Pwede ka ng umalis. Hindi naman kita pipigilan.

-and so, i left the place teary-eyed and hurt


I was hoping against hope. For a moment, I thought I was someone to him. Maybe just someone whom he would choose to stay around. Guess what? I am not important to him, anyway. Why am I wasting my time thinking about the fucking bond, I thought we share. Screw that bond! That's non-existent.

Yeah, that was just a fucking October fling. Of course, there wasn't special about that. He was just lonely and heart-broken. I was just there to comfort him. And then I fucking fell in love with him. Everything changed. Then, she talked to him and boom. He's swayed; not even confused. He chose her over me. That wasn't difficult, again, I'm nothing compared to her.


-----
Syet nagdadrama ako.

Hay, maging ang mga luha ko ay nangangailangan rin ng inspirasyon. Hindi ko alam pero nasasaktan na naman ako. Hindi kita sisisihin, ikaw yan eh. Ganyan ka nga siguro talaga. Wala sa ugali mo ang pigilan ang kahit sinong aalis sa'yo. Ganyan talaga. Hindi, hanggang ganito lang talaga ang halaga ko sa'yo. Hindi ako ganun ka importante para pag-aksayahan ng oras at mga salita mo. Siguro sa tingin mo, kung hindi nga ako makakatagal sa'yo, marahil wala talagang tayo. Kung alam mo lang, ilang pamantayan ko na ang nawala at ilang batas na rin sa sarili ko ang sinira ko para sa'yo. Masakit. Leche. Panakip-butas dati, sabi ng marami. Nagmumukhang kabit ngayon. Potek. Nasisiraan na yata ako ng bait? Unang-una sa ayoko eh may involve na other female species, ayoko ko ng agawan issue, ayoko ng third party crap, tapos ngayon. Ako pa yung illegal. Tipong hindi mapakali dahil anytime baka pagdudahan. Eh lahat ng lalaki basta alam kong may ibang babae ng involve, nagkukusang exit ako at never ng bumabalik. Tapos ngayon...Grrr. Ano ba naman ako?

I'm becoming my own contradiction. I'm breaking my rules. I'm doing it all for someone who hasn't got the balls to tell me to stay beside him. Or maybe, he has the balls, but I'm just a trash. Yeah, a trash. He doesn't need me. He never even said he cares.

Wala na ngang patutunguhan pero andito pa rin ako. Hindi na nga ako pinipigilang umalis pero nagdadalawang-isip pa rin. Sinabihan na ngang okay lang kahit bitiwan na yung nararamdaman ko pero heto at dinadama ko pa rin.


Hahaha. Hayan, tumutulo na. Para na naman akong tanga. Iniiyakan ang boyprend ng iba. Siyet. Bull shit. Nakakawala ng ganda. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam. Oo na, kulang na lang sabihin mo sakin na tigilan na kita.

Leche. Masakit, walang biro.

*sigh*