Screw driver.

Ten days and it's Christmas, I couldn't care less. I'm loosing my grip. I'm being stressed out by all these random school stuff. Everything seems pointless. There are too many parties to be attended; parties that will take place on the same day and time. Yes, time is really with me. Crap.

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There's a short film contest on January. My gut feeling says I should be joining that contest. I must join. But my rationality tells me I cannot accomplish a well-done short film for a month. Another opportunity that will turn into a night dream. Crap. I cannot pull my writing skills together. To start with, my style of writing isn't fit for films. They are for novels. And my grammar is not even close to perfection. Screw me. *sigh* I don't have the means to direct and produce a film. I don't own a video cam and I don't have the skills of a director. I don't know if I should still pursue this dream or whatever you call it. I'm full of ideas. I want to materialize these ideas but I don't know how. I'm scared. I might quit halfway. Er, this sucks. I feel something inside me. It's a surging passion that wants me to move and shake all the laziness out of my system. Add my cowardice and slothfulness to my overwhelming stubbornness and you will surely get a negative integer multiplied to infinity. I'm starting to feel bad. Enough said.

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Despite the fact that my life's turning upside down, I still find small things amusing. Despite my pessimistic outlook about almost everything else, I still see little surprises fascinating. My several mind-attempts of killing myself is absurd now. Of course, I won't actually kill myself. Oh, that is a stupid thing to do. I love myself more than the sum of Jupiter's mass, more than Romeo have loved Juliet and more than Spaniards' amazement over the spices of the east.

Anyway, someone is helping me to have this uber positive way of thinking. Well, we don't share anything romantic, yet. Hahaha.