melancholy in the middle of bright sun

like the heat of the sun this love i hold is scorching
it penetrates every inch of my skin
like the brightness of the sun this love is blinding
it makes my eyes shed tears



the only girl i envy is the girl you love so dear.
i can do nothing about it.
the fact must just be better accepted than insist a deeper cut.

WRONG TIMING

una..naiwan ko ung hand outs na dapat kong basahin...
binalikan ko at nabasa... iba nman ung quiz..ampness..grr..

ikalawa..ung prisaa sasagasa sa marami kong subjects...bukol na maray..hanep sana..
gusto ko magklase..gustuhon ko magkawat..

ikatulo..sira ang telepono ko..nagtext xa..inaalok akong mag mcdo..
kakabasa ko plang ngayong gabi..
at dahil nakiinsert lang ako..rineplyan ko pa xa ng "xay ka po?"
leche..waah..

oh life..sana bukas nlng kasi..wrong timing..hay.hay...

Ako ba'y EMO?

"EMO ka."

I often hear this to people who read my blog and stats in fb. And it appears that these people are my friends. LOL

hay..
why do i need to explain this?ugh..
i hate explaining my actions...

anyway,
maybe because im tired of being point blankly accused as an EMO.

no offense to those who are self acclaimed EMOes..hahhaa

okay, let me get this straight..I AM NOT AN EMO.. NOR A DRAMA QUEEN.

it is just a normal thing to release all the angst i feel..yeah, i dont wanna burst out shouting to people every now and then just because i feel that my world sucks..

c'mon..every normal individual has experienced a feeling of momentary depression..and frustration..

and i am this kind of lady who wants to express this negative auras out of my system..

if sometimes i want to savor the pain and sadness it's not because im a martyr..it's simply because i believe that in savoring one's burdens, any little thing about happiness will mean absolute bliss to that person...you'll never appreciate a warm ray of sun if you'll never feel the excruciating stroke of coldness..tell me..is it wrong? well, i dont care if any of you thinks the contrary..hahaha..

when im sad..i choose to be sad..
there might be something that triggers it but the choice lies to me..

well about love?
friends...hahaha..here i go again..

you cant do anything about it..hahaha..
thanks for all your encouragement and undying promise of friendship but i am really FINE. :)

Shakespeare once wrote, "The course of true love never did run smooth". (Midsummer Night's Dream Act I, Scene I).

i admit i am already at the end of the rope..and i will tie a knot and hang on still...it's over when i say it's over..
just let me love that person...let me cry..let me feel pain, let me smile, let me feel happiness... let me endure all things in the name of love..in the name of my true being...

don't fret when i dont get any reciprocated feelings as return..there's nothing wrong in loving someone whoe doesn't love you..it's a mundane fact..
maybe others love me as well, but i just can't return the love as they deserve..
things are meant to happen..but we can distort these..


hahhaha..kung anek2 na sinasabi ko,.haha

love ko kamu..kaya lang yan..uni man side ko..hehe..si iba kaya dawa dae ko mn friends sasabihan akong emo..masiramun ibadag..lol//

tska saro pa plang rason kung tano masyadong garo grabeng sadness ang dateng kani ta dahil sa reason na sako na lng..hahaha..saka ko naman irereveal..pero dapat aram na nindo yan kung tano..hahaha.. :)

Random Questions

Why do they always give up on me?
Why does nobody stay with me?

Am I that precious enough to deserve someone better than those persons i loved?
Or is it just they all deserve someone better than me?

Does it always have to be me who takes the first move, the first attempt..?
Does it always have to be me who takes the rejection? A big bang in my fragile heart...

Why do people get affected everytime I tell my story?
Why do people get agitated when I speak?

Why can't he love me? or you, why can't you love me?
Why does nobody can take a stand for me?

How can I make the best out of every pain?
How can I learn a lesson I never recognize?

Why do say stars fall? I haven't seen any..

Why does the sun continuously shine on Earth?

Why does light travel faster than sound? Can't it be the other way 'round?

Why do angel's wings exist if I haven't seen yours?

Why do I sail in a strange sea of love?...when i actually can wait..-as they all told me..

Why do I need to wait for you to come?
Why can't I just stay near you now?

How can your eyes spark if it's not me you love?

Why do people betray their friends when they're hurt?
How can some swallow their conscience?

Why are you so insensitive?
What's the secret of being a good pretender?

What lie can tell a truth?
What truth can cover a lie?

What happiness will you find if you never felt pain?
What pain can you endure just to feel the bliss of life?

How much can you give when you have nothing you own?

Will you love someone because he or she loves you?
Will love someone who doesn't love you?

Will you be brave enough to admit defeat?
Will you be brave enough to confess fear?

Do you know how many birthmarks you have?

Have you ever asked the Divine if you really deserve anything you have?

Is it fine with you to see someone cheating in an exam, as long as you get a higher mark than that person?
Is it fine with you to see others suffer just because you can't do anything for them?
Is it fine to somewhere else and leave your Motherland because you want to succeed?

Why can't people just day in three days just like the butterflies do?
Why are butterflies seem to be more productive than us even in a short span of life?

Why does there were times I don't want to talk to anybody but myself?

Why do people cling to their fantasies rather than live their dreams?

Why do we need to go to school?

Why do the Bible says it was written by the Divine?

Why can't I give my life in exchange for the lives of those who are in need?

Why can't sometimes even friends does not understand you?

Why can't we measure darkness?

Why does warm air sinks?

Why does buoyancy exist?

Why does Science seem to always have the answers?

Why do we doubt?
But then again why are we always deceive by what we doubt?

Why do we hold principles which are not really are own?

How can you easily forget those that love you? and remember those you love?

Why does fact exist when man seeks for the truth?

Why do we need to seek for truth when facts already exist?

What are the scientific names of those plants in Farmville?

Why do you buy friends in Friends for Sale?
Don't you know that your friend's worth is more than the square of the sum of the all the FFS users' value?

Why can't I perfect my grammar?
But why am I annoyed of those who doesn't care about their grammar?

Why can't I twist my hips when I play?
Why do I still maintain a good posture even if I must slouch?

Why do people taboo wars and battles yet patronize Mafia Wars and Battle Realms?

Why do you go to church then later on do some bad mouthing?
Because you know it's venial?
Because you know he'll forgive?

Why do you do good only to people who do good to you?

Why do some people tend to envy me? I mean, I'm serious..lol

Why do you envy others?

Why aren't we contented with what we have, but we're still occasionally happy?

Why do we get sad?

How can you make someone's day extraordinary?

How come you annoy me much?

Aw

Matapos ng masayang bday..

hay..

ganyan siguro talaga..kung akala mo okay na..hindi pala..akala mo dun ka magaling..hindi pala.. pakiramdam mo lang pala..maling akala..

may mga bagay na handa mong ibigay lahat pero wala naman palang epekto. akala mo nahanap mo na yung bagay na kaya mo..yung bagay na panghahawakan mo..pero wala din naman pala. ibubuhos mo yung buong puso mo..paghihirapan..pero hindi talaga ganun.. nakulong ka na siguro kasi sa kakaisip na kaya mo..hindi pala talaga..

walang wala ka pala sa mga pasimple lang..relax.. masyado mo kasing dinibdib..isinabuhay..pero wala talaga..ganyan talaga..

hay..

Letter to a Friend

My Beloved,

I never thought my love for you will go this far. It reaches the peak of a mountain and touches the surface of an ocean floor. It reveals itself each time you unfold a piece of yourself to me. It grows stronger everytime we disclose each other's untold tales. For the years that gone by, I know I played my role nobly. I portrayed every act truthfully. I put my heart in every single thing you perceive. And the role given to me was to become your friend.

My love, you never heard me nag about it. I never even complained about your decision. I have respected it until this day on. I told you a hundred and one times that I'm comfortable with what friendship we have. I don't worry much if you don't like me more than I hope you did. It became one of the most mundane things in my own world. I tell you this; it made me a happy and contented being. If you will just let me stay...

Many things had happened. Friends came and friends left. I admit you weren't the only one I felt love with. There were a couple of them. I tried and succeeded in loving them but sadly, they left. With a stroke of luck, I'm fortunate to have you as my confidant of heartaches and life's pains. You have eased all those burdens and covered the with hopes. Your words left me nothing but a smile and a promise of good fate for tomorrows. I was more than grateful that you played your role well, just like what I did.

My heart put resistance to this. It beats faster when you're around. My tummy seemed not to participate. It produces thousands of butterflies fluttering when you speak. My mouth dried up and repeatedly gulped. It forgets to speak fluently when you ask. My eyes gaze at your marble-eyes. It tries to seek the spark of love. My love, it's only you whom I know can make me feel practically cold because of nervous under an ordinary summer sky.

Though I obviously panic when you're there I still manage to show myself to you. I can be the person I am in front of you without hesitation of rejection. I can be the angel you know I am and the devil you laugh about. And I'm happy that you too never put disguise. It made me fall to you even more. As there's no day I haven't loved you. It's just funny to say that degree sometimes varies as sometimes you unconsciously push me away from you.

How time flies. I've been in loved to you for almost six years. Come to think that I have known you for six years and been one of your closest friends in that span of time. Everything has changed but I wonder why this affection I have for you remains. Many times you told me to forget this magical stuff for it won't do me any good. Yet looking at those years spent loving you, I became a person that epitomizes compassion and dignity. I became a person who values even the simplest thing. I became a person, a true person.

But my love, I seem to annoy you. I seem to interfere with your life, maybe because I care. I can't fathom if you indeed understand that you're the one I love and that I never expect for any reciprocated emotions. Just the friendship will do. So why you are again for the hundredth time, try to shun me from you? Why do you keep on telling me to live on and get a life? Why don't you just let me stay...even from afar? Why do you say that I'm living in my own fantasy waiting for that freaking guy? Why do I need to cease the fire when it's there silently making you feel warm?

It hurt me most, I say. I never expected you to express those words so profound that it bites my heart out. If you will just let me stay...

Well now I think beseeching for my existence in your life to persist is utopia. Fictional. I'm here, still undecided, digging the other side of the world to find the answer. Will I let go of this insanity for you? Will I let go to give myself a favor? Will I stay a lifetime more for you? Will I stay because you hold the key on the door of absolute bliss? Tell me my love, tell me.

More than fiction

His voice filled my being.
It's a glimpse of heaven having him around. We were indeed having a good time with each other's company. And then he lead me in a bright room where nothing is seen but wide space. I turned my gaze to him but he was nowhere to be found. I tried to hold back the tears but it was impossible. I coudn't confine myself any longer. Fears devoured my rigid body. I coudn't summon any courage to break the chain of darkness. It's encircling me now. It started to be bright then it faded slowly; until nothing was left but a mere space of eternal darkness.

friends

wooh!

Namiss ko sila ng bongang bonga..hahhaa. akalain nyong susugod ako sa gastusang walang pera..shett..hahha

ang saya ng araw na 'to... lupet sa trip.. ewan.basta kakaiba ang feeling pag kasama mo yung mga kaibigan mo..bliss pare. BLISS! hahaha.

un..

anyway...

teka..hmm. worried about ako dun sa research thingy..
hay, hala..baka iniisip nila uber na kaya ko mag-isa yung research..hmm.
hindi naman yun sa ganun..kasi alam kong may pinagkakabusyhan ung groupmates ko na para din sa buong class..and wala pa akong maitulong dun so..ako na muna dun sa research namin..
nag-eenjoy naman kasi akong gawin yun kahit minsan nosebleed..pero..yun.. i love what i do..kaya walang kaso..di ko naman nakakalimutan na may mga kagrupo ako...yun..haaha
nag-explain.. :)

anyway..bukas naman military parade..sows..gud luck sci high! :)

dunno

okay.

I'm freaking excited!
I'm freaking hoping that all the planets are on their right orbits.
I'm freaking begging that all the gods and goddesses in Mount Olympus love me.

weeh.

But, God, here's a deal... (sounds as though God and I are really friends)
You take that poison out of his system, out of his body...not next year..next month..
If that happens.. I'll do anything you want.. I won't reject your calls. I won't miss any of your chats. Swear. Just grant me this wish. I don't mind if it means another five years of being single.hehe.

wooh. as if naman pwede sa kanya makibargain noh..haha.kung pwede lang..eh di sana.. akin na ang unibers..haha

Put the blame on me.

I've never been a good daughter.

I am the one who does not understand her parents.
I am the selfish girl who doesn't seem to care about the things around her.
I am the brat who is very ungrateful to her parents' hardships.
I am the bitch who thinks highly about herself.
I am the daughter who anwers back her parents given any condition.
I am the unthoughtful one.
I am the lazy one.
I am the irresponsible one.

I am the one to blame.

Or am I just overeacting about all the shouts and scolds from my mom?

Who would want to eat dinner while someone's giving you a long and loud litany?
Who would want to study while someone's putting all the burdens of the world in a miniature?

Heck.

It's always me.

Hay, this may be the reason why I prefer to stay late and wandering around the town. Sometimes it's hard to find serenity inside your sanctuary.

What shall i do?

Hay. Magabat na naman pagmati ko.

Nakakasuya.

I'm still hoping na yaon man giraray xa. Pero anong magagawa ko kung iba naman talaga ang gusto nyang gawin sa buhay. Hindi ko naman sya pwede dung pigilan. Hay.

Naggood bye naman ko saiya pero tano ta nakukulugan pa nanggad ako. Ano ta arog kaini ang namamate ko?makulog. magabat.

tano ta arog kani?

kasalan ko talaga kung tano mayong naghahaloy sako?

arog ako kayan ka wooorsstt?duh. dae man ngani.

anong problema ninda sa ugali ko?

anong sala sa mga ginigibo ko?

bako man akong dominante.

possessive, dae man..

selosa, nasa lugar man..

open minded man baga ako..pero tano ini dae ko maintindihan.waah.makulugon ang hanep.

lintik. so ano, pagkamoot ni? o mah lang?

After Six Loooong Years

Marami ng mga nangyari.
Marami ng nag-iba.
Maraming dumating.
Maraming lumisan.

Isa ang nanatili.

Pagkakaibigang hindi mababahiran ng kahit sino mang boylet o chix.

Haha. Ilang minuto makalipas ang ala-sinko ng hapon. Sa awa ng Maylalang na buksan ko ang aking telepono.

Maraming mensahe ang nagpupumilit magpabasa sa aking singkit na mga mata. Ngunit isang pangalan ang nakaagaw ng aking atensyon.
Galing sa matapat na kaibigang minsan kong minahal ng higit pa sa dapat.
Tinatanong nya kung nasan ako at kung kasali rin daw ba ako sa tournament ng table tennis sa SM. Alas-tres pa naipadala yung mensahe at huli na marahil kung sasagutin ko pa.
Wala akong load. Nagloloko ang telepono ko. Putcha. Pano ko sya makikita ulit. Ikalawang beses nya palang itinatanong sa akin kung nasan ako.
Buti na lang at kasama ko si Jojo. Nakitext ako sa kanya habang nakikipagtunggali sa bukas-sara kong telepono. Natext ko sya at yun..to make the story short...

Para akong batang kumakaripas papuntang SM.

Pagdating ko dun eh may mga chix pa. Kala ko magsstay sila. So nung nakita ko sina Prince and Kevin sabi ko sama na lang ako sa kanila. Pero yun umalis yung mga chix dahil manonood ng movie. Haha. At nagpaalam ulit ako kina Prince and Kevin na hindi na lang ako sasama. hehe..

Yun, kamustahan.
Habang nakatutok si pareng Nikko sa laptop nya.

Kaya ang kausap ko lang ay si Victor.

Xa: Magayon baga shirt mo.
(blouse po)
Ako: ahy..
Xa: Sako na lang.
Ako: O halat..(magtatanggal na ng buttons)
Xa: Hala, bako digdi..suba lang..
Kami: *pusngak bwahahaha

Inaalok nya ko ng paulit-ulit na kumain.
o kahit uminom ng malamig na kape.hahaha.
Pero di ko alam kung bakit ako tumanggi.

Kahit yung mismong hawak nyang tirang cake inaalok sa akin pero umiling pa rin ako.

Heck.

Napandigan ko ang pagtanggi all throughout ng pag-tamabay sa Beanbag ng tatlong oras.

Wooh. Yun, paulit-ulit nya kong tinatanong kung okay lang ba ako at bakit di ako nagsasalita o umiimik man lang.haha. Kinagat ng pusa dila ko. Di ako makapaniwalang makakajamming ko ang isang malupet na nilalang na tulad nya na matagal ko ng pangarap.

anyway. yun.kwento.kwento.tawanan.asaran.

tapos nang alok syang pumuntang booksale. at dahil walang maiiwan sa beanbag para hintayin si Katz at di naman mhilig sa books si pareng Nikko kaming dalawa ung naglagalag sa booksale.
wala un puros libro.hahaha.

then, ano pa ba?

yun after dumating ni katz.tapos ilang minuto pa..umalis na kaming SM

next stop ay kanto ng SM habang nagdedebate kung saan dadaan para maglakad papuntang Magsaysay.haha.

at ng napagod silang tatlo eh tinanong nila ko kung anong suggestion kong daan.haha.
simple lang, "Sakay na lang kaya kita.."
haha.lahat nag-agree.

Pagdating dun sa Magsaysay. Dumaan kaming Avenue. May Konyong Habananas party sila. Tapos di man feel ta mga konyo to na feeling man.hahaha.

yun pumunta kaming molino at nandun si babe!hahaha.pero i dont care!hahaha.di rin nila feel ang atmoshpere kaya lumabas kami at nag-usap ulit sa may gilid ng kalsada.

Tumawid. Urong sulong sa Chicken Bacolod (aw,Ben. :<) tapos yun pumasok. Umorder ng meal nila for 4. tapos asaran tawanan. Dumating si Hegel(tma kya spelling ko?) tapos yun.kain.kain.lokohan. at banatan.

Xa: Kelan ka mag-aasawa?
Ako: Hah? Pagmayaman na ako.
Kats to him: Paghanda ka na..
lahat:bwahahahha
Xa: Mga what age nga?
Ako: Uhm pagmyaman na ko.
Katz to me:what age?
Xa: Yung estimated mo lang..
Ako: mga 25..
Xa: ahh..

haha.nep na ulayan.wah pa ngani kong bf.

Xa: May nagpapasabi plan.
Ako: Ano daa?
Xa: Magayunon ka daa.
Ako: Aram ko man.
Xa: Aram mo? Magayunon ka daa.
Ako: Eu, aram ko magayon ako. Sisay nagsabi?
Xa: Pinapasabi ko palan. (not the exact words)
Lahat: (pusngak.) bwahahaha.
Nikko: sobrang cheesy
Kats: banat.hahaha.yan man.

hmm.moving on..

after kumain..naglakad kami papuntang bahay nila.

di ko akalaing makakarating ulit ako dun..hahaha.

at habang naglalakad kami papunta dun. napansin ko na lng na magkasabay kami at nagkwekwentuhan na...

Ako: Nag promise man kaya sinda...tapos arog kayan. (emote na emote sa iniisturya)
Xa: O baka malingaw ka barkada mo ko bakong kaiwal. Baka bigla mo na lang ko jang anuhon.. sbay smile..woooh
Ako: eu. eu. nasusuya lang kaya ko..
Xa: Hahaha. Kalma lang kalma.

Haha.at ng mkarating kami sa kanila..after ilang minutes, paulit-ulit na naman syang nagtatanong kung okay lang ako.
Hinapot kung gusto ko magkakan. San=bi ko basog pa ako.
Kung gusto kong tubig. Sabi ko eu.
Tapos yan nagkua xa..haha.after nyang sabihong magkua na ko..hahha

yan tpos si oras na pag-uli ko..

Xa: Nung oras ka mauli?
Ako: 11:30
Xa: 11:3o?
Ako: Eu.
Xa: O di hiruon ko na lugod ang oras.. (nagtindog na taz kinua si wall clock)
Ako: Grabe, hihiruon mo paabante? haha
Xa: Dae. Paatras. (sabay smile na naman.)
Ako: Nye. (smile man)
Xa: mga ala-sais..hahaha


Mah lang maugma. salamat kaibigang tunay.

ay ugwa pa plan..

Nikko to me: Grabe, aram-aram mo na buong kaluluwa ko.
Ako: Syempre. hahaha
Xa: Eu?
Nikko & ako: Eu!
Ako to him: Ika baga three-fourths kang kaluluwa ko aram mo na..
Xa: Eu three fourths?
Ako: Eu..halos gabos na..pero ugwa pang dae
Xa: Eh di gibuhon mo ng buo..

Broken and Miserable

It started last 1summer on the 10th day of May.

The moment I talked to him I actually admired him.

When I heard him sang I was fascinated and mesmerized by his voice.

As we ate and chatted I was able to establish an unexplainable connection with him.

Then he bid good bye, shook my hand and said, "Nice meeting you, El."

That was the first day we met each other.


*All other encounters with him were already posted here last month.


And now, as I reminisce all those good times, I can't help but be teary-eyed and regretful.

I'm missing him so much.

I miss our long talks.
I miss our petty debates.
I miss our long walks.

I miss his penetrating stares.
I miss his magical smiles.
I miss his hand on mine.
I miss his presence while I play.
I miss his voice everytime he calls my name.
I miss his...

crap.i ccan't continue typing anymore..putcha.naghihibi ang gaga.hahaha.

waah.

I just miss him.

"I dont wnt to let u go even if in the frst plce ur nt mine. i dnt wnt to let u go bcos i love u. but evrythng seems to be vague now.i got tired of pushing through ths battle singlehandedly.i love u and i'll always cherish those few weeks spent blisfully with u.thanks ben.adieu."

Sent it twice. And I was able to receive nothing as a response.

I had no choice left but to say this in a text message. hay, there may not be a significant difference if i told him this personally. and besides, we should have had our talk last tuesday but he did not bother himself to make an effort to talk to me that day.

It ends tonight, it ends tonight..waaaah. :'(

I've tried it but they all leave me cold

Yah,the title speaks for itself.

Tama si Naxcz, 'what else is new?'

__O__

I seek and manage to find the 'wrong' one.

I seek and manage to get a heart break.

I seek and manage to be left, again.

I seek and manage to fail, for the nth time.

I seek and fail and cry and recover.

I manage to start all over when that suppose-to-be-right-one decided to part my way.

I manage to smile again when he told me it was time to set me free.

I manage to keep my head high when he said that he wasn't the one for me.

I manage to control my sobs when he rejected the love I offer.

I manage to live life to it's fullest every time a suppose-to-be-right one hurt me for their own bull shit reasons.

__O__

It's pretty depressing writing all this hatred stuffs. Not that I hate those people. It's just that I hate the circumstances I put myself into. Quite annoying.

Can anyone volunteer to love me but be sure to let me know your expiration date. It's hard to be caught off guard especially when you thought everything was smooth sailing. :(

3 months

tatlong buwan ka palang pala nag--eexist sa buhay ko pero talo mo pa ang edad ng mundo sa dami ng mga pangyayaring ibinahagi mo sakin sa maikling panahon.

oo. hindi oras ang basehan ng kahit anong uri ng pagkakaibigan.kahit pa may halo itong pitik ng pag-ibig.pusakal.kalokohan na nman mga linalagay ko dito.
type ng type ng kahit ano.
nagkataon lang na ikaw ang tumatakbo sa utak ko.magaling ka dun diba.shet,mapagod ka naman.yikes, ang baduy.

tatlong buwan!potek.ano kaya kung di kita nakilala?


masalimoot kaya ang buhay ko?

sino maliban sa team ang hahayaan kong ihatid ako sa bahay o kahit sabayan lang ako?

sino naman kaya sana ang kasama ko?

sino kaya ang nagturo sa kin ng pagtake ng pix?

sino kaya maghihintay sa akin habang binabagyo na ang Naga?

sino kaya isinama ko sa Sci at kina Ching?

sino kaya ang maswerteng lalaking yun?

waaah.sinayang mo pare.joke.haha.ayos lang yan..di naman ako kawalan sayo..
sabihin nating BONUS lang.mabubuhay ka naman kung wala ako. TULAD NG GINAGAWA MO NGAYON.lol,peace.:p pero kung nandyan ako parang pandagdag buhay lang.

shet.yan lang ba talaga parte ko sa mga buhay ng mga lalaking iniiwan ako.woot.drama.hahaha

wala.kakasawa rin kasi..pwede naman kayong magstay bat kelangan magjourney mag-isa?hay.siguro ako lang yung sawa na magjourney mag-isa.

gaguhan talaga.haen ka na kaya.barudon man magreflect at magrecollect.hehe.peace.

take ur time.malamang pag tapos na oras mo,hindi ako hahanapin at pupuntahan mo..

pustahan?!


hahaha.maligaon ako.wooh!

Ending things in a nice way.

"Being emotionally unprepared is not a valid reason when a guy starts to lure a girl then later on decides to end his game..."


It was a rather implied statement from a guy friend of mine. Don't know what to say when he asked me about the whereabouts of Mr. Special Someone in my heart. What's our status? Where is right now? Why isn't he here watching you play? What happened to the two of you?

Roar!Shut the fuck up, dear friend!hahaha.

Yeah, I know he's concerned. But the fact that I don't want to talk about it and that he kept on probing things annoyed me much.

I know. I know.

Our talk was a nice way of ending things up. You don't have to slap it on my face and feed me with such blatant words that made me feel so silly, martyr and hell of a hope-against-hope kind of person. I'm trying to move on and forget every little thing about him. But I can't help missing him. As always, I'm used to be left alone every now and then. Such losers don't deserve me. But he does deserve me. I'm the one who doesn't deserve him, loser. My world doesn't revolve to him and besides I've got a batallion of friends to help me out of this murky state. But everytime I see you coming 'round, I get down on my knees and pray...

Hay. Lagi ko naman kinakaya 'to. Sus. Ako pa? Lalaki lang yan. Marami pa jan. Duh. Sa haba ng buhok ko. Tsk. Tsk. Pero sya nga yung gusto ko. Hindi problema kung wala, mas problema nga kung meron. Pero pag nandyan sya, wala akong problema. Masaya naman buhay ko kahit hindi ko sya kasama o nakikita. Nabuhay naman ako ng ilang taon ng wala sya. Pero ibang ang magiging takbo ng taon kung nandyan sya. Kalokohan lang kung patuloy akong aasa sa wala. Pagtapos ng lahat, kasalanan ko rin naman 'to. Pero kung kalokohan at kasalanan ko 'to wala namang pakialaman, kaya tuloy lang.

Waah.gaga na naman akong tatawagin. Leche naman.

* Tila lalong bumabaon ang palaso na nakatarak sa puso ko.

An angel lend to me from heaven

I can't help but smile and lift my spirits high every time I receive an SMS from Victor. It's not what you're thinking guys. We will be friends beyond forever. No more, no less.

I sent him a message last night, saying that I need some encouragement to VANQUISH all my burdens in philo. Well, he's not the only person who received my message. Bunch of people did. He was the first one to respond. Faster than I thought. He's message was succinct but funny. Let me quote it, "Hehe. kaya mo yan!kya mo yn.haha. kaya mo yan.kaya mo yan. tink psitive. haha."
Yeah, I know it seems to be a jest but knowing him, I'm pretty sure it's more than a jest. Add to that the fact that he's a Globe user. Worth the effort and peso.hahaha.

Few minutes after he had texted me I received another encouragement from Ben. It was a kind of cognitive dissonance and I highly appreciate it. Ther's nothing Ben does that I don't appreciate. I was surprise, really. I never thought of him responding to my message because for all I know he's busy. So, it adds to the bliss. Shocks.

How I miss him..tsk.tsk.
Oops, here I go again.

haha.

*there will be no reciprocated feelings from him. so, drop the idea that he also misses you.aw.

Songs playing inside my head

hayaan nyo na kung mali-mali ang lyrics.hahaha. :p

"desperate for changing, starving for truth..im closer to wer i started. im chasing after you..im falling even more in love with you.."

"someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide. in a champagne supernova, a champagne supernova in the sky..."

"loving is not owning..."

"tonight im falling and i cant get up, i need your loving hands to come and pick me up. and every night i miss you i can just look up. and know the stars are holdin you, holdin you, holdin you tonight.."

"when you love someone you've got to learn to let them go..."

"i'll burn the city just to show you the light..."

"give me more loving than i ever had.make me feel better when im feeling sad.tell me im special even when i know im not. Make me feel good when i hurt so bad. barely getting mad I'm so glad i found you. i love being around you..."

"im just a little girl lost in the moment. im so scared but i dont show it..."

"tomorrow morning if you wake up and the sun does not appear..i will be here.."

*waah.umasa ka pa.di na yun babalik.sows.u were left alone again.herak mo man.hahaha