the effort and peso.hahaha.

Few minutes after he had texted me I received another encouragement from Ben. It was a kind of cognitive dissonance and I highly appreciate it. Ther's nothing Ben does that I don't appreciate. I was surprise, really. I never thought of him responding to my message because for all I know he's busy. So, it adds to the bliss. Shocks.

How I miss him..tsk.tsk.
Oops, here I go again.

haha.

*there will be no reciprocated feelings from him. so, drop the idea that he also misses you.aw.

Songs playing inside my head

hayaan nyo na kung mali-mali ang lyrics.hahaha. :p

"desperate for changing, starving for truth..im closer to wer i started. im chasing after you..im falling even more in love with you.."

"someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide. in a champagne supernova, a champagne supernova in the sky..."

"loving is not owning..."

"tonight im falling and i cant get up, i need your loving hands to come and pick me up. and every night i miss you i can just look up. and know the stars are holdin you, holdin you, holdin you tonight.."

"when you love someone you've got to learn to let them go..."

"i'll burn the city just to show you the light..."

"give me more loving than i ever had.make me feel better when im feeling sad.tell me im special even when i know im not. Make me feel good when i hurt so bad. barely getting mad I'm so glad i found you. i love being around you..."

"im just a little girl lost in the moment. im so scared but i dont show it..."

"tomorrow morning if you wake up and the sun does not appear..i will be here.."

*waah.umasa ka pa.di na yun babalik.sows.u were left alone again.herak mo man.hahaha

Whata reaction.

aw.crap.ngayon ko lang narealize di pala ako nakapass sa world lit ng reflection.patay.:(

anyway.

I saw him tonight, with his friend. Dunno why my first instinct was to call his name aloud. Embarassing, I know. I'm sooo enthusiastic when I clearly shouted his name, waved to him, and greeted him good night. Though, he managed to smile. Shocks.

It happened so fast and I was able to realize what I've done after I and my team mates crossed the street.
I was murmuring these words to them, "Dyahe. Shocks. Maribukon ako. Nakakasupog. Parisahun."
And they told me while laughing at what out burst I did, "Kasupog sana. Dyaheng maray. Tsk. Tsk."

Waah.

It's just that I'm missing the person. There's no point of concealing what I feel.

He's not an avid reader of my blog, anyway. So, there's no way he'll know I miss him when I don't make him feel that I do.

Hay. I hope I won't tire myself hoping for nothing,nothing,nothing.

Sabi dun sa Cosmopolitan na nabasa ko sa salon nina Ekoy, "When he says, you need a break it means that he's ending it. It's just nicer to say it this way."lol.

So, ano nga ba yung sinabi nya nung nag-usap kami?

Not yet ready to jump into another relationship?
-i'm not even anticipating one.

Hooh.ano na ko.

Lango na naman sa tamang pagmamahal ngunit maling panahon at tao. hay.

I'm in love with life but it seems that life's not in love with me. :'(

ayaw na.makulog baga.ako man lang may kasalan ta sinabihan na kong dae mag-asa.hay.implied.but not stated.waaah.

kelangan talaga iwan ako pag may nararamdaman na ko para sa tao?

gagahan masyado.

Yeah right, you're missing him.

"A second, a minute, an hour, a day goes by
I'm hopin' just to be by your side
I'm turnin' the handle, it won't open
Don't make me wait 'cause right now I need your smile
Knock, knock"

hanggang kelan?shet.
kinakain ko yung lagi kong inaadvise na "don't rush things.."rawr.

emotional distance pare!masaklap.

As the cliche goes: so near yet so far.

hay.hayaan mo na nga.ganyan talaga ang buhay.

may umaalis at may dumadating.
may sandali ka lang sasamahan.
may pangmatagalan.
but nothing lasts forever.:(

Lost aketch.amp

Heck.

things to be done na pagkarami-rami.arg.

ayaw na muna.

i want to be loved!haha

nung konek?

crap.

nanood na nman ako ng korean love story na movie.hehe.

as usual, na touch na naman ako.hehe

at nainggit.

kelan ka yan na may magmamahal sa akin ng tunay.

at yung sya yung mauunang magmahal.

hay.

yung tipong kahit kayo na eh everyday ka pa ring liligawan.
yung lalaking hindi magsasawa sa mga kaartehan mo.
yung walang sawa sa pagsuyo sayo sa tuwing nagseselos ka.
yung kahit minsan eh di ka iiwan sa ere.
yung ipaglalaban ka ng patayan. haha. bloody.
yung kakulitan mo sa mga masassayang bagay.
yung lagi kang isinusurprise ng kung anu-ano.
yung handang ipagsigawan sa lahat ng tao na ikaw lang mahal niya.
yung mamahalin ka higit sa pagmamahal mo sa kanya. shet, makata. lol.
yung kahit busy, kahit iling minuto o oras ang hingin mo ibibigay nya sayo.


haha.damn me.walang ganyan.sa fairy tales lng yan.

asus.

waah.napapagod na akong lagi na lang ako.hay.hay.

bad ako.

sabi nga "to give and not to count the cost..."


*hanggang sa alam kong magmahal, masasaktan at masasaktan pa rin ako. :(
kahit sino pa man siya

Scared no more

Yey. Nag-usap na kami.

Whew. Di nya nman pala ako tuluyang iiwan. Haha. I'm sooo paranoid.

I understand his situation. Tama lang naman yung naging desisyon nya.
I dunno why but I'm really happy for him. For us. :)

Habang nag sasalita sya ng mga tungkol sa akin di ko maiwasang kiligin.weeh. cheezy.
Wala lang. I always find him attractive kahit ako na yung binibigyan nya ng compliments and all.
Shocks. I also find him fascinating. He never fails to amaze me everytime we talk. Wow. He gives scholarships to students. Ayos. Naunahan pa ako sa advocacy ko. *applause*

At dahil sa pag-uusap naming 'to lalo pa akong nabigyan ng glimpse of his true identity.weeeh.
Baduy man at parang masyadong maaga pa pero yun "...i'm falling even more in love with you..."wahaha..oops. bawal nga pala. Single muna pala sya. Hehe.
But there's nothing wrong in what I feel for him. It's just that, I should not expect anything in return.Right?

Hmm, on the other hand...medyo scary. Kasi ang dami na namang pumapasok sa utak kong "what if..."

Pero yan nga..be positive.
Should always remember that a dark tunnel always has a welcoming light at the end.
What would come, would come. And he would have to meet it when it did."

Yey. so optimistic again. i love myself. i love ben...as a friend.haha.

*still into him. :)

Preparing myself to be left (again).

Aw. Hay. I feel it. Crap.

I'm trying to forget all those good times. shit.
I'm trying to forget all those smiles.
I'm trying to forget all those stares.
I'm tring to forget all those long walks at night.
I'm trying to forget all those hugs and kisses.
I'm trying to forget all those endearments.

I'm starting to detach my self from him.

I'm reprogramming my thoughts about him.

I'm doing the ever-effective cognitive dissonance.

I feel it.

It's nearing its end.

I'm preparing myself to be left again.

Hoping that this time no precious drops will be shed.

Damn!

It will be a taste of hell again.

*sigh*

Nobody's strong enough to endure heartache.oh.

ang bilis naman.
hay. sana mali pa rin 'tong duda ko.
sana praning lang talaga ako mag-isip.
hay.
pero, anong pag-uusapan namin sa thursday?biglaan yung pagrequest nya ng talk.amp.
patay. i'm pretty scared.

My share of anxieties.

I wanna cry my heart out.

Alright. Tumutulo na ang luha. shet. ang drama.

Eh kasi naman...

Nagkataon na ako at si Sir I-dunno-the-name na lang ang naiwang naglalaro kanina tapos after nun ako na lang. Nadedepress lang ako kasi mag-isa lang akong uuwi. Mag-isang mag-aayos ng table. Mind you, bubuhatin yun. Rawr. Mag-isang mag-aayos ng place. Mag-isang lalabas ng Ateneo. Mag-isang magdidinner. Miserable!

The only solution I thought was to call the rescue of my ever beloved Ben. Well, hindi sya yung Superman ko ngayong gabi dahil hindi niya sinasagot yung tawag ko. 'Tian. 3 attempts ng pagtawag mula sa pay phone ng PLDT. Wala talaga. Hopeless. Idagdag pa yung katotohanang miss na miss ko na yung tao.

Anyway, buti dumating si Carlo. At tinulungan nya ko sa table. Pero after nun, iniwan niya rin naman ako. Hay buhay.

Back to Ben, yun nga di nya talaga sinagot. hay. Tapos pagdating ko ng bahay tinext ko sya. Well, kahit isang libong beses ko pala inattempt na tawagan sya ay di nya sasagutin
dahil di na karegister sa phone niya yung num at akala nya yung kuya nya ung tumatawag.

Kaya heto ako nagtatampo at di naman rinereplyan. Dada ng dada, wala naman pa lang kausap.Grrr.

Hay, at wala nga pala akong karapatang magtampo. Gaga kasi. Hoping. crap.

Waiii. Hindi ka ganun ka importante sa kanya. Wawa man.

At nagreply na xa..wala na raw syang masabi.hay.arg.

mahirap talagang sabihin ang "i miss you, too" kapag di mo naman talaga namimiss yung tao. hay.


what he feels for me is not that deep.
anytime the wind will blow...
it'll carry his feelings for me somewhere far...
far from me. :(

wah.bitter.

nu ba ako?!
i must trust him.